74STEFAN

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@74STEFAN wrote:

Hi all I'm new to forums. Well I'm waiting to get a call from The Melbourne Clinic to be an impatient for the second time. You have Treatment Resistant Depression and Severe Anxiety. I've been going through a messy separation with lawyers etc for a year and a half, and hopefully it will be totally over when the house settles on April 20th. I've been living with my mum and dad for a year or so and the changes in my life has made me really depressed. I haven't felt like my old me since I relapsed November 2019..pretty much when I separated. I just cannot cope anymore. Even with simple tasks on my to do list, I feel overwhelmed and crawl up in a ball, whilst taking 1mg Diazepam. I run my own plastering business, and since my breakdown, I've lost interest in life. I don't enjoy the the things I used to. I don't have any drive excitement, just feel numb and dead on the inside. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone. I try to walk 4 km after work, for some exercise but then come back to my parents house and feel depressed again and am bored with my life. My mum gives me a hard time. I understand they want to see there son happy and enjoying life but I'm not happy or enjoying my life. I had to cancel 5 of my Plastering jobs last Friday because

I was feeling so pressured and overwhelmed which turns into a major panic attack and I fall to the floor and tremble / shake. When i am calm then I'm think rationally and think now why did I cancel all my jobs. I panic very easily and am a very anxious type of person. I just don't feel calm. That's why I want to be admitted to the clinic again, so they can adjust my medications. I was in the clinic last October for 6 weeks, but when I left I felt still agitated and not calm. I've tried mindfulness etc but my anxiety is pretty severe and it doesn't relieve it. I'm not sure if this current cocktail of medications is aggravating my depression / anxiety or if I need an increase to relieve my symptoms. When the triage from the hospital called me today and asked me what did I want to achieve in the clinic.. all I want is to function again and feel calm like my old self. Even
It's at 75%... I don't want to run away every time things become to much. The thing with my depression is that I get the physical somatic symptoms too, which at times it's debilitating. Well that's my foggy story..

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Hi @74STEFAN

Welcome to the forum and its good to meet you. You will find the community here friendly and supportive. If you type @ you will find a drop box will appear and you can tag us or alternatively you type @ and type in a member if they don't appear in the drop box.

Thank you for sharing what is happening for you. You have a lot on your plate atm and have been through a lot. I suffer from anxiety, depression and panic attacks so I can relate and understand what you are feeling. Have you had follow up appointment since leaving clinic last year? What treatments have they offered you?

I find it hard to manage my anxiety when I am severely depressed or anxious. But I do find regular exercise helps- strength training, swimming, paddle boarding, and walking. Even though you may not feel like doing anything the key for me is to do something- take some sort of action and you may find you get back on track quicker, I find that I am able to reduce my anxiety that way.

I know its hard to think about enjoying your life atm, but even trying to have small amounts of time, during the day were you feel more at ease, and you can start to make more postive and enjoyable moments - I think that might give you a boost and you will start to feel better. I know my happy place is being at the beach and being in water.

You're not alone in how you're feeling and I hope you can move forward and able to function better too and improve your quality of life. There is a private clinic in Sydney that is good- its South Pacific Private. It is not for everyone but this place really helped me- it has a holistic program and has helped many people. The program targets the underlying problem and I think that sets them apart from other treatment facilties.

Good luck with what you decide and I hope you start to feel more like your old self. One step at a time.

Hi @74STEFAN, welcome to the forum.

Living in that flight mode of anxiety a lot is so hard. I understand you wondering too if it could be some aspect of the medications, a side effect, that may be excacerbating or just not effective.

I have bipolar 1 and a long history with treatments and medications. The main experiences of unwellness I've had with my bipolar are major depression and anxiety.

This is just personal experience, but in the past couple of years I was feeling a great deal of inner agitation until the highish dose of my anti-depressant was reduced to sub-clinical levels. That has helped a lot with the nerves on fire kind of feeling I had.

Whether this could be the case for you could depend on your diagnosis. Also, as you probably know, everyone's experience of these meds is different. Perhaps you could say you are seeking a meds review at the clinic, and tell them you are wondering about the mix and dosage of meds.

Wondering if you see a psychiatrist on a regular basis. I would find it very difficult to deal with medications if there wasn't an expert regularly monitoring the complexity of my condition.

Really hope you get a lot of help from your stay.

https://saneforums.org/t5/Welcome-getting-started/74STEFAN/m-p/1019923/highlight/true#M1496