Needing reassurance from the professionals all the time

Hi everyone

@Owlunar @Emelia8 @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @BPDSurvivor @MDT and others reading along 🙂

I have just make a realisation of what I am doing - and I am NOT proud. I think this is a BPD trait/personality.

@BPDSurvivor you can probably give us more info on this; or you can relate??

I have been seeing my current doctor for the past 4 years when he first opened up in my local town. He is a very caring, young doctor who is well aware of mental health and BPD (not sure how much he knows). I am currently seeing him fortnightly as a check in for my physical and mental health. But if my physical health is not good in between appointments I go and see him. He is also allowing me to call him if I need to for emergencies.

We now have another new clinic in our area with a husband and wife team of doctors from the UK. They have an amazing support from their loyal patients who have followed them from another town to ours. They are both very well liked. So i decided i would go and try this new doctor. After my first visit i found him to be very nice, caring and supportive of my mental health. After my second visit he explained that with BPD it wouldn't be a good idea for me to see my current doctor and this new one.

Now here is where my revelation has come in: - Each time when i see these two doctors I feel like i am being cared for, supported, liked and feel that someone else is there for me to listen. I am getting their attention and they listen and talk to me. I feel so good at the time in their rooms and I am on a high. It's not until I leave and later on go down, really down because the care is not there. It's like i am getting a 'high' from seeing them, getting what i want - liked, care, support and attention for however long that appointment is. I am now embarassed, ashamed and feel horrible in even telling you all on here.

Now this is terrible, it seems i am attention seeking from professionals.

this makes me feel utterly horrible about myself, i don't see myself as attention seeking.

I don't know how to deal with this. Apart from stop seeing these two doctors; but then it would happen with another doctor. Anyone professional like a doctor gives me authority; they understand my situation, my mental health.

Can anyone relate to this? @BPDSurvivor