Feeling strange

@Mazarita I don’t trust hospitals I have had way too many bad experiences there.

I am struggling today with pretty much everything and idk what to do I am just a mess and I am tired but I can’t sleep and idk I just want to cry.

Hearing the apprehension @Eden1919- it's understandable to be reluctant when you've had bad experiences in the past. Sometimes, crying is good- for me, I've found it to be a really helpful release at times. I'm wondering if there's anything else you could do that might help you through what's happening at the moment? Feel free to keep reaching out here as needed for support or somewhere offline like Lifeline (13 11 14) if you're in need of more urgent support.

@TideisTurning I kept trying to just let myself cry but it isn’t happening. I think I am too agitated to cry idk. Nothing is really helping at the moment idk I am just struggling a lot.

Hi @Eden1919

Personally I have never been admitted to hospital with my mental illness, but understand your reluctance to go there. I have had traumas when in hospitals for my physical illnesses and am now terrified when I have to face that prospect again.

But I do go to hospital anyway if my illnesses get too bad. If I don't my condition worsens and can be very damaging to me. It may be the same when our minds become unwell. If the condition gets too bad, hospital may be the only place to help us get out of a crisis state.

Maybe you could just leave open a little window of possibility in your mind for the hospital option if things get too bad.

Either way, I am hearing and feeling your distress and suffering.

@Mazarita I understand what you are saying but hospital isn’t a safe place for me and I still cannot stop the nightmares I have from my experiences there. The people there hurt me in ways I didn’t think it was possible to hurt a human being and I don’t think I will ever be completely over it so I will not go there again because it is not somewhere that is safe for me.

Hi @Eden1919

I hear you. If you want to talk about what you are going through with the visions etc. in more detail, I am here and will answer when I read it. Hope the forums help with at least being able to speak to others about it. Strength to you.

@Mazarita Thanks

I am feel really bad lately everything is a mess and I was really disoriented this morning and like I didn’t know what was happening and then got kind of confused as to where I was like idk it was weird like I hadn’t left my apartment but I just felt really confused and it was really uncomfortable. And then I had my phone appointment with my psychologist and I couldn’t really talk about a lot of things properly and idk she wants me to go back on meds but honestly I am too scared and I still kind of think she is secretly trying to hurt me and now I keep getting scared that my neighbors are listening to me and can maybe even read my mind and are just there to watch me. I keep trying to think I am not that important why would they do this but I still keep thinking this. And I don’t who are actually people and who are not people and I just I don’t what to do anymore and they put a device in me and I don’t think it was ever gone they just got into my head and ugh idk how to explain it I just feel really agitated and not right and I have so many things I need to do but I am struggling to do them and I keep getting really scared and idk everything is just too much.

Hey @Eden1919, sounds pretty distressing, like even your own space feels unsafe right now. Do you have someone you can talk to who you feel safe with? I'm sensing you're overwhelmed with a lot of thoughts and you're finding it hard to differentiate them.

I know you say you've got a lot of things on your to-do list, but it's okay to give yourself permission to take the night off. Focus on increasing feelings of safety, or even engaging in something distracting. If it feels like it could help, I also encourage you to reach out to a helpline.

Sitting with you

Hi @Eden1919 sorry to hear things are still really confusing and distressing.

It must be so difficult to think clearly when your mind is throwing these unhelpful thoughts at you, such as about your psychologist. It probably doesn't help for me to say that her wanting to hurt you is highly unlikely, but it seems you know that deep down, just that these other voices and intrusive thoughts are making things confusing for you at the moment.

I too have sometimes had fears about neighbours, which turned out to be completely just not true. At the time though it was really hard to not believe what I was thinking, even though I sort of knew my mind was playing tricks on me.

As @Jynx said, I think you need to let all the things you need to do just drop at the moment. Relaxation seems much more needed to help your present feelings of agitation.

With your psychologist's suggestion about medication, I agree with her. Like you I never want to take medication but I know that I will suffer a lot and lose myself if I don't. Even just for some relief from your distress, I think it is worth it.

Either way I am hearing what you are saying and will keep answering your posts as I see them. Wishing you well always.

Hey @Eden1919 how are you feeling now? We haven't heard from you but are still sitting with you