One Step Forward two steps back, Putting myself down and Putting others down too

things where positive he gave me a hug before I left ,but unfortunetly he hasnt come over tonight,maybe he fell asleep,seemed like he was tired today,I cant help but feel negative again,towards myself a negative thought pattern is what Lifeline called it orwell at least I have you guys,its just weird his last message he was asking how I was feeling ,unless he didnt see the need to come over, hopefully I wasnt forcing him to come over,I dont know I cant help but be negative and overly sensitive about things I really need some sleep anyway.

Hi @LostAngel

You will appreciate his company more if he is not tired when he comes over. Allow him the space to feel comfortable with you. You still have the positives from today's talk and the opportunity to open a space big enough in you to fit the positive anticipation of your next meeting.

Best Wishes

HenryX

thank you @HenryX the way you put thiings in the last post was very helpfull your need he needs the space to feel comftable,Im realizing its now my turn to be the kind,sweet understanding one,the positive facts from today are that we did talk openly,honestly and clearly in person,he was surprised at first but ok with my being there, we listened to eachother, he gave me a hug as I was leaving,maybe I just took things one step too far by asking him to come to mine so soon,maybe he isnt ready to do that just yet,not be because he doesnt like me but just cause the timing wasnt right for him also when he couldnt make it he did send an apology message and so it was my turn to be kind and understanding so I tried to be that but yes maybe we both need our space again untill next time,he will come over when hes ready,not when I want him to be ready,and maybe as much as I like to think I am ready for that next step maybe part of me isnt ready either, after I left today he did check in by message asking how I was feeling which he doesnt normally ask that question but Im thankfull he did,things just need to stay slow and relaxed,one slow step at a time and I need to be less worried about what he might be thinking and instead try to be understanding of how he is feeling,just as he tries to be understanding of me,who knows maybe slowly we will bond if theres more understanding of eachother,it was really nice of him to hug me I needed that hug and thank you so much @HenryX and everyone else on this thread your helping me understand myself along the way and this Journey I seem to be slowly going on with someone else,I need to proceed calmly from today as the saying goes Rome wasnt built in a day and neither should relationships be built in a day either.

@LostAngel

Hello LostAngel,

The way that you have just described today and this afternoon was a beautifully written comment on both your thoughts and feelings.

It is with admiration, that I acknowledge the way that you are thoughtfully responding to your interaction with your friend. It is very different from the way that you have often described the ways that you have reacted, instead of responding, in previous posts.

The thoughtful consideration that you are giving to the way that both of you, and each of you, separately, are engaging in this friendship, is so refreshing. I use the word friendship because I recall it sometimes said that,

"My {insert name or title of significant other} is not only my {partner} but my best friend."

Some friendships, probably, should not progress to intimacy, because if that is tried, and it is not fulfilling, then it is likely that the friendship may be lost.

If a person does not progress to the "significant other" stage, I suggest that you do not "burn the bridges", but nurture those friendships and the supporting company they provide to you, as you can likewise provide to them in their lives.

If a friendship develops into a special relationship, that is a wonderful and very special experience. It is equally special to retain the friendship of others who may not 'progress' to being "that extra special one". These are the people whose friendships act as buttresses to our more intimate friendships and relationships. These are the people who bring their special & significant others into our lives along the way, and add such a wealth of depth and dimension to our human surroundings and experience.

With My Very Best Wishes

HenryX

Very well said @HenryX and also thank you @Former-Member and @Jynx , @Oaktree and any others on here,I feel like Im now in a position of being understanding or trying to be understanding of the dynamic with him as well as probably taking time to understand where Im at @HenryX you could be right about calling this a frienship as it is still early days,and as yet I am not sure what the definition of us two is I kind of think it could be friends with benefits prehaps? but there is no clear label for the time being and I actually kind of like it that way,no label,unconventional type of scenario not too defined ,anyway just a question as well as my feeling of one needing to be understanding of him and two the need for me to proceed things calmly and patiently slowly not too fast although yes I have been fast at times,anyway the question is how to just bring back some fun and lightheartedness after all the kind of serious issues weve dived into, how to just bring back more fun to this dynamic and have alot less drama or negatives coming my end of things,how to move forward with fun times,light heartedness,I dont want him to feel burdened or weighed down too heavily by my problems all the time as Im aware he wouldnt want to be weighed down ,leant on sure but not too overly,there needs to be ballance ,I just need to give him space be patient and try to bring some fun into things or at least thats what Id like to be doing,mind you we have been dating for not too long so things should have an element of fun and not always serious talk or serious thinking,in fact Id go further in saying that by him being who he is as a person is starting to teach me patience and calmness.

Hi @LostAngel 2.45 am here so I will be brief, Maybe to had a bit of fun have you thought about going tenpin bowling where there are other people around so there isn't too much pressure on either of you?💜