Higher Ed

Thanks @borage yes, it does seem to be quite rigid, and I most def do not fit in a neat little box. When I lost my health I got home from hospital and received a lovely letter telling me that I was on 'probation'. I didn't know I had committed a crime, to be placed on probation when you've been really really sick was just so not what my head needed.......the Academic Advisor I was given must be absolutely sick to death of me. Anyway there's not much I can do except ask around and do the most I can do with the little bit of health I have left. Its the flashbacks and insomnia that derails me every time. Nothing works for intrusive memories that come out spontaneously........good luck with your Social Work degree, it is a popular one, with a little bit of luck we may get through. I hope that your university is sympathetic to your psychosis, I guess it is the most stigmatised aspect of mental ill health, it freaks people out, it freaked me out too....Corny

Dear @Corny

I have always liked the intelligent emotional quality in your posts. You were able to talk about emotions better than me a lot of the time. Survival and general Life and Death issues have been far too pressing for me to go into niceties of emotion easily, maybe next year ... I will have massaged my narrative enough for digestion in polite circles, in the meantime I am deeply grateful for forum contacts.

I dont want to go into IQ vs EQ ... cos it is more complicated that.

Just hello and thank you for remembering about my past.

Hearing you about these difficulties ...

"ClinPsychs have explained the psychology of not being able to handle a worse story than their own - "

I had a disturbing and traumatic friendship with a woman irl .. last year through covid ... which seemed to suffer deeply from that issue. I tried deliberately NOT to make comparisons ... and focussed on Indigenous issues which was a passion of hers .... but it went sour in a very manipulative and cruel way to me and ended in January when I was at my lowest, depite all her statements about how caring she was ..... Tmrw I meet one of her friends ... I guess that story is not over yet .... music colleague.

Re my quals ... They have taken time ... I am not in the standard box either.

Hugs Apple

Women can be absolutely horrible to one another @Appleblossom , I am sorry this person turned on you. It is very painful. Relationships are always going to be hard for us because we have no memory of ever feeling safe....I am glad you have ceased contact, you don't need that in your life. Hugs, Corny

I quit and then found a course I was more interested in at a time that was not as bad,.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and words @Corny , it was a most difficult time as I went to uni as a mature aged single parent with children in their own MH crises, due to a most acrimonious divorce and ongoing dv situation that needed a change of cities to try to manage (didn't work).

Like you have experienced, the ignorance of what living life in the real world was like, even back then, was shocking.

I did go on to do other study, Cert IV's in various things, and eventually ran my own business for quite some years.

These days my interaction with the outside world is limited, very limited. I have a mostly safe place to live and am very, very cautious of bringing anyone at all, in any way, into that safe place.

I wish I could think of something to help you, but I have been away from the helping scene for too long now to know any tricks of the trade, unfortunately. The Disability Rights Commissioner sounds like a great idea to suggest to get a better listening ear. Back in the early days of the Ombudsman, when the position had teeth, that was the best way to get someone to find a solution to a problem.

In the career I was in my younger years, (before going to uni) those who went to the 'notable' (read southeastern states) universities, got the higher positions than those who went to 'lesser' educational facilities, even 'lesser' universities, not because that higher education was needed, but because of the percieved 'status'. @Appleblossom

Prejudice, arrogance and ignorance are so rife in so many places they should not be - I'm so sorry you, and so many of us, have experienced these things. It should not be so.

Good thoughts go with you all.

Hearing you about "perceived" Status". @Last-Lament

I am having a weird set of experiences around my alma mater irl ... atm. Ones that give substance to the underlying... concept of a "university" ... one word ... hope that bodes well.

I lent a book called "On Beauty" to my current spt wkr, which is about many things including academic life and academic families.

please please please report the university, i work at one, i have heard terrible stories about others.

they can't change it unless you report it and i know you aren't ok and have to priotitise yourself, but this is absolutely a priority for unis to root this shit out and fix things now.

and if ithey don't, there's places to go to help you and take action if you want. neutral and the student union, and usually each uni has an indigenous relations person.

just reporting it, is enough for them to take action, they don't need to put you on trial, they can just effing fix it.

im so sorry. you aren't alone, i've heard a story recently of some appalling things being taught in a science class.... totally medieval. but the support staff are taking action against the teacher and fixing it.

there are people, when you're ready who will help you fix it. you deserve better.

please please please report the university, i work at one, i have heard terrible stories about others.

they can't change it unless you report it and i know you aren't ok and have to priotitise yourself, but this is absolutely a priority for unis to root this crap out and fix things now.

and if ithey don't, there's places to go to help you and take action if you want. neutral and the student union, and usually each uni has an indigenous relations person.

just reporting it, is enough for them to take action, they don't need to put you on trial, they can just effing fix it.

im so sorry. you aren't alone, i've heard a story recently of some appalling things being taught in a science class.... totally medieval. but the support staff are taking action against the teacher and fixing it.

there are people, when you're ready who will help you fix it. you deserve better.

Thank you everyone. It doesn't feel appropriate to reply about such trivial matters when a member of the forum has lost their partner @Former-Member . I will reply at a later date. Corny

Thank you @asdfge I don't intend to do any further study, it is too expensive. There is some equality at the Undergrad level but is determined if you have a safe place to live. Postgrad is crazy expensive.

Thank you @Last-Lament it is sucky for me. I could go down the Disability Rights Commissioner line or other lines but the whole problem is that I have no fight left in me. They call it a stress disorder for a reason, and each breakdown has taken another part of my resilience. I was resilient for some years, but I am not anymore. Everything is a fight. Last year I had so many fights on my hands, Centrelink, NDIS, had to take my landlord to the Tribunal, I had to move and also come to terms with never being able to afford my own home with very little earning capacity given my health problems, all on the back of over 4 months in hospital, and the loss of a lot of relationships and seeing people for who they really are underneath lies and deception. It took a lot out of me emotionally and psychologically - and I did it pretty much all on my own. It's very very rare that I ask either of my 2 sibs for any help. I lean on medical and government supports the most and they are the absolute last resort. If I actually call them at an odd time they know I must be bad becuase they know I have tried my best to protect them ever having to wear the 'carer' hat again in their lives (both of my parents had chronic mental illness, it was a role reversal, we were the adults, they were the children, we didn't really have a childhood).

Only people raised in DV or who find themselves in DV as an adult can understand the lengths we go to to keep some security and safety. You are wise to not let anyone into that space. Suburban sociopaths and psychopaths really aren't that rare, I was given life by one. It shapes you as a person, and you have close to zero trust in anyone, that's why we often end up on our own. We attract users and takers because we were taught that we don't have intrinsic worth, we are only good for some form of service or function to another person.

Keep your bubble. Its probably one of the things that keeps you going. Make it your own, it doesn't have to be much, just a peaceful space, with your own things. Somewhere where you can shut the door and not feel frightened; which is a new feeling which takes time.....Take care, Corny