Worried about daughter (and me)

Hi LizzieR,

Apologies for not responding sooner, this message didnt come in as an email so i missed it.

Thanks so much for the advice and the kind words, that was very special to hear.

I am going to start the breathing exercises today and also some meditation. I used to be quite spiritual so i am going to find that person again.

I also have a best friend who cares a lot coming to stay this weekend, (whilst the children are at their dad's) so it will be great to have some emotional support for a couple of days.

Thanks again LizzieR xoxo

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@LizzieR wrote:

Hi Sarah, i am sending as much love as i can. I have been in your shoes. It is so hard to be parent, friend, counsellor and stay functioning yourself. Yet you are doing it. Some days will be harder than others. Hopefully your daughter will find her feet, confidence, direction over the next few years. In the meantime what has helped me - having one good friend/safe person who can hear you, repetitive exercise maybe doing breathing practices while you are at (brain is not good at worrying and counting breaths simultaneously), sitting with diffcult emotions meditation paractices (these help you acknowledge then release the tension/fear you are carrying), remmebering nothing stays the same forever - the sun is quite likely to come out at any minute - when it does, embrace it. She loves you, you love her - that is so precious xxxx

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Hi HenryX

You are most definetly on the right track with where things are with my family and I and it has been very positive for me to receive your messages. You have been a very welcome and very helpful additional support in this for me for sure.

Today is my first day with no job. Seems a bit ominous, i have not been without work for a long time, but even just finishing up yesterday gave me a small sense of relief and i feel a bit lighter.

Whatever job i next get (after having a little break to get family back on track) i think will be a part time, much lower pressure job.

And yes i agree, my happy child has told me that she just pushes upset deep down and tries not to think about it, so i know the break ups and family upset have affected her too.

Hopefully this period will be one of repairing and positivity for my family.

Thanks for your support and will speak soon. xo

Hey Susa,

Firstly I just want to say how brave and vulnerable I thought your post was. I personally know how challenging it can be to navigate the ill-mental health of a loved one whilst navigating your own struggles, and I applaud your continued efforts to seek help for yourself and your daughter!

I am 29 years old, and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and ADD when I was 16, after years of self harming behaviours and body image distortions. Many years later (into my 20's) I was then diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and am now being reviewd for Bipolar 2. Consequently, I have a lot of experience with youth mental health, particularly female youth, from my own lived experience and my tertiary education in mental health.

I started a mental health podcast with accompanying social media pages to provide resources and information for people (aimed at young people) to learn skills for coping with distress and to be able to engage in safe conversations around anxiety, depression, trauma, body dysmorphia etc. You might like to check it out to see if any of the posts have helpful info or skills for you or your daughter 🙂

Experiencing ill-mental health as a teen is incredibly challenging and isolating. It can be really helpful to connect with likeminded people who have previously or are currently experiencing similar issues, and this might be an easier pitch to your daughter, as she could engage with other young people rather than a health professional (like a doctor or a psych) who may be too clinical and alienate her further. If you'd like to look into this, try a Google search for "peer support" in your local area.

I'm sure you're also already across this, but 'Headspace' is a great specialised youth platform to engage with, specifically treating people aged 12-25.

Sometimes just chatting with another person who has lived experience can make things seem a little less overwhelming 💙

Thinking of you and your daughter at this tough time x

@Susa

Hi Susa,

Your note was also uplifting for me. I can say that most of my replies and responses to people include the observation that the recipient is helping me in some way. Till now, I did not think it appropriate to reflect on my feelings because there were definitely more urgent, specific and fairly time-constrained issues to address. Most specifically for your older daughter, but as I now understand for all three of you, and possibly affecting other people who may be involved.

Hearing from you that what I have offered, in terms of suggestions, has been helpful makes the communication mutually beneficial and offers me the opportunity to feel as though I have contributed in a meaningful and purposeful way. So I very much thank you for responding in the way that you have. As I mentioned in earlier correspondence, I liked the way that you initially presented your situation and your follow-up with others and me during our discussions.

I do hope that, as I now perceive your situation, a lot of the fog that seemed to be hanging around has cleared. I am aware that your family situation will be an ongoing process and development, as are all our lives. Some parts are just more difficult, to varying degrees, than others. It sounds as though you have put the foundations in place for stability, security, repair and positive developments in your family. I most sincerely hope that the process will be a successful and not too difficult learning process for both of your daughters.

One other thought came to mind that I would wish to be considered. That is to do with the contact that your daughters may have with any other of the siblings or adults to whom they may have become attached emotionally. I would like to know your feelings and thoughts in that regard and I would be pleased to offer my thoughts if you would like.

I will be happy to discuss any issues that may develop from time to time. And I look forward to hearing from you about progress and developments if that is what you would be happy with.

With my Very Best Wishes

HenryX

Hey @Susa and @ThatsCrazyPod,

I hope everyone is having a restful long weekend 🙂

Just a friendly reminder that we cannot share any personal/identifying informaiton on the Forums (including links to a podcast created by oneself).

I am sorry about this and did not mean to disrupt the conversation here!

Take good care of yourselves ❤️

Kind regards

Peregrinefalcon

@Susa

Hello Susa

Really nice to see your response online a few minutes ago.

I think that you may have been referring to "ThatsCrazyPod". In order to let someone know that you wish them to respond, you can add the “@” symbol in front of their Forum name – in this case; "@ThatsCrazyPod" For me it would be "@HenryX". This will then go into the “Your Notifications” text list.

The “Your Notifications” list can be accessed by left-mouse-click on the word “NEW” to the right of “Guidelines & Info”.

In order to let you know that I am sending you this message I can write anywhere in the address or text of the message “@Susa” and a note will go into the “Your Notifications” with the reference;

“Re: Worried about daughter (and me)”

I notice that @Peregrinefalcon Moderator has given advice in terms of the guidelines for posting personal information. I understand the requirement for these guidelines. Oftentimes now, material is available on the internet. I would certainly encourage you to assess material before recommending it to either of your daughters. However, there is some very good material available.

I have noticed that you have sent me a note, so I will send this and then read your note and respond.

Great to hear back from you,

With Best Wishes

HenryX

“@HenryX”