So did some actual real life chores today, it's been so long since I thought I was capable of doing them. However it didn't go as planned, I had what could only be described as an outter body experenice while doing them, I was watching the body do it all and didn't feel connected at all. That is new for me at least. Now in my paint room hoping to do something, anything really.
I was thinking about what I said about being at my rock bottom. A "friend" in the looses sense of the word after the converstation I had with them. When I told her what I shared here with the first post on this thread, her reply was yeah I"ve heard that before. That stung more then I thought it would, I reacted after the call and meltdown ensued. Once I had settled I tried to think it through, pulled apart every part of the conversation to see if I had said anything to trigger such a response? It took a while and then it clicked she only has our history to go on, yes I have said those words to them many times before and everytime Izzy got worse. So she is not in the wrong with her views as that is all she knows.
Been overthinking ever since, so here is what I have come up. The family and friends we have around us seem to operate on what they know, their histroy with us and their pre conviced notions about what our mental health issues are and how they manifest for us. This I feel plays a huge part in our healing or lack there off, if people around you are judging you with history, telling you that you've been down this road before and you don't get better, then of course your healing want happen. If you listen to them offend enough you will start believing it iif you didn't from the start. How do we teach childern to write their name? We get them to repeat it over and over again, we don't tell them every time they try that since they didn't get it right last time they wont get it right now. We encough and support them, we find new ways of helping them to succeed in this. Now I know we are not children but you get what I am saying.
Everyone finds rock bottom differently, everyone gets there at their own time and some of us may hit several rocks bottoms before we get to the solid rock on which there is no way but up to go. Don't feel bad about yourself or recovery if it seems to be slow going or it's a never ending fall from which you are terrifed of the cost of the impact, you will get there. People around us can be limited in their ablitily to understand your healing journey, weather it be from lack of empthy, lack of understanding your illness or just because they are arrogant to anyone elses journey other then their own. I know it is easier said then done but this journey really is personal so we need to try not to lisiten to those who have not taken the time to understand what is happening for us and certianly those who have shown us maybe not in words but by actions that they really don't care.
To all my friends here, I believe in every single one of you, I believe that you are strong, a fighter and that you have what you need inside of you to take back your life. Thank you for all your support it means the world to me.
BIG HIGH FIVE IF YOU MADE IT THROUGH MY RAMBLE...... 
@Lee82 @Bunniekins @Anastasia @TideisTurning @Emelia8 @outlander @Eve7 @Zoe7 @Sans911 @Snowie @MySunrise @Former-Member @Former-Member @destructive @Fluttershy1 @Angels333 @NatureLover @Shaz51 @Maggie @MDT @frog @Faith-and-Hope @Judi9877 @The-red-centaur @Eden1919 @Lonely1
And anyone I may have forgotten or is passing through
