Bipolar & Dissociation

Hi @bipolarbunny

I can see you are still waiting for some responses here, so I am just going to tag a few members who might be able to share their insights and experiences 🙂

@Mazarita @frog @Shaz51 @HenryX @Bunniekins @Olga @Meowmy @Klutz

We also had a topic tuesday about trauma with the Blue Knot Foundation. They have some great resources on Trauma, the impact on the brain and body, and Dissociation, here is an example 🙂

@bipolarbunny

Hi bb,

What you describe seems similar to sensations that I have experienced.

Since I have had no assessment or diagnosis of bipolar. I cannot say that it is an expression of that process. I have said elsewhere that I believe that my father was diagnosed as having bipolar. My experience with him would certainly be a reason, in Itself, for the removal of self by dissociation. That process would have been involuntary or spontaneous in nature. I know that I may have experienced such a phenomenon and then, somehow subconsciously, brought it into some areas of my life; again, not voluntarily. There are times when what is going on around me seems really vague and distant. Not always to do with what I would necessarily associate with negative feelings, events or environment, but also where I simply seem to have tuned out of or apparently removed myself, somehow from a situation. This would have been, for some reason unknown to me, or of which I was unaware at the time.

I would add to that the descriptor - involuntarily, since I am not aware of any conscious desire for this experience.

Yet, there have been many times when I have had to struggle to stay in a "place", even in my work situations, dealing with clients, where I have found myself slurring words and losing contact with the present. There have also been times when such sensations and events have lead to minor but embarrassing mistakes.

I have thought of these experiences as apparently "normal" and simply something that I had to work harder to control.

I would be interested to know if any of these descriptions coincide or have correlations with your own experiences.

Cheers,

HenryX

Thanks for sharing @HenryX. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying, especially about things seeming vague around you.

@bipolarbunny Hey bb tbh I really dont know it has been awhile since I have had a full on episode of mania ... all I can remember is having delusions of being involved in criminal activity (I am a middle aged mother of three so this persistant delusion is really strange ....).Having paranoid thoughts are recent those never go away eg: being poisoned or drugged. Hallucinations visual and auditory happen when I am really ill. I dont trust people either which is why I choose to have no friends in real life. I just prefer to have online friends as it is safer for me. Go figure.....peaxx

Hi bp bunny, hope feeling better today.To hear your honest post on the forum was very helpful and encouraging for me to read. I've had psychotic episodes, the last one being 28 Dec 2019 To 29 January 2020 where I was delusional. I had a very slight hallucination but was spare of anything full on. I don't hear voices which I'm also spare of. I ended being in hospital for a month..
I feel your pain with what you are going through. I don't know if it's appropriate to ask you if you have a faith in God , but that has been what has helped me get through it all

sending love, hugs and encouragement , roses 🌹

Yes, I don't feel connected to the world. I live a lot in what I call automatic pilot.

Go well Roses 🌹

@HenryX

I can definitely identify with what you are saying. My dissociative episodes are also involuntary and some occur during mania, some during anxiety, some during depression. Sometimes they are related to feelings of being overwhelmed and unsafe and at other times they have occurred and actually benefited me by helping the situation I was in. It's definitely not something I can control or switch on and off. I've done a bit of reading in regards to its relationship with bipolar and it seems to be common when there is comorbidity with trauma and ptsd.
Now that I am aware of what it is, it seems to happen fairly regularly. More often than not when I feel threatened in some way and the flight or fight instinct kicks in. I also seem to dissociate a lot during social engagements which would associate it to the social anxiety I feel. Oddly enough it doesn't occur during a panic attack, but it may have inadvertently prevented panic attacks by taking "me" out of the moment and hiding me inside my head where I feel safer. I was always under the impression it was the doorway to psychosis, but it seems that isn't the case because I don't ever feel delusional or grandiose when it occurs. It is definitely a very weird out of body sensation, but so far it hasn't put me in danger, though my psychologist has concerns that it may lead to a fugue state during mixed episodes when I'm angry. So I'm very keen to keep a journal and just record when it happens, why it's happening, for example triggers etc, and any fallout from its occurrence.
BB 🐰❤️

@Bunniekins Hey pea, I can definitely identify with the paranoia, mine revolves around feelings of being watched or chased. I have general mistrust of others and like you have no real life connections of any significance. I also become hypervigilent, obsessed with hidden meaning or motives that bring about major trust & fear issues. I feel constantly on edge, always looking over my shoulder. It was so bad a few years back that I couldn't sleep with my back to a door. I always felt as if someone was going to enter my room and grab me. Even now some nights I find it difficult to sleep because of this overwhelming feeling of being watched. I don't have visual or auditory hallucinations but I get what I can only assume is hypersensitivity to light, sound and touch. When manic or mixed, I often feel as though I have ants crawling on me or under my skin. To the point that when there is an actual ant crawling on me I don't notice and think it's the mania. Until I see it. The sun really bothers me too when I'm ill, it's like during mania everything is so much brighter, but during depression it's the exact opposite colours once vivid seem very dull. We are a complicated bunch eh!
BB 🐰❤️

Hi @roses sorry to hear you have been through some tough times. I'm glad your faith is of comfort to you and helps you deal with times of struggle.
I'm doing better since having my meds adjusted but thank you for your hugs and support. It means a lot to me.
Sending hugs and support your way also. Take care xx

BB 🐰❤️

@bipolarbunny

Hi BB,

I have been writing a response but would like to finish and proofread it before posting, probably tomorrow. I have taken some tablets and ideas are a little furry.

Thank you very much for your response to my comment

Just read that meds seem to have stabilised with improvement - Great news!!!

Best Wishes for the Easter Weekend

HenryX