Hi @Bunniekins this is a great discussion. Seems many of us here experience similar to what you describe. It's exhausting to live with. I remember praying to God when very young, I said; "it's one thing to have audible hallucinations by please please protect me from visual hallucinations" which has been so. But as for what's going on in our head... It's a lonely journey because we are the only ones living it, nobody else next to us can say "I heard that too..."
After my girl died suddenly, she talked to me often, like you describe - and in brief statements, still does. But there came a point where some tortured me (criticism about my parenting and basically every mistake I ever made:face_with_rolling_eyes:) after a while I realised "this was not my beautiful girl's voice, but someone else, as she wasn't like that... So i put my hand up - if it hurts me I'm not listening to it anymore... Eventually, after a long while, those derogatory statements separated from my spiritual relationship girl.
I think there's good and evil in the world, but also in our head (like a whole bloomin' universe in there lol). Trickery and deception can trap us, so we have to find a way to toss out the bad.
The biggest breakthrough I had with separating thoughts from me, my identity, was after I read the book "Taming the Blackdog" Very simple way of showing me that the bad thoughts / voices were created by the disease depression (blackdog) and not me.
With childhood trauma some say our personality becomes fragmented and these thoughts are different parts of our suppressed self trying to be heard 🤔 Or the voices of those pivotal people around us then who we couldnt handle and had to detach from to survive.
My mother was particularly cruel but also i had 3 ugly pedaphiles in my family. I locked away parts of myself when had to suppress that trauma. Sometimes I think those parts of me want to be heard.
So yeah, my stronger self has learnt to through back better 'oneliners' just as well as any critic, most days. But Stress does breaks down resilience wall sometimes.
But this is just me Greenpea, and how I cope. I think my faith helps too because I believe in a loving God who wants good for me, not evil and so, if it's destructive on me I have to let that voice /sentence thought / concept... pass by (like we do in a busy street when a heavy rumbling large semitrailer passes close to us). Easier said than done st andtimes I know, it takes practice, but with my girl, the last thing she said to me (when aganising over my parenting mistakes) she said with excitement from heaven, she said "none of that matters now" She's ok.
Thing is, we get to choose.
Am I making any sense or relevance here? Trying.
There's much talk about 'internal dialogue' too.
Thing is - if it doesn't distress us it will pass. Negative emotion seems to feed it I think. So keep doing what you are and don't hook it in.
Thank you for giving me the chance to put into words some of my experiences with this. And knowing I'm not alone. The professionals dont really understand what its like.
I feel for you greenpea and hope they dont just increase medication as the only help. Let us know. Keep chatting here.
I pray these condeming critics pestering you will fade away forever.
You're a sweetie Greenpea, a beautiful soul who deserves no less than loving nurture, joy, encouraging words, peace.... all the good stuff. Stay positive
precious ((((GP))))
proud of you.
Hugzz-n-hugz
💚💛🧡💔💜💙
EOR
