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Dad for the 2nd time.

MrAuDadNew Contributor18 Feb 2021, 7:46 am AEDT

Dad for the 2nd time.

Hi everyone

So I'm brand new here and looking for advice. Backstory is im a dad of an amazing 3 yearold with another on the way.

My wife has been really down these past few weeks as she is really worried how she will cope with 2 kids. Where I come in is that I suffer from bad anxiety and when she feels down or low or lost I go into "fixer" mode as I start to feel that I have to fix it and make sure its all better. I come from a very dysfunctional family and I just overthink things until I've made it worse. I'm really worried how we will cope with just the 4 of us when we don't have that many people around us. Sorry for the ramble.

6 replies

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In response to: Dad for the 2nd time.

SkyeleeCasual Contributor18 Feb 2021, 9:16 am AEDT

Re: Dad for the 2nd time.

Hi mate see if your wife is willing to chat to someone who can't help her through it. It's hard not having family around I'm in same boat and my partner like you is a fixer. It took me a while but I reached out and I made it through still struggle at times but I have the tools and people to help. I only have one child but he has severe ADHD. Autism and behavioral issues and I also come from a very dysfunctional family so I over think to.

In response to: Dad for the 2nd time.

Unknown userMember18 Feb 2021, 9:21 am AEDT

Re: Dad for the 2nd time.

Hi @MrAuDad

Welcome to the forums. Well done for reaching out.

How you're feeling is completely understandable.

I'm wondering, has your wife seen anyone about how she's feeling? For example your GP? That might be a good place to start.

Sending strength your way,

Rosie93

In response to: Dad for the 2nd time.

Melody2000New Contributor18 Feb 2021, 1:57 pm AEDT

Re: Dad for the 2nd time.

Hi,

I've been there before in your wife's shoes. That was 15 years ago. I had full-time help from my own mother. I really appreciated her help physically, but mentally I didn't get the chance to gain confidence that I could manage things on my own. That led to a lot of self-doubt and other mental issues which I'm still dealing with now. Also I received a lot of "unwanted advice" which confused me greatly. So it might be a positive thing that you're handling it all by yourselves.

I have a different set of problems now that my kids are teenagers, haha.

In response to: Re: Dad for the 2nd time.

MrAuDadNew Contributor18 Feb 2021, 4:32 pm AEDT

Re: Dad for the 2nd time.

Thank you for your reply i never looked at it that way before. I think alot of it has to do with my fear and anxiety. When she's upset I'm upset and I get so upset so quickly because I can't solve her problems.

In response to: Re: Dad for the 2nd time.

Melody2000New Contributor18 Feb 2021, 10:41 pm AEDT

Re: Dad for the 2nd time.

I totally understand. My husband also tries to solve my problems even when I don't think there's a fix to them. Yes he gets upset too and then we both get upset. All I want is for him to "ride it out" with me.

In response to: Dad for the 2nd time.

peaceSenior Contributor07 Mar 2021, 7:57 pm AEDT

Re: Dad for the 2nd time.

Hi I so hope your ramble help clear the air for you and perhaps give you some perspective. As I read what you have written i can see that your slightly stuck on 'what if' stories. Relax and breathe deeply. You will deal with each situation as it arises. And never forgot the village out your front door.

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