family support and MH

Hi @Bow

My circumstances are a bit different as I live with my Husband and kids.

My kids don't know a lot as they are too young.

I can understand when you feel like you don't have much control over your life. I feel exactly the same way.

I try and let my husband know how I am going and if there is anything he needs to know. Especially with my sh and si, I let him know if these are high and if he needs to worry. It is not a case of losing control, it is more a case that he can give me extra support when I need it. Just him sitting there watching tv with me or laying down in bed with me can help just that little bit. Today he supported me by coming to my psychiartrist appointment with me. It gives him a place also too voice any concerns he has about me too and any worries he has. My H knows of my diagnosis and knows about what happened to me when I was young (he doesn't know details).

I get a weeks worth of meds too from the chemist and they are then locked in the safe at home. H is the only one with access to the safe and he just gives my meds to me daily. Yes it does feel like I have no control over my meds, but I think of it more as one less thing I have to worry about when my sh and si are high.

You need to do what is right for you hon. It is hard to disclose to others and sometimes we need help if we are going to do it. At the end of the day you have control over what you tell them and what you don't. It is your choice. Do what you feel is right.

I hope this helps hon. If you have any other questions please feel free to ask. I will try and be as open as I can with you. 💜

thank you @Snowie i appreciate your time in replying. your brave in sharing so much with your hubby and taking him to your appointment. he sounds like a good man @Snowie and really supportive. i am glad that you have that, it must make things a little bit easier knowing that he has your back in those hard times.

it gave me anxiety thinking about having those kind of conversations with my mum. talking about when i struggle with sh and si. talking about my diagnosis. the fact i have a new psychologist. handing over all my medication.

interesting how you said you dont see it as something else you dont have control over but something less to worry about.........

He is supportive @Bow and I know I am lucky to have him.

I can understand the anxiety you would have in having some of those conversations with your mum. I have had that same anxiety with my husband.

I think what helps is that I have the control over what I tell him and what I don't. My pdoc told me one time that it is my choice how much I tell him.

I have just started seeing a new psychologist too so can understand how hard that is. It is like starting all over again and building up that trust is really hard too.

Perhaps maybe look at the meds as one less thing to worry about. Perhaps you can just start with this for now. There is nothing wrong with baby steps hon, or one thing at a time.

Hi @Bow ,

In reference to your initial question, I don't.

BPDSurvivor

Hello Bow, I am sorry that life has been really hard for you of late.

@Bow I am a mum of two grown up children with grandchildren too. As a mother it would break my heart if I found out how much they were struggling and that they felt they couldn't share their pain with me. What would the worst possible thing that could happen if you told your parents ? Could you live with this happening? Iam sure they know something is not right but probably don't want to upset you anymore than you already are. Could you test the waters so to speak by telling them one thing and see what the reaction would be to that, then divulge more? Be kind to yourself Bow 💗🌺

Dear @Bow ,

what an interesting and difficult question.

my depression started when I was really young, early twenties. I did share some with my mother, but I was overseas and she was here, so it was by letter and phone. I never discussed it with dad and I am sure mum didn’t either. I had attempted suicide.

it is now many years later. I shared some with my husband but not all I just wanted home to know in case it all happened again.

my children are adults now and don’t know the detail off my history. I am retired and live with my youngest son. I have had another major depression now for a few years and anxiety. I do not talk to my son or his brother about it. I do not want to burden them with it or ahave them worried about me.my son who lives with me knows a bit about the current situation. But he has his own MH issues to manage. so I am careful to let him know how bad it can get. I don’t have a partner to talk to and I think I woukd edit what I said if I did.

i have never been asked to let someone else manage my meds for me, I would not like that either..

i have two sisters who offer a lot of emotional support, but again I don’t reveal everything I think or feel, they do live interstate so again I might say more if it was face to face. Again I don’t want them to be anxious about me.

i have a very dear brother here , I don’t tell him my history or much but he knows that I have been depressed but I don’t think he woukd completely understand not not quite understand why I don’t just change it.

well that is a long answer to a simple question.

i think you have to follow what feels right and supportive to you.

take care of yourself @Bow I am very touched by your post

peri

Hi @Bow

I don't share anything with my "family". I can't. They only create more problems and are never a solution to anything. Whenever I have been fool enough to show overt indications that I hate my life, all I ever get from my "family" is unconstructive blame that my life is "all my own fault", or "my problem that I have to sort out myself." Never anything even remotely helpful.

And besides, by this stage I doubt there's anything of value they could possibly do to help me, anyway. Maybe in the beginning they might've been able to act as assets; putting out helpful PR for me that might've attracted some genuine assistance from others. At the very least, it would've made me an asset to the community, not yet another bleak shadow upon it. But now, the image of me that they spent years promoting has become so firmly established, I doubt they could ever correct it, even if they wanted to; which they don't.

That's why I made the mistake of blundering into therapy. I've never had anyone in my life who is genuinely on my side; at least not with any meaningful consistancy. I figured that going into therapy would be like hiring someone to be legally obligated to be on your side; to do everything humanly possible to get you into the life you wanted for yourself. How wrong I was. It was just another exercise of being trapped in a relationship with someone who bullies and taunts you with meaningless criticism that you have no hope whatsoever of translating into coherant instructions. But amidst the meaningless babble, one thing is unmistakeably clear: whatever it is they want, it is not what you want. Their intention is to bully and shame you into a life that they've devised for you, not to transplant you into anything resembling the life you want for yourself.

Hi @chibam, it sounds like you've had a lot of traumatic and stigmatising experiences and I'm sorry to hear of all you've had to go through. Please take care of yourself and reach out for extra offline support if needed.

Thanks, @TideisTurning

Unfortunately, the help I need doesn't seem to exist at the moment. I think that many of the recent government inquiries into MH & suicide are proposing that such services ought to be made available in the future - although it's hard to tell with the way they wrap everything in jargon.

One can only hope that help will be there sooner rather then later.

@Bow What about bringing your mum into an appointment with your psych? Is that something you'd consider? You can talk it over with your psych before hand and agree on what you will and won't disclose.

And look, I get it, being in control is my kryptonite. But say you hand over your medication to your mum. Do you trust her to do the right thing by you? Do you believe she only wants what is best for you? Do you believe she is willing and wants to help in any way she can? Perhaps it's ok to lose some control to people we love and trust? And it could even be seen as gaining support, help, not losing something.

What if you agreed on a trial run? See how it goes with Mum dealing with the medication side of things for a couple of weeks and if you're not happy about it, reassess.

It might also help (if you end up moving forward) to express your concerns to your mother, and give her that insight so she can understand how important being in control of something in your recovery is to you. Maybe this is something you can work out together?

I hope you find a solution that you're comfortable with @Bow wishing you all the best