Hello @Oaktree
I am very pleased that we are able to talk with each other about issues that we think and feel are difficult to address with others, even those who are close to us. I respect you, your feelings and thoughts, in as much as we have been able to share thoughts, ideas and talk about feelings on the forum. The very fact that communication on the forum is anonymous, gives us, within this space and among forum members, a considerable freedom to be open, caring and sharing in support of each other, and the other people with whom we connect, and in ways that are often specific to each of the people with whom we speak.
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I have been concerned that there would come a time when the psych. and the clinic may see the position where they could no longer work without your explicit and continuing approval, or they were close to the bounds of any such approval you had already given. They could only go so far before they would see themselves in a position where they could possibly be considered to be pressing you to move further than they had been given approval to do so by you.
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If you would like to discuss that situation, I believe that you know that I would be pleased and happy to do so, in whatever way that you feel would be appropriate here on the forum.
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As you are probably aware, there is a tipping point in the personal see-saw type balance between wanting to move forward and be clear of the internal issues that we face and the corresponding but opposite resistance to facing those issues. The reasons for any such resistance can be many, and of different types. One of the reasons that I have, at times, seemed somewhat formal is so that you and I remain free to talk about issues, to the extent that we believe is appropriate and within the real and perceived anonymity of the forum.
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You, in your own words, “have never opened up with my husband about mental illness topics, because I don't want him to worry all the time, and a lot of the time my thoughts would scare the life out of him.” On the one hand, I understand your concern for your husband, in terms of not giving him cause for distress, and the opposite situation whereby, his lack of knowledge, means an unknown, for both you and the clinic, in terms of possible reactions and response. And specifically, what that may mean in terms of support for you. I would understand that the psychologist and the clinic may be concerned that combined with your own resistance, the fact that your husband is not fully aware of the MI/D issues that you face, and any other possible concerns that you feel exist, this may effect the possibility, of having or not having, sufficient support to enable you to proceed with treatment.
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Another issue may be your personal concern about your own thoughts, about the experiences that you may have endured. Those thoughts can be so distressing that any consideration of disclosing them is met with our own considerable internal resistance.
{I say “may have endured” because I don't personally know the experiences, though you have alluded to extremely negative experiences, in your past, that constitute treatment, by another or others, as causing you trauma. I am in no way minimising those experiences, or their impact or outcomes for you. I most certainly accept your real and perceived experience of treatment causing trauma to you.}
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I have written a lot here, and I would like to know what you would like to discuss. I hope that what I have written may provide something of a framework around which our discussion can take place, if you wish to, and about anything that you wish to discuss.
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While this note is about the difficulties of the day and much more, I really do appreciate your expression of confidence in our capacity to talk with each other. Thank you, Meg
With My Very Best Wishes
@HenryX
