Gday

Hey @BillyGoat I can't imagine (well I kind of can) the frustration you must feel at having spent so long being stuffed around until finally being diagnosed correctly. I know you aren't the only one who has had to endure this experience, being misdiagnosed and being given the wrong medication. I'm sorry to hear this happened to you, just shouldn't happen, but it does. I know there's a few folks on here who have BPD and I'm sure you'll be able to connect with them and share similar war stories. I can't offer much help here, but just wanted to drop in and say I feel for you, and I'm sure you'll find some great support around here

@BillyGoat Hi Billy and welcome to the forums. I have also been diagnosed with bipolar I and schizoaffective disorder. Moods down tonight dont know why .... all I can say is to get the right meds and dose (helps but not always). Right amount of sleep. Stay away from alcohol and drugs. Be around friendly people ( you will always find friendly people here on the forums :)). Take care. greenpeax

Hey All, thank you for the replies and supports.

Have to say, my patience is fast running out with this crazy shit. I'm getting to the point where I don't wanna play anymore, because the mental health profession can't / won't help me (my last psychiatrist literally gave up on me because he didn't know what to do) and trying to remember and implement the self-help strategies I've picked up along the journey is becoming too difficult and too ineffective.

Luckily (...?) I don't have the balls to try to check out permanently. Having crippled a knee about 6 years ago, I can't do physical pain, and other options seem too unlikely to be successful. Again.

I feel like I've lived my life now: 50 years old, 13 years widowed, incurably crazy, physically buggered, unemployable and just all-round over it all.

I have no hopes, goals or dreams, and day to day crap is problematic, so seeing a point to everything is difficult.

How do you all find purpose and meaning in a sea of problems that aren't your fault, and make everything so much harder than it's worth battling?

Sorry for the lack of enthusiasm, but I don't know how to keep dredging it up anymore. Life seems to have won, but I can't award it the prize.

Billy

@BillyGoat I dont know Billy .... life is tough .... I dont know what the answer is except to keep reaching out to caring like minded people. I am sorry that you are having a hard time. I find that going on walks and saying hello to passers by really helps with loneliness. Makes me feel better in myself and less alone in this messed up world. I have a pet who really helps. Am here for you.peax

@BillyGoat Billy if you want to talk with anyone in particular put a @ infront of their name like I did for you and they will get a notication of your post. Take care. peax

Hey @BillyGoat I hear you and want to let you know I think it's perfectly normal you're feeling this way. Sounds like things have been incredibly challenging for a long time.

There's a lot going on in your post there, and while all of those issues need to be addressed, trying to tackle all of them at once is overwhelming. Make a list and prioritise what needs to happen immediately and what can wait. Id start by talking to your GP about finding a new psychiatrist. You can also get a head start on the search by looking around on google. It can take time to find the right people to help. One psychiatrist may work for someone, but they may not be a good fit for you. When people are taking care of your mental health, you've gotta have a good relationship with them. Talk to your GP and see if there is someone else you can see. I'd also recommend you talk to your GP about seeing a psychologist if you aren't already--again do a google search and find one that sounds like a good fit for you and your needs.

Just take it one step at a time, try not to overwhelm yourself with all of the issues and just work on what needs to happen first.

In the mean time, check into the forums, jump in to other peoples posts and join in on the conversations. Your post is mirroring a lot of what I have been feeling lately, and the people here on the forums have been immensely helpful in getting me through it

Hi @BillyGoat first of all welcome to the forums. I'm sorry you've had such a hard time first of all getting a proper diagnosis and second of all trying to get answers.
I too have bipolar, with a little extra c-ptsd & anxiety added in. I really get the social isolation and frustrations with treatment. I've been through the ringer a bit with medical professionals that proved to make matters worse more than help, but not as bad as your treatment by the sounds.
We are of similar age, I'm slightly older at 52, and your mentioning of feeling like you've had your life already resonates with me cause for a very long time I felt that way too. I am single, no partner or kids, no job as I cannot work with my illness and have no support whatsoever from family. In fact my family is quite toxic, but that's a whole other story. For me the turning point was finding a clinical psychologist who I really clicked with. It is really hard to find someone knowledgeable who you can build a rapport with, but it's also very important I think. My pdoc is okay too, but I only see him once every 4-6 weeks and it's too superficial an amount of time for him to get to the guts of matters. My therapist on the other hand I see weekly and he has literally been a godsend. He's completely turned my life around, giving me options to look at, encouraged me to find a purpose in life again. It's definitely not all rainbows and puppy dogs, I'm still trying to get on the right cocktail of meds and what not. I still go through tough episodes as a lot of folks on here do, but sometimes it's small steps forward that can open up a whole new world.
For me personally what works to alleviate syptoms is this:
• know your triggers

• cut out alcohol & caffeine

• eat a balanced healthy diet

• exercise regularly

• indulge in healthy activities that you enjoy

• cut negative people out of your life as much as you can

• hang out on the SANE forums and feel less alone

Living with bipolar is just a sh*t hand to be dealt in life. But I've found from experience we can let it break us, or we can use it to bring something positive into our lives. Doesn't mean it will ever be easy, but it gives our life purpose and meaning and I think bipolar or not, that's what most people are looking for. I'd rather be who I am and learn from my struggles, than someone who just stumbled through life oblivious to what was going on.
Anyway my friend, welcome again, I wish you well. If you ever have questions or anything you want to know, the folks on this forum are an amazing support and you will find tonnes of folks only to happy to offer their help and support where they can.
BB 🐰💙

@BillyGoat Hey Billy, here's a thread on the forums you might be interested in checking out..

Let’s Talk About Bipolar

BB🐰💙

Hi @BillyGoat

Thankyou for your post and sharing you experiences.

I have lived with my mental illness for about 35 years too, being in my mid fifities.

Sounds like this period of life is tough for you ar present.

I sometimes grieve other periods in my life when things were different and other life paths that the the door seem closed on now.

I ve seen lots of psychiatrists over the years and some have tried(some not) their best with the medication combinations, ETC and medical care. It took 20 years until i received a bipolar 1 diagnosis. I suppose it still fits 15 years later?

I have seen a few psychologists over the years as well and have found one in the last 5 years that i have worked with well and sometimes I do my homework in between sessions.

Thankyou to medicare ! for the continuation of this.

A daily walk in nature helps me more though.

Yes i think there is lots of skils and knowledge to be gained from being part of and connected with an online community with a lived experience of mental illness who value mental health and mental wellness.

Wow - lots of good advice from lived experience there.... thank you to everyone who replied.

I'm done with pdocs, sorry, psychiatrists, now. I'm living in Cairns in FNQ, and the 12 or so I saw in my recent 5 month stay in hospital, and the 5 or so I've dealt with since, through the hospital Continuing Care Team, have been embarrassingly misinformed and inexperienced.

When one of the student dicks I had an appt with in hospital tried to put me back on antidepressants, I argued with him for a week, asked his supervisor if he was comfortable with the recommendation then told them both about the professor of psychiatry I got my diagnosis second opinion from, who took me off AD's and told me he never prescribed them to BP patients because they more often caused harm than help.

The response was "I don't believe you, I wasn't taught that at school" so I told him to get out his phone, Google "bipolar disorder antidepressants" and read out the paragraph that came up before the list of suggested websites.

He looked surprised, but still put me on some AD's, and was stunned when a week later I went hypomanic.

Pdocs up here, in my experience, are badly educated, misinformed and unable to be told when they're wrong.

My gp is now prescribing meds for me, and I'm about to try to reconnect with the tdoc, sorry, psychologist, that I was referred to about 6 months ago. Haven't seen him since before Xmas, as my leg got buggered up again, and walking to him was too difficult, but now it's time again.

I'm still not sure about him, I'm yet to decide if he can help me, or he just wants to learn from me, but it's too early to write him off just yet.

Again, the best knowledge I've gained, the most understanding I've received and the most help I've gotten has come from other people who live with the illness - who have thought about, battled with and tried to understand how to deal with it.

That's you guys.

Again, thanks for the interest and responses to my posts, I look forward to slowing myself down on the thread and learning from your experiences and thinking about this bastard illness. You're the best chance I got of getting my head around it all.