Looking for Advice

Hi @DahliaDeVille ,

Welcome to the sane fora.

i was really touched to read your post. What a difficult situation you are in and what a supportive partner you sound. I am really not sure what advice to give you it is very difficult to motivate someone who does not want to helped.

What is it that would usually get him to want to seek help? Perhaps he needs some time just to reflect? What is it in life that gives him joy?

Perhaps you just need to physically care for him and be loving, not too much trying to convince.

is there a health professional who he sees who could help in this. I think you need help, is there another close family member who can support you both?

i am sorry that this is all questions. I think you need to get him to someone who can assist him.

Peri

I've definitely been the care-resistant one. And I've also worked with care-resistance as a carer. Its really delicate. I have so much sympathy for both of you right now.

Sometimes the answer is as simple switching from push to pull or vice versa. Sometimes its like quicksand no matter what anyone does.

If friction is affecting repore, it's best to focus on repore first. If time factors are pushing so hard that's not an option, first try to affect time and other factors to make it an option, if that's not an option, well yeah sometimes it does come down to one big push or slow-steady pushing ("directing" or "redirecting" is probably a better word for the affect you're going for). In that event (and its not an easy call. don't make it alone) try and salvage as much repore, care and dignity (for the both of you) as possible (it all counts but in this scenario fallout is to expected).

I should point out, I'm not super-versed in B.P.D. Didn't even think I could contribute but I can and my contribution is, repore first. Gotta get a care contract to care. The real answer to how to care those who don't want care, is try to get them to want it. Repore goes both ways (and every way). When people in need have trust/repore, they get the power they need to go forward.

Also, on the team effort front, I'm wondering if there's other people in your network that get some of your partners mystery functions (for the sake of multiple angles). I also noticed there's a pretty good "My Fight for Better B.P.D Treament" thread that @Tansy25 started. https://onedoor.saneforums.org/t5/Our-stories/My-Fight-For-Better-BPD-Treatment/m-p/1034644/highlight/true#M215162

And remember your own wellness, carer. I know you know but I'm reminding you.

Hi Peri,

Thank you for your kind words. I am feeling a bit more optimistic after the last few days and finally being able to get appointments booked for him to see both a psychiatrist and for DBT.

Im being loving and supportive and trying to keep myself health and happy in order to care for him better.

He's been up and down but for the most part understand he just needs to suffer (sounds horrible but true) until things get better.

Thank you for reaching out even just hearing from you has helped 😊

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@DahliaDeVille wrote:

Hi Peri,

Thank you for your kind words. I am feeling a bit more optimistic after the last few days and finally being able to get appointments booked for him to see both a psychiatrist and for DBT.

Im being loving and supportive and trying to keep myself health and happy in order to care for him better.

He's been up and down but for the most part understand he just needs to suffer (sounds horrible but true) until things get better.

Thank you for reaching out even just hearing from you has helped ?

---

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@DahliaDeVille wrote:

Hi Peri,

Thank you for your kind words. I am feeling a bit more optimistic after the last few days and finally being able to get appointments booked for him to see both a psychiatrist and for DBT.

Im being loving and supportive and trying to keep myself health and happy in order to care for him better.

He's been up and down but for the most part understand he just needs to suffer (sounds horrible but true) until things get better.

Thank you for reaching out even just hearing from you has helped ?

---

---

@DahliaDeVille wrote:

Hi Peri,

Thank you for your kind words. I am feeling a bit more optimistic after the last few days and finally being able to get appointments booked for him to see both a psychiatrist and for DBT.

Im being loving and supportive and trying to keep myself health and happy in order to care for him better.

He's been up and down but for the most part understand he just needs to suffer (sounds horrible but true) until things get better.

Thank you for reaching out even just hearing from you has helped ?

---

Hi,

My partner since moving to Australian from NZ is struggling with his mental health. Covid has really impacted him and changed his life around. He suspects that he has BPD however we are struggling to get him a diagnosis. His mental state is bad, he has suicidal thoughts and I found myself cleaning his cut wounds last night. Months ago he reached out to his GP for help, suggesting that he might have BPD. The GP referred him to a psychologist who he did not gel with. She told him he needs to go back to the GP to get a referral to see a psychiatrist. He felt dishearten after that session and didn't go back to his GP. I had to call the emergency triage team when his condition worsened because I thought he would take his life. He got an appointment with a psychiatrist after speaking to the emergency triage team. I came along with him to see the psychiatrist and they couldn't diagnose him and said they would put him on antidepressants and he needs to go back to the GP to get a referral to another psychiatrist to get a diagnosis. We went back to the GP and he seems inexperienced and referred him back to the same psychiatrist but now we are on a wait list to see a psychiatrist. He has researched and found a new therapist who is specialist in personality disorder however his appointment isn't till the following Wednesday. What I'm trying to ask is how do you get a diagnosis? Who do you have to speak to? We are going around in circles and are feeling helpless. He is struggling and is suicidal, he is feeling helpless and when he splits I just can't be around him. He says horrible things to me but then would feel shameful and gets into a suicidal mind frame. I don't know what to do, I have exhausted all the help line available and the common advice they would offer me is to call 000. Where do I get the right help for him?