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Let's talk DID and dissociation

Unknown userMember16 Mar 2021, 12:57 pm AEDT

Let's talk DID and dissociation

Hello all

@Former-Member, @Bellarose75, @BraveOne, @Nyx, @Fluttershy1, @Maggie, @Grace20212, @NoOne, @MySunrise, @Unlonely1, @destructive, @Lemonjuice and we are sure there are others who have DID or dissociation disorders but we haven't interacted with them so feel free to add others we missed.

We noticed that there is a lot of threads popping up about DID and decided that maybe having a thread we can all chat on and ask questions and give advice to each other would be good.

We thought we would start off by explaing who we are.

We call ourselves the dragon system.

Host/main/core goes by our username due to guidelines but the rest of us are happy to say our names it also helps people know who's responding.

Here is a list of all of us that we as a working system is aware of.

So I'm going to split it up into 3 groups, littles (0-10), middles (11-17) and bigs (18+).

So my littles are :

Kelly, 4, mute and trauma holder, Eshy, main

Sarah, 6, main

Strudle, 5, wolf shapeshifter, main

Brandon

Bianca

Brittney, 7, the BBB triplets

Sienna, 8, prefers CC

Dana, 4, trauma holder, AP

Leana, 6, trauma holder, AP

Cameron, 8, trauma holder

Kelsey, 5, trauma holder

Uunala, 4, trauma holder, Eshy

Stacey, 10

Tessa, 9, FS Trauma holder

My middles are:

Steph, 15, sporty, gender fluid

Daisy, 13, Artistic

Macey, 12, smart, Eshy

Repunzel, 16/17, Fictive

Elsie, 17, littles helper

Erin, 15, trauma holder, Sh, main

Iris, 11, positive empath, littles caretaker, main

Chloe, 14, littles caretaker, clean freak (possibly ocd)

Mermaid Princess, 15/17, unknown language

Zayella, 15, sad/grief empath, inner world protector

Casey, 13, troublesome, sh

Evie, 15/16, fictive

My bigs are:

Sapphire,18, wolf shapeshifter, system protector, main

Harmony, 30, protector, main

Honey, 19, sexual

Grant, age Slider, 18-25,

Lana, 20, negative empath

Holly, age unknown, demon, system persecutor, is a main but currently locked away

Twilight, age unknown, dragon, gatekeeper

We know not all people with DID have an inner world but we do. Host created inner world as an escape when she was 9 and it has become a major part of our system. For anyone wondering twilights role as gatekeeper is literally that our inner world is surrounded by a brick wall and has a large gate outside that is a giant Forrest and twilight keeps the bad out. Holly came before twilight did so it's probably the only reason she made it in.

We also have C-PTSD, anxiety, depression, social anxiety, and panic disorder. Host is severe asthmatic as well which we suppose makes us all asthmatic.

Anyway hope you like the idea of this thread and we are happy to chat anytime but we do apologize if we don't always answer straight away

Thanks

Harmony/babydragon

262 replies

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In response to: Let's talk DID and dissociation

destructiveSenior Contributor23 Mar 2021, 9:29 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

@BraveOne @So maybe only another 29.5 years and I might get this thing a bit

In response to: Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

destructiveSenior Contributor23 Mar 2021, 11:14 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

I don't know who to tag because that feels too needy and vulnerable and I'm feeling like a fraud.

im feeling like I don't have DID and I'm just somehow have led theT down this garden path and I'm a horrible horrible person. There are people out there with real problems who've had real trauma who deserve compassion and care and im trying to take advantage of that. I'm done with therapy I think. I guess that means I've mislead people here, although I didn't mean to. I said I was never sure of DID. Why would I do this. Why do I seek such bad attention.

In response to: Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

BraveOneSenior Contributor24 Mar 2021, 9:07 am AEDT

Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

@destructiveIf I knew what I know now around what works 20years ago then perhaps I may have a better quality life for more years however life gives me things to learn and we have been doing the best we can with what we knew. I can only keep trying and doing whatever works everyone inside is doing their best . I hope you find whatever works for You all and can feel more at peace inside.

In response to: Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

MySunriseSenior Contributor24 Mar 2021, 4:04 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

Hi everyone. I couldn't get on here the last few days. Was really struggling. Doing better now.

@BraveOne @destructive

I am thankful, so thankful for your comments that I've just read. They are so helpful.

@destructive , I sometimes feel the exact same way as if somehow I'm just really creative or something and making all this up. But then I think, well if I am making it up then I'm obviously in need of some serious mental health help. I don't actually think Dissociative Disorders can be made up, it would involve so much hard work and being dissociative is so exhausting and confusing, who would want to be extra exhausted and confused.

Actually the funny thing is, well not funny but interesting, is that when I think those thoughts then I think I must be the one who thinks they are "me", the apparently normal person.

oh dear. I'm not making much sense. Oh well. It just goes with the confusion inside my very conversational head.

I hope everyone is having a better day today. Hugs 🤗

In response to: Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

Unknown userMember24 Mar 2021, 6:27 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

@BraveOne @destructive @Unlonely1 @Bellarose75
Hey people, so, um. Our system just went through a heap of trauma, but instead of more alters forming, half of the system integrated or fused. Have you ever heard of this happening? It's kinda of concerned us, since now most of us have integrated. There's now 12 personalities, instead of 22 which we used to have. Could it be that it was becoming overwhelming for the system to hide so many people? We think it might've just been the overwhelming stress of life in general, doubled by the fact that the system was getting unusually blurry and irritated.

Not really sure, we'd like so advice or opinions though.

In response to: Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

Unlonely1Senior Contributor25 Mar 2021, 3:25 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

Havent heard of that b4, but sounds like it mite b a good thing 4 u.

how do u feel about it?

r n e of the 'fused' alters one's u were particularly fond of?

i'd rєαllч míss α cpl σf mínє íf thєч вєcαmє ‘вlєndєd‘, вut σthєrs ... nσt αt αll 😅

In response to: Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

Unlonely1Senior Contributor25 Mar 2021, 3:28 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

αnd ís thαt єvєn hσw ít єndєd up wσrkíng wєn thєч ‘fusєd‘?
σr díd thєч rєtαín αll thєír índívíduαl quírks єtc?
ívє nσt hєαrd n є 1 tαlk much αвσut wσt íts líkє αftєr íntєgrαtíσn...
‘cєpt ívє hєαrd dαчs & hrs cαn sєєm much lσngєr 😏

In response to: Let's talk DID and dissociation

Unlonely1Senior Contributor25 Mar 2021, 4:01 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

í thínk unєquívσcαllч чєs!

αnd ít mαkєs sєnsє thαt thєч wσuld 🙃

In response to: Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

MySunriseSenior Contributor25 Mar 2021, 8:25 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

Hi @Former-Member

I was wondering if you can share a bit more about integration? Was there internal conversation and consent or did it just happen? Did it take time or did you wake up one morning and suddenly things were different?

How are you feeling now? Is there a sense of loss or even a sense of fullfilment?

I hope you don't mind all the questions, it's just that I'm still new in understanding my own system and intergration or blending seems scary

In response to: Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

Unknown userMember25 Mar 2021, 8:49 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk DID and dissociation

@MySunrise
From what I've experienced, integration is kind of like mixing two ingredients together. For example, I'm Masie and I'm the integration of Ace and Wanda. Lets say, Ace was the chocolate powder and Ace was the milk. They're completely fine, functional and are their own things. But then they integrated, or mixed. Now I'm the result, I'm still chocolate powder and milk. I'm chocolate milk.
Which means I can't go back to being the chocolate powder and the milk. I'm just chocolate milk.

In our case, we went through and lot of stress and sudden trauma and triggers in a very short amount of time, and some of us wanted to integrate. All of a sudden, everything was very blurry and then we woke up. All we remember is we put on calming music, closed our eyes and suddenly a lot of mix and matched images played in the dream room. Things like snow during spring. Dark hair and sunlight being braided together. Lots of things along the lines of that. Then our fictive Alex woke up about 45 minutes later.

Most of us were really quiet at first, but eventually we all woke up. Only two of the originals are still here, they're both fictives. Nico and Alex. The entire system is very tired (this happened two nights ago, and we slept for 13 hours last night, only woke up at 11am).

We feel shaky, but calmer and less packed. We don't feel like we've lost anything, or particularly fulfilled. Just different, like we're in a completely different world.

Integration/blending is scary to some people, and it can be a scary feeling. It really depends on the person.

And I don't mind questions really. Ask away!

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