wibblewobbleContributor
Saying "Hi" & looking for some help
Hey everyone, happy saturday!.
I've taken the dive and made an account, thought i would say Hi and see if any others have been in a similar situation or had some advice from those with experience with this kind of thing (I'll try and keep it brief).
My partner and I (both in our mid 30's) have been together for ~6 years, been an absolute blast and they're my best friend, both fiercely independant and with our own respective MH issues.
I've had clinnical depression & Anxiety since my mid teens which has been a continual strugge, some days are good, others are a tad more complex (yes, im medicated and manage it accordingly) .
My partner also deals with these same MH issues, along with a history of sexual, emotional & verbal abuse throughout their life (can say more, but this should be enough with context coming up below), which has also manifested as eating disorders, poor self esteem, CPTSD, etc (medicated with antidepressants for ~2.5 years now).
For the first 1-2 years things were great, however after having to interject to get my partner out of her living situation due to an abusive & toxic housemate, things took a turn and i found myself for the last ~4 years as basically the primary care giver, sole income, etc. there have been periods of time where depression would rear its head with my partner and the biggest goal of the day was making sure that they are able to get out of bed, have a shower and eat.
Due to the above, i've done what is needed to be done around the house, such as ensuring that washing is done, meals are cooked, daily odds and ends are sorted, etc. while i've never had a problem helping out a partner, etc, i feel like it's the least i can do to help to make sure they dont feel useless, i've kind of fallen into this and it seems to have become the new default (not to say that im doing the bare minimum, if there's anything i can do to help/support them i will without hesitation).
About 3 years ago, my partner started showing some signs of D.I.D, upon asking a friend who is a practicing psychologist, we found someone who was able to take my partner on as a client (focusing on the themes above) and utilising EMDR in combination with antidepressant medication. however any kind of emotional / physical intamacy in the relationship evaporated, we've attempted to go through alternative pathways to see if we can "rekindle" things, such as having dedicated time to reconnect through to attempting the sensate focus method/approach, it never really eventuated in anything as my partner basically said she wasnt ready.
Combined with all of this, i hit breaking point about 12ish months ago and found someone to speak to in an attempt to get some context and expand my toolkit on how to manage/deal, etc.as we went through it all, i was told in no uncertain terms "There's nothing much more we can discuss until your partner is ready to come on that journey with you". and we left it there.
It's now 12 months later, my partner has continued to make progress and success with her treatment, her daily life is night and day from where it used to be, she's been able to hold down a part time job, continue treatment and help out around the house (washing, cooking, cleaning, etc), but when approaching the intamicy side of things, im met with the same "im not ready" / "not with im working through in therapy", etc.
with all of that, im finding myslef in a situation that we're now 6ish years into a relationship, 4 with no intamcy in any form, while we've had discussions over the years about wants and needs, the topic of relationship counciling has come up, but is usually either met with "im not ready" or the wait lists for these services are months long. it feels like it's never going to change and im trapped.
While im fully aware that there's no "silver bullet" to these kinds of situations and relationships / people are just so complex, is there anyone who's had similar experiences? anyone able to offer suggestions?
Anyhow, Hope you're all doing well, Thanks for reading.
