DothemoSenior Contributor
In a crisis state, trying desperately to stabilize
Hello
This is my first post, I have a long history of mental illness (as a child, ADD, then OCD developed as a teen and now OCD and severe anxiety spectrum symptoms). I am in my middle/late thirties and am stuck in some sort of panic/anxiety cycle. Every morning I wake with panic and the day is usually a roller coaster of emotion (anxiety, then may feel good, then feelings of unreality, then depression, then optimism again - not necessarily in that order). I am a fulltime student and I've had to drop to part time due to the agrophobia and ups and downs. I have underlying emotional issues and various stressors but I have a feeling that part of this is due to my medication. I think specifics are not allowed to be mentioned but medication classes are am I correct? I have been on one SSRI low dose since 2013 for the anxiety, my GP wants to wean me off it and try another brand of SSRI because sometimes this restarts effectiveness. My main problem I think, is that I am definitely tolerant and maybe slightly physiologically dependent and definitely psychologically dependent to the most common prescribed drug in the benzodiazipine class. It was prescriped to me for the first time in 2013 to use only as needed not everyday because it is highly addictive. At first it was a god send. It showed me that my terrifying symptoms were just Anxiety and not a serious illness (although ironically - anxiety can be more debilitating than a serious illness). But it was my only strategy to beat a panic attack. This is a serious mistake - natural means are the best way to deal with anxiety although they take ages to learn (haven't learnt yet). I became tolerant and I needed more of the medication to have the same effect however - I was not given more just a box every two months. Anyway to cut a long story short, I want to get completely off this poison to see if it is the factor that has destabilized me. I am on a low to moderate dose taken once every three days on average. My plan is to take the lowest dose daily to see if the ups and downs stabilize and then taper very slowly over 5 months off. I want to cold Turkey but after 5 days I seem to have very bad panic. Anyways, I am very sensitive to meds - I had something called activation syndrome from another brand of SSRI's that ruined my career and marriage.
So anyway, I was scared of my plan but the anxiety is so crippling that I think it can only improve (knock on wood!!). Today I begin it and see what happens. I wish to go the psychological route to recovery, it is initially the hardest and isn't a quick fix but long term it is the answer, I believe.
Please excuse spelling and grammar, this was typed on a circa 2011 Android phone with a small screen.
If my experience resonates with others, or you can see a factor in my story that I am missing that may assist recovery, please advise, I would be much appreciated. In return I can try to assist others on this forum if something resonates with me.
Thanks for reading.
Dothemo
This is my first post, I have a long history of mental illness (as a child, ADD, then OCD developed as a teen and now OCD and severe anxiety spectrum symptoms). I am in my middle/late thirties and am stuck in some sort of panic/anxiety cycle. Every morning I wake with panic and the day is usually a roller coaster of emotion (anxiety, then may feel good, then feelings of unreality, then depression, then optimism again - not necessarily in that order). I am a fulltime student and I've had to drop to part time due to the agrophobia and ups and downs. I have underlying emotional issues and various stressors but I have a feeling that part of this is due to my medication. I think specifics are not allowed to be mentioned but medication classes are am I correct? I have been on one SSRI low dose since 2013 for the anxiety, my GP wants to wean me off it and try another brand of SSRI because sometimes this restarts effectiveness. My main problem I think, is that I am definitely tolerant and maybe slightly physiologically dependent and definitely psychologically dependent to the most common prescribed drug in the benzodiazipine class. It was prescriped to me for the first time in 2013 to use only as needed not everyday because it is highly addictive. At first it was a god send. It showed me that my terrifying symptoms were just Anxiety and not a serious illness (although ironically - anxiety can be more debilitating than a serious illness). But it was my only strategy to beat a panic attack. This is a serious mistake - natural means are the best way to deal with anxiety although they take ages to learn (haven't learnt yet). I became tolerant and I needed more of the medication to have the same effect however - I was not given more just a box every two months. Anyway to cut a long story short, I want to get completely off this poison to see if it is the factor that has destabilized me. I am on a low to moderate dose taken once every three days on average. My plan is to take the lowest dose daily to see if the ups and downs stabilize and then taper very slowly over 5 months off. I want to cold Turkey but after 5 days I seem to have very bad panic. Anyways, I am very sensitive to meds - I had something called activation syndrome from another brand of SSRI's that ruined my career and marriage.
So anyway, I was scared of my plan but the anxiety is so crippling that I think it can only improve (knock on wood!!). Today I begin it and see what happens. I wish to go the psychological route to recovery, it is initially the hardest and isn't a quick fix but long term it is the answer, I believe.
Please excuse spelling and grammar, this was typed on a circa 2011 Android phone with a small screen.
If my experience resonates with others, or you can see a factor in my story that I am missing that may assist recovery, please advise, I would be much appreciated. In return I can try to assist others on this forum if something resonates with me.
Thanks for reading.
Dothemo
