Memories

@Anastasia yeah my brother is a legend. We're very close. Always have been. Went through a lot together.

Gee @Anastasia I'm really not that brave. Just fu*ked up, depressed, tired. I'm not sure there will ever be a day when things stop haunting me. I've never been able to get my shit together. Neither has my brother. We joked the other day that for us our greatest achievement in life is to be alive. We're alive. We exist. That's about all we ever seem to manage.

Fu*k me. Crying yet again for the 100th time this week. Back in bed listening to music and feeling sorry for myself. Sorry for little me. Wishing it was different. Wishing I was different. Fu*king so sick of it all. Where's the cotton wool @Anastasia?

Hey @Emelia8 @Clawde thanks for dropping in

@saltandpepper being alive, surviving the awful crap life throws at us - definitely worth celebrating.

Sorry you're feeling so crappy, that's hard. But we're here beside you

Don't forget to drink plenty of water cos crying takes a lot out of ya! I always feel ick after a big cry but water (or tea if you have the energy) always helps.

Keeping you company here @saltandpepper brought the tissues xox

@Jynx @Anastasia I'm OK, pulled it together. Got back up out of bed and just polished off a can. Dog was demanding her dinner so that got me up. I'm OK. Will be OK. Want to be OK. Been swinging between I'm OK and I'm going under a lot today. Assuming because of last night. Hoping it'll ease up by tomorrow.

@saltandpepper 😔🌷

Here to sit with you and make a pot of tea to share ☕

I hope things settle for you soon, after a day of high emotions and difficult memories. I know from personal experience, that it takes an emotional and physical toll.

Take care, and dont hesitate to tag if you need company any time.

Emelia 💞

Cheers @Emelia8 will keep that in mind. And same to you, always happy to help out whenever I can.

Yeah been a bit of an exhausting day. Looking forward to it being over. Feeling terribly guilty though. Finding myself wishing yet again that I wish I didn't have anyone who depends on me so I can be selfish and drink myself into oblivion. But I don't want to be a shitty parent. I don't want my kid growing up struggling. So I have to keep fighting. Just sometimes wish I could let go and just drown in this shit. Just wish I could be alone forever really.

Been with those shitty parent thoughts @saltandpepper back in the day. Glad I stuck about to see my boys grow into the men they are. Also here with @Emelia8

You two are two of the greats 🙏🤜🤛🙏

Well done for getting up S&P 💕

I'm glad you did too, especially for your son, can't imagine how things would've played out for him without your support @Anastasia

I'm terrified that my son will go through what I went through, it's what keeps me alive, the need to protect him. But when I get stuck in my head it's hard to see things clearly.

Yeah thanks @Anastasia "up" might be a stretch, migrated to the couch haha

Thank you @saltandpepper

The couch is good. Take the wins.

Yes I can understand why you are terrified. You have every right to be.

Please talk to your therapist around coping with the thoughts. I too am terrified I'll lose my boy and I've talked to mine about the consuming thoughts and she has helped me to cope with the thoughts. They are still there but they don't consume me (today anyway) 🙏💕

I'm glad you're able to find a way to manage those thoughts. Think that fear you have is quite obviously justified. But there seem to be some strong positives he's showing now, I hope he keeps getting stronger every day.

Yeah therapy, I think I'm going to take a bit of a step back there for a while. Past few times I just haven't been able to talk really, just not sure I feel like I want to talk to him right now. Not really sure why @Anastasia

Thank you for being so supportive over these past few days @Anastasia I really appreciate it 🤗