Needing reassurance from the professionals all the time

Hi again my sister @BlueBay

I am not able to sleep- I had been watching TV.

And then Kira went outside and got a green frog and she has been sick.

I have washed her blanket and towel and I gave her a quick bath. She had me really worried and now she is sleeping which means she is relaxed and comfortable. If you need support, please reach out here- we all think the world of you.

Hey @BPDSurvivor can I ask you something?

when you were seeing different doctors how did you feel at that time? For me when I'm at the doctors I feel like I'm getting a 'good feel fix' because I am supported cared and listened. But I also feel like 'a child again and very vulnerable'

how long did you do this?

I thought I would stay with the one but then when he gets me angry I want to change doctors.
I didn't realise I was doing this but over the years I was doing this.
I need to really think hard about this because my rational mind knows it's not good. It's my emotional mind at that time when distressed thst my rational mind goes out the door.

This is tough.

hi @TheVorticon i Thought my psychologist was going to give me some tips or advice. But not much really. I'm thinking that my next doctors visit I'll explain this to him. And even my psych I'll chat to him.

Thsnks sis for your support @oceangirl

I have so much thinking to do on this.
I hope you got to sleep eventually and had a good sleep.
what are you doing today. Here it's raining so I think inside dsy today.

Hey @BlueBay ,

Just like you, when one doctor didn't give me what I wanted (meds, reassurance, care etc), I got angry and went to the next.

To be honest, I only stopped doing this late last year. This means it's been going on for at least 15 years.

My 'fix' is usually with my psychologist. At first I saw him at least once a week, then it reduced to once a week, then once a fortnight, and now it's about every 3 weeks. However, if I had a 'bad' period of time, I go back to seeing him more regularly, then slowly taper it once I'm over the challenging period.

Put it this way @BlueBay , people don't just 'go see doctors' because they think it's great. People go because they need something, be it reassurance, scripts etc. Hence, it wouldn't be right to tell you to stop seeing doctors/therapists unless you had something to fill what is missing.

It would, however, be a good idea to raise this with your therapist so that you can work on developing strategies to become more independent and less dependent/co-dependent on external measures.

Ive also been reflecting on the title of this thread, 'needing reassurance...' I thought I'd point out that everyone needs reassurance. It is not wrong to always need reassurance. Although you may need it from professionals for a time, the work should be to move towards developing the skills of self-reassurance. Even then, once you can reassure yourself, it doesn't mean you will never need reassurance from an external person. It is about finding a balance.

Ponder this. Let me know your thoughts.

BPDSurvivior

Hi @BPDSurvivor

15 yrs is a long time isn't it? I have noticed that I'm doing this in recent times. I don't know how to reassure myself. Even if I said to myself "you'll be ok. Or it better if you just see one doctor". It wouldn't work.

I was abandoned by a psychologist thst I had for 5 years. I saw him every week. I'll never forget the day he told me he couldn't see me snymire. I was a mess. So I had to find another psychologist myself. I was raged with anger. He even took advantage of me and physically gave me hugs. I thought oh he must really like me. I looked up at him as a father figure.

my doctor only wants to see me every fortnight but I'm taking advantage and sometimes I'll go in between the fortnight.

Your welcome my sis @BlueBay

One step at a time. As the psychologist or psychiatrist offered any advice to you? Perhaps attend a day program at hospital to build the skills you need to function better and able to self sooth more.

I have not been up to much today- I caught up on my sleep, did a bit of cooking and mowed the lawn. I was up with Kira last night.

Hi @oceangirl no I haven't really been given any advice. I think what I'll do I'd def tslk to my doctor snd psych when I see him in 3 weeks time. He msy suggest outpatient program. I'll see what he says.

Yes @BlueBay , 15 years is a very long time. The doctor shopping was about being 'in control'. My emotional state was so out of control that I sought to regain control by getting whatever I wanted (from whomsoever I wanted). So when one doctor said, no, I flew into a rage, hated them and went to someone else to get what I wanted... this went on and on.

As part of my recovery, I handed over my meds so that I don't see anything more than what I need to take. It gets delivered to my house weekly - I don't touch scripts and don't handle meds. I know, in myself, I am still not ready to look after my own meds, hence my doctor works with the pharmacy to dispense what I need. This shows that despite my recovery, I still have weaknesses I need to work with.

As for seeing my therapist/dr, if it has been arranged that I only see them fortnightly, I force myself to stick to that. This is because I know boundaries are needed in my recovery. If I give in an inch, BPD will take a yard.

I think it's good to stick to how you have arranged to see your doctor. You'll surprise yourself that you CAN actually make it - I'm not saying it's easy, but it will help you in your recovery. The longer your 'wait' time, the more strategies you will learn to self-soothe.

BPDSurvivor

I so understand what you're saying @BPDSurvivor

if my doctor says something I don't like or in my head I think he's not hearing me I get sngry and then I say to myself "that's it I'm going to the other doctor"

At times I have said to myself "right I'm going to not see my doctor for 2-3 weeks. But what happens is in between something might happen ie a bad situation snd I'll sink right down to despair scared vulnerable etc etc snd have to see my doctor earlier like they day. I did try to extend my appointments to 3 weeks but it didn't last.
as for my meds when I was taking 5 different meds I was on a pack from the chemist. But now I'm only on 2 so there's no point.
but I'm saying that I still sabotage snd stop taking them. Stop start so much this year.

I do understand they you say the longer the "wait time" the more I'll learn strategies to self soothe.

I know this all makes sense. It's just me.
sm I scared of doing it if trying. I'm so scared of getting better. Msybe I want to stsy like this. I don't know. I think because I was abandoned by my psychologist of 5 years it left a lot of fear snd Msybe trust as well. I just never know when someone sill abandon me agsin. It's the worst feeling.
I know it's something I need to work on.

did you discuss this with your psychologist and psychiatrist?

I really appreciate you chstting with me.

I know exactly what you're saying. I can relate to it so much. Xxx

@BlueBay

Hello BlueBay

In your post on Wednesday 24 Mar 21 at 1.29 pm

Your comment “struck a chord” with me when you referred to anxiety at work.

I remember working in an office, some years ago, where I was a member of staff dealing with clients all day. There were times that I would feel as if I was going to fall out of the chair. When I reached this point I knew that when lunchtime came I would have to set an alarm and go into the stationary room and lie down for a 30-minute rest. Most often that was all that was needed to continue the day. I found that simply lying down in a quiet place away from the “coal face” was enough to refresh me.

It helps at times, particularly in a good workplace, probably more especially in a not-so-good one, to have an option available where we can take the pressure off completely.

Knowing that such an option is available, even if we never need to use it, can actually assist in reducing anxiety. What we are dealing with are groups of symptoms, and what any health care professional does is deal with the more extreme aspects of those symptoms. The more that we can do for ourselves in terms of addressing the issues arising from acute symptoms in or near the space where they are most likely to occur, the less we need to fall back on the medical professionals who support us in dealing with the more chronic or ongoing aspects of our symptoms.

The ways to reduce anxiety in the workplace are to give ourselves options by which we deal with issues that arise, or may arise during the day.

It is a matter of preparing, in advance, the ways that we can create a withdrawal, a diversion, or other changes that will allow for a reduction in the severity of the symptoms that we are likely to face at any given time in whatever space those symptoms are likely to occur.

If you are in a workplace that you feel is going to accept your suggestions, and if you think they would need to know, then it would be good to obtain their approval in advance, so that:

1. They are aware of the issues, and

2. They can make any arrangements that need to be made to implement your suggestions/requests. (Like providing a folding bed in a suitable location)

The aim is to address any symptoms before they escalate to a higher level of intervention requirement. What you are effectively doing is reducing the chance of;

“today while at work I was feeling anxious and lightheaded and sweaty. I then thought in my head 'oh no I am going to faint' the staff will need to call an ambulance; I have then made a scene in front of the customers and staff. And then I end up feeling really sick where I either call my doctor or make an appt to see him.”

This is the type of situation where escalation occurs, whereas, as in any emergency response scenario, if the issue can be dealt with at source, further, higher-level action may not be required.

The more you are able to do for yourself, the more confident you will become. That increase in confidence may improve what you are able to 'report' to your doctor, which represents an upward, improving spiral.

Hoping that this may be an option for you

Best Wishes

HenryX

@HenryX