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Who cares about a title.

UserLoser1990Casual Contributor25 May 2021, 5:09 pm AEST

Who cares about a title.

My spirit is broken. Done. I'm not sure how it gets worse. I can't think.of a single situation that might happen that would make me feel like things are worse. I don't know how so many people manage to have reasonable lives where they can buy a new mug or enjoy a hobby or phone a friend. Usually I don't care much about how much I suffer but things have become overwhelming now.

In December last year I lost my job due to COVID and soon after discovered I was pregnant because men don't like the word no. I could no longer pay my rent so I packed up my cats, a tent and went and lived by a creek in NSW for 6 weeks. Unfortunately it never ever stopped raining and my tent went mouldy and leaked and my stuff got wet and I couldn't dry it so my cats and I found a shed in a backyard to live in. My pregnancy isn't that hard but I certainly can't work through it. It's difficult to afford baby things and life without money and it hurts me to know I'll likely be bringing my baby back to this shed. My car has decided to breakdown recently then on Saturday I noticed my cat is in a bad way. He's walking like he's drunk. I took him.to the vet but diagnostics will cost 2k. I don't have that money right now so he either has to heal on his own or I put him down. With no family or real friends, my two cats have been my best friends for 15 and 11 years. Today I also found out I have gestational diabetes. I didn't even get to eat a ton of crap food to get it. I have it because my hormones are messed up. I spend a lot of time crying. I try not to because I don't want to be sending bad hormones to my baby but I can't help how sad I feel. My only 'friend' treats me like shit. I'm expected to support and listen to her and receive nothing in return. She has never even asked how I am. She couldn't care less. She just wants me to listen to her complain about her boyfriend and her life meanwhile she's spends her days on her ass watching TV, in a proper house, and not having to work because her boyfriend earns so much money. She eats whenever she's wants never being concerned about running out of food, gets whatever she wants and enjoys her two planned children. Poor her. How hard.

Most of it I can deal with. Life's tough and not meant to be fair, I'm no one special deserving of an easy life over someone else but my cat's health and my gestational diabetes has broken me because it affects the only things I really care about. To know that I can't help my best friend because of crappy old money and that I'm hurting my unborn son who doesn't deserve it just kills me. I don't know where I went wrong. I haven't been lazy or unmotivated in life but somehow I still don't know how to achieve what others have. I'm completely pointless.

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In response to: Who cares about a title.

ShiningStarSenior Contributor01 June 2021, 6:50 pm AEST

Re: Who cares about a title.

Hi @UserLoser1990

It’ so great to hear from you and thank you so much for your lovely kind words

Absolutely Sometimes just having someone who can recognise that we’re struggling and sit with us in the rubble, without trying to ‘fix’ anything or talk us out of what we’re feeling, can make such a difference

Oh UserLoser1990, of course you long for a friend or someone who can be there for you when you need them I’m so sorry that your friend and the other people in your life let you down so badly when you needed them the most

It takes so much courage to be vulnerable and reach out for support and when people repeatedly let us down, it can make it that much harder to reach out again

I’m so sorry that Pets of the Homeless were unable to help you - it sounded so promising That’s such a relief that your boy hasn’t become any worse and that he’s not in too much pain The fact that he pounced on your other little one sounds a little bit encouraging Absolutely! They’re so good at hiding their pain and the fact that you were able to recognise this speaks volumes about the closeness of your relationship

I really loved how you shared, ‘a cat must feel so undignified facing the day not properly groomed and presentable.’ The way that you understand him shows such a deep sense of empathy and the most beautiful insight

I can still remember how much time our gorgeous little cat spent grooming herself and I can’t believe that I never thought of this - but it makes so much sense! Thank you so much for sharing your insights

Buying a brush to help him with his grooming is such a great idea - is this something that he enjoys? Or will this be a new experience for you both?

Absolutely That makes so much sense and I truly believe that people who are initially strangers, can find a sense of connection and belonging with those around them through the experiences that they share

Also, I just wanted you to know that I can really relate to what you shared about finding it difficult to think and as such, I just ever so gently wanted to reassure you that there’s absolutely no pressure or expectation in terms of when you’re able to reach back - whenever you can is absolutely fine

Thinking of you

ShiningStar

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