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Introduction from someone desperately seeking someone who "gets it"

Paperdoll76Casual Contributor27 Feb 2021, 1:09 am AEDT

Introduction from someone desperately seeking someone who "gets it"

Hi all, I guess first I should apologise for the length of this post, I went back to edit it before posting, but I think I need to be emotionally honest and let whatever had to be said remain said, even if I rambled..

Anyway, more than half of my life has been a battle with my mental health...

Abusive upbringing physically and mentally, diagnosed with a depressive disorder in late teens, added GAD to that in my 20s, now in my 40s, when I thought I would be in control of my life I've had an eating disorder added to that list.

I have an adult child on the autistic spectrum who I raised by myself 95% of the time who has inherited my depression and anxiety. I have extremely poor self image and self worth. I got married 9 years ago, we lost our unborn baby and I required emergency surgery for internal rupture 12 weeks after our wedding. This was never spoken of by my husband or any of my family, I coped via substance abuse for a little over a year before family confronted me about it in a way that was totally dismissive of the trauma I had experienced... it was horrible but it made me seek help.

I am currently in treatment for ED, but feel like the therapy is totally dismissive of my depression and anxiety. I am a health care professional who has worked in mental health and EDOS but whilst my rational brain knows my eating is disordered, I'm ambivalent most of the time about it, and question whether I actually have an eating disorder, whether I am worth making the effort for to get well, and have a LOT of difficulty maintaining behaviours that will support my recovery.

My husband is not supportive of the things I need to do for my recovery either, and this really makes me think I'm not worth the effort. If someone who "loves" me is encouraging sabotaging behaviours, discouraging healthy choices and doesn't take my diagnosis seriously then why bother?

I feel like I'm having to do this totally alone. I feel unsupported. I feel like nobody in my world understands how hard it is to build a healthy relationship with myself, with food, with the world. I really just feel like I have no energy to do this anymore.

I have considered many negative options recently, i will not deliberately harm myself, I know I need to be here for my son and my dog. I feel stuck like there is no way out of this, I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired.

5 replies

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In response to: Introduction from someone desperately seeking someone who "gets it"

MazaritaSenior Contributor27 Feb 2021, 2:46 am AEDT

Re: Introduction from someone desperately seeking someone who "gets it"

Hi @Paperdoll76, welcome to the forum.

Like you, I have been living with mental health problems pretty much all my life, now 58. When I was younger I hoped for a time when I was free of it. That hasn't happened but I have learned a lot of things along the way to improve my situation, which is no longer as acute and completely miserable as when I was younger. There are a lot of great things about my life now, even as I still struggle with various mental/emotional/functionality issues in myself.

So sorry about the loss of your child and the trauma of surgery. I know how difficult it can be when you are unable to speak to loved ones about such a big thing, simply because they will not talk about it with us. I had a situation a bit like that in the past in which my significant other was not at all willing to discuss something major that had happened to both of us.

I understand better now why he couldn't talk about it with me and has not even mentioned it in the 15 years since. He was processing the experience himself and it is his way to do that in his private mind. He and I are still traveling life together and have moved past it, but I still remember with sadness how isolated I felt at that time. I wonder if something similar could possibly be the case with your husband now?

Hope you find some relief from your feelings of isolation here at the forum. There are many people here who feel isolated in various ways. This community has helped many of us over the years.

A technical tip: if you reply to anyone on the forum and want them to see your post, you add a 'tag' with their name. They will then get a notification about your post. To do this, just type the @ symbol and a drop-down menu will appear. So if you want to reply to this post from me, the tag would be @Mazarita. Well wishes to you.

In response to: Introduction from someone desperately seeking someone who "gets it"

EgaleWhaleSenior Contributor27 Feb 2021, 8:58 am AEDT

Re: Introduction from someone desperately seeking someone who "gets it"

You have to rest & allow life to tick over when you're ready with family & care for you. & you will find a different way view. Going out home & shipping department & Italia spa. Space see

In response to: Introduction from someone desperately seeking someone who "gets it"

26aquaSenior Contributor27 Feb 2021, 12:38 pm AEDT

Re: Introduction from someone desperately seeking someone who "gets it"

Hi @Paperdoll76

I just want to say hi and introduce myself.

I've been battling with mh issues for as long as I can remember. BPD and CPTSD have recently been diagnosed.

I'm 36, a little younger than you, however I too have had traumatic experiences with pregnancy and loss, I had a missed mc of twins, it was an awful and drawn out process that ultimately unhinged me nearly 4 years ago. It ended up with me leaving my then partner of 13 yrs (on and off with dv aspects as well) during the ordeal.

I have 2 teenage daughters, my eldest is on the asd spectrum and I've been her main carer through this too.

I've been in an unstable relationship for near 3.5 yrs. I felt very similar to how you describe your situation with your husband, supporting sabotaging habits, behaviours.

I feel very unsupported by him and this has lead to it ending. I am unable to support him in the ways he needs also, and it has lead to much shame and guilt.

I really just wanted to show you that I do "get it". Mental illness is 'invisible' and often makes it hard to feel supported and understood.

The forums here at sane have helped me alot, I hope you find support here too!

Much kindness and care to you 💜💙💜

In response to: Introduction from someone desperately seeking someone who "gets it"

rosesSenior Contributor27 Feb 2021, 1:44 pm AEDT

Re: Introduction from someone desperately seeking someone who "gets it"

Hi Paperdoll, I have only just joined this forum and in the short time I have, I have been greatly encouraged and comforted.People who are dealing with mental health struggles are the best people to talk to and they do "get it "
When I first started having issues, starting off with a breakdown when I was 21yo my family did not acknowledge what I was going through, and it is hard when that happens. You do feel unsupported and feel a lot of guilt and shame which is not fair because it's not our fault that we've ended up with mental health issues.

So sorry that you lost your baby 👶

You are worth it, you are a beautiful person.

Sending all my love and encouragement

roses 🌹

In response to: Introduction from someone desperately seeking someone who "gets it"

Paperdoll76Casual Contributor27 Feb 2021, 7:18 pm AEDT

Re: Introduction from someone desperately seeking someone who "gets it"

Thank you everyone for the welcome and supportive words.

Just that much makes me feel less alone.

Love to you all.

Paperdoll

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