Help. Please.

@Historylover Not sure i am. I've been ac unt of a person for a long time. Only recent years did i start working on that. Maybe trhis is what i get for being a cu nt

Hi @saltandpepper, it sounds like you're going through a lot right now, and I'm sorry to hear how rocky the road has been for you. It sounds like being here on the Forums has been a good help to you, though I'd like to encourage you to reach out offline for support if what you're experiencing starts to become too distressing. Sane's Helpcentre is open until 10pm this evening if you'd like to speak to someone 1:1 non-urgently. I hope things improve for you very soon and sitting with you in the mean time. Take care 🌻

Thanks @TideisTurning i called my psychologist for ine on one talk but not sure if it helped.

I know i shouod go to sleeo; and i tried before. But i cant. My brain is on fire. And honesty, i dont wantto wake uo tomorrow

I'm sorry to hear that @saltandpepper. I'm a little concerned about how you're travelling right now, so am going to send an email to check in.

Its so heart warming thst you guys seem to give a shit when you don't even know m. The eoplenin my life, the peoppe i onow that know me, I don't feel like they care. I mean i know they care. But... not reallt. Not the way i widh they did. No the way where i really matter. How can strangers care but my friends famioy don't. I don't knownhow i should feel about that

@saltandpepper Sorry things are spiralling down. Good that you made call about your son, but sad too.

I cannot buy into negative self talk. Sometimes self talk does become rehashing and self perpetuating. People may not know how to do right, how to get started. Those little steps may be like a foreign language. There are AA approaches. Tomorrow I am invited to a music event as an outreach for men in crisis, which will have a christian flavour, When I told the person I had been socialised around homeless men, he figured I would feel at home. There are so many different journeys, its not my place to judge, but you do not need to do it alone. More I was trying to inspire you. Dads are important. Human, living dads.

My life has been about understanding why, and struggling to cope. Not a lot of love came my way either.

You are, @saltandpepper. Come on - have a rest tonight and start anew tomorrow.

On one level we do not know you, but maybe on some levels we do. We are all so complicated.

@saltandpepper

It has taken me a long time to understand the lack of love I received, and the lack of love given to my parents and others around me. How can people be like that? There are usually reasons. There are times to worry about the reasons, and times to learn which way to go on our path ... in life.

@saltandpepper @Appleblossom @Historylover

I am so sorry you are feeling this way @saltandpepper and I so wish there was something I could do to help with it all, as do most of us on here.

You mention that the people who know you in real life don't behave toward you the way you wish, or would like them to. I really get where you're coming from with that, having experienced (and still experiencing) it in my own life. It's really disheartening, generally, when one thinks about the difference between what we get, compared to what we'd like.

These types of thoughts can really get me down and send me into a spiral of depression that is harder each time to get out of. I'm something of a fixer, so I do my best to find a workable solution for me, not something that I'm told to do, rather something that I have adapted to my own situation. everyone is different, and there is no one size fits all solution for anything. imo

A while ago a thought sort of hit me: I don't think we behave toward ourselves the way we'd like those close to us to either. It was a surprise to me to come to that realisation. To feel as though I could not be kind to myself, to behave toward myself the way I'd like to because family rarely seemed to behave toward me in a kindly way. It made me stop and reassess a whole lot of things for myself.

I wonder if strangers can care about us, or our situation, because they have no vested interest in gaining anything back from us, or fearing any repercussions from us - at least that sort of, generally, fits.

I've recently made a pact with myself, and this is the first time of mentioning it to anyone, anywhere else ...

I decided I am going to behave toward myself as I wish others did/ had/ would, behave toward me. I am going to be kind to myself every chance I get.

I will use a variety of distractions to stop the negative thinking in it's tracks, before it gets started, when I can. Lately I watch a funny short video immediately before shutting down the pc for the night and going to bed. That shifts my mindset from the recurring negatives that just float on in, so far it has worked. Changing routine activitiesf, shifting the times of when I do stuff, whatever is going to work to make a change.

When I have tasks that worry me, (there's a lot of them) I am making lists of them, and working on them a bit at a time to reduce the anxiety of undertaking the whole, or of never getting it done. I have lots of stuff to get rid of, trying to sell on a site ... it's too hard to do, so I may just charity it to get it done sort of thing.

sorry I've rambled and might not be making sense. I wonder if any of these ideas might spark something for you to lift the way you feel right now. I hope I have not offended in any way.

I hope you can find your way to feeling better.