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at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

hi everyone this is not a post to complain about my mind or thoughts ,fears or feelings instead Im going to just write a mix of facts and feelings from today in particular but also the last week or so or whatever I need to say if anyone reads this and can understand where Im coming from thank you fact 1 I am at a point where I have to figure personal problems on my own fact 2 I had a conflict with family today who where trying to help me with personal problems but based on my behaviour towards them they dont feel they can help me and have chosen to take a break from trying to help me as they have reached their personal emotional limits of being able to help me so now Im on my own to figure myself out fact 3 I have been advised by these family members so much and yet havnt as they see it listened to them ,they are right fact 4 I have recently started counselling which now is the only one I can and probably has been the only one I should be talking to about these things fact 5 I feel pressure from both myself,my family and online date fact 6 I havnt been happy with anyones expectations of me including my own high expectactions fact 7 Ive felt angry,confused,misunderstood fact 8 Ive put so much preasure and expactions on myself and family emotionally fact 9 Ive kept choosing to want to spend time getting to know online date even though there are red flags as Ive become attached to him and also still want to see him in person/in regards to this family members see that Im not thinking about my personal safety/also in regards to this theres things that I have kept to myself and in short that is because of the type of relationship I have with this person fact 10 Ive been pushing both family boundaries and expectations fact 11 my behaviour has become more loud/swearing/vulgar/not taking serious things serious in short Ive become more rebelious/not well behaved towards either myself personally and family around me 12 Ive had a constant habit of complaining and sounding negative to anyone and everyone around me airing my personal laundry ,talking constantly about my personal problems even when others do not wish to hear it 13 the person Im getting to know has complex personal issues ranging from mental health issues,alcoholic,became violent towards self and a family member of theirs 14 he always wants me to visit him at a private location or a public location with few people around and when its dark 15 I find that I have made excuses for this behaviour of his based on the kind of relationship we have,family has advised me that hes being emotionally manipulative 16 even though this man could be bad for me emotionally and physically Ive become attached to him so dont want to leave him even when he himself has told me to leave him as I supose Ive accepted that we are both self destructive risk takers who dont want to be cautious fact 16 I feel angry towards myself ,my family and at times him but I always treat the man nice anyway fact 17 he may have a tendancy to be controlling towards me emotionally / Ive never really told him no I just either say yes or agree with him or I stop talking and push him away when I dont agree or when I am upset fact 18 I have a deep seated fear of losing anyone including family and today I felt as those I had lost those few family members cause of my behaviour while they been trying to help me through things /I also pushed away and shutdown on talking to those particular family members and also shutdown and pushed away the man Im getting to know Ive become sick and tired of my own behaviour towards everyone around me I feel as though Im not loving anyone including myself but instead hurting everyone emotionally because of my behaviour ,I now feel isolated and alone

14 replies

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In response to: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

I'm here.

I may not be able to say much at this point, but I'm here, and I hear you.

BPDSurvivor

In response to: Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

thank you for being here @BPDSurvivor wish I never talked to family about it.

In response to: Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

@LostAngel , I do have to admit that what you have written is slightly concerning.

All I can say is, until you have respect for yourself and can truely be happy in yourself, no one can fill your void/emptiness/loneliness/ isolation.

There are many people in large families or partnered who are still lonely. If you are feeling isolated before a relationship, in the long run (after the happy wow honeymoon phase), you will probably also feel isolated.

The repair work needs to be done within you, otherwise you'll always be looking for something/someone to satisfy your loneliness - this doesn't last.

BPDSurvivor

In response to: Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

thank you @BPDSurvivor theres been alot of internal fears that have surfaced about my waking life/family life ect that seem to also come up for me as bad dreams /nightmares as I sleep ,I hope I dont have symptoms of phychosis,as I know I do have paranoia issues,but thank you you are right about the internal work needing to be done on my part to repair whatever caused this fear and lonliness and everything and yes your also right that I need to find happiness within myself not outside myself unfortunetly I look outside myself to fill the void although Im trying to think about constructive things to fill the void instead of destructive maybe gardening or chior or something mostly ive been escaping by either staying home watching movies or the oposite the need to go somewhere so jump in car going for long drives,for some reason driving at night has been something I like doing at the momment,maybe its cause I feel its something I need outside myself but I ignore looking at the inside self which is as you say what needs to be repaired,there are always going to be responsibilities and expectations that I cant run from either those Ive put on myself or those that family has expected of me,Im very wrong in my thinking about alot of things at the momment everyone seems to see it but me

In response to: Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

@LostAngel

It is hard work to be at war,

The other day I saw a short vid by Alan Watts . He was both a Christian pastor and then a buddhist. He said Awakening can feel like "fighting". My guess is that it is the completeness of the feelings that can be overwhelming including all our strength, which is why it feels like fighting. He also talks of opposites within our sprituality. Male Female Black white etc I have found the other activities you mentioned helpful to create a meaningful life that ebbs and flows. Just something for thought.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SfZZlpfaN0&t=311s

In response to: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

@LostAngel

re the online date guy

3 years ago I did what you did.. ignored the red flags and let my heart rule

BIGGEST MISTAKE I EVER MADE

I smell danger just in the few points you've made

don't do it hon, listen to those who love you, they'll be plenty of time for dating when you get yourself back in a good place

In response to: Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

thank you @Appleblossom it does feel like fighting an internal fight thats become external I find what youve shared relatable it could be an awakening of some sort

In response to: Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

thank you @SJT63 for your support and advice,obviously I am letting my heart rule and need to stop and think first thank you for understanding if your ok with talking about it please let me know the lessons youve learnt xx

In response to: Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

@Appleblossom Ive watched more than one of Alan Watts Videos on Youtube and found his videos to be helpfull thank you

In response to: Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

Re: at war with myself now at war with family this feels like a safe space to ramble without expectations

it may be that I need to edcate myself or re educate regarding my own emotions and how to deal with emotions constructively rather than agressively or passively ,I got alot from the yin and yang video from alan watts its about trying to refind some form of ballance within myself between the black and the white I very much become too focussed on either the black or the white the god and bad but mainly the bad or good of what I in particular see as bad or good that I block everything else out as well as people who disagree with what I see as being good or being bad I mix things up in my mind, no wonder I need counselling to sort myself out and have become confused about myself and not listening to those around me ,cause those around me can see myself ,my behaviour way more clearly than I can so I do need to listen to family,hope that makes sense and thank you all for your support youve each helped me in differnt areas of issues

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