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I've hit a rough patch

DecadianSenior Contributor24 Aug 2016, 2:45 pm AEST

I've hit a rough patch

Wednesday afternoon

I have been having a bad day - one thing is seeing the Pain Specialist tomorrow. About a year ago she told me I was not having as much pain as I said I was - ah - I was startled - I asked her how she could tell when she sees me for 15 minutes twice a year.

Apparently my mobility was good - and I was not doing myself a favour my resting the day before and taking medication before I went there - because I do have the pain I say I have.

Since then I have had an MRI and I am seeing my GP twice a week and he knows I am in pain - and also that it varies - and I have been there without any pain - and sometimes the pain is so bad I can hardly stand straight - so I have him to back me up if she starts that again and cuts my medication back severely as she did a year ago

Anyway - I woke up with a humungous headache - and not feeling at all brilliant - I fell into a hole about my son - this time something set me off about how I could not find any help - it just wasn't around all those years ago - it was something on TV - and with a child like my son - already so hurt by his adoption - feeling his birth mother threw him away - this must have really destroyed any self-esteem he might have had

It was how abandoned we both were for the last years of his life - and how my family treated me - yes - I can forgive them - after all they were just as helpless - as was society - it was a terrible place to be - and I had to tell him that once he was in Juvenile Detention I couldn't help him anymore - he had not taken any notice of my warnings that this would happen and that people who break the law have to pay the consequences

Sometimes I have felt that there was more that I could have done - now I know I did as much as possible at the time - the people who kept telling me that I needed to do something about it had no idea how exhaustive much search had been - and continued

So I have this rotten headache - and it is a headache from tensions or stress I am sure - and I am anxious about seeing the pain specialist - but I have my GP and my MRI to back me up this time.

I rang Life Line and talked to them - assuring them if I was on Titanic I would be pulling people out of the lifeboats to save my life - well - maybe my determination to live is that strong - but I laughed when I was finishing

It is more socially acceptable to have a bad spine - I have proof and it can be treated

I felt better then - but still - I have a heavy heart and ask myself that if this happened - that is my son and all this anguish - could be helped in anyway now

Sometimes I think it is so hard for people who have not been there to understand that it would still be difficult -

Decadian

24 replies

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In response to: I've hit a rough patch

AppleblossomSenior Contributor31 Aug 2016, 7:32 pm AEST

Re: I've hit a rough patch

Hi @Decadian

\What are you playing and researching at the moment.

I am starting to muck around with "Kiss Me Kate". Something light for a change.

In response to: Re: I've hit a rough patch

DecadianSenior Contributor31 Aug 2016, 10:46 pm AEST

Re: I've hit a rough patch

Hi @Appleblossom

atm I am researching the British Royal family from Queen Victoria and I have got as far as George V and his wife Queen Mary of Teck - brilliant monach rerpresentatives - but reading different historians give different opinions. I have also been reading about the Sisters Romanova of Russia and their disastrous lives and deaths - this has to be one of the saddest stories in Royal History - 4 young girls not required by anyone but their parents and always prisoners of some kind -

Luckily I don't have any of this in living memory - except the death of Queen Mary when I found it hard to understand why my mother was crying - so it is an academic exercise - there will always be something interesting - all of this is presented on TV but the internet gives me a much bigger picture

I can play the piano by ear so much more easily that pick up reading the music and playing - my fingers have to re-learn - atm I am working on an Air and a Minuet of the lesser Bach members - and of course - easier popular music - that I can play partly by ear. And there are my one off creations

I am still wondering why my case worker wants me to wear earphones. I don't like it when anyone is watching me when I play - but that is because I was so much better - I can't imagine someone playing a piano for a few minutes here and there through daylight hours - that is strange

I went to sleep for hours watching TV again during the evening - I had eaten my dinner earlier but this is not at all convenient - luckily I can record what I was watching - or planning to watch

Thanks @Appleblossom

Decadian

In response to: Re: I've hit a rough patch

AppleblossomSenior Contributor31 Aug 2016, 11:14 pm AEST

Re: I've hit a rough patch

I just think we have a lot of things in common. I would love to visit you over the side of the bay .. but know we cant. History is so important. I never did much when I was younger. In the last few years, I have been trying to do catch up and get a better idea of European History ... often through the musical works ... to understand more cause and effect and consequences. Why people are the way they are .. normal or mad .. My mother was into Queen Beatrice & Juliana from The Netherlands, but I found interest in royalty unreal and strange, My heart went out to the common man & gal ... I got so sick of people saying "consequences" in an angry manner .. not at me .. probably at their own children ... without the adult seeming to have much of a clue about natural consequences of behaviour .. it was so arbitrary. Mostly I was such a goody goody work hard type but that did not seem to help. People either get jealous of what you have achieved or want to have a competition. I don't think knowing more history would have changed things in my family though ... but it helps me understand the enormity of things we were up against and I take a little consolation from that. I would love to play by ear .. I never was allowed to listen to popular songs as a kid and by the time I had kids I was really turned off by popular radio announcers and cringed that my kids had to listen to them. A few times I tried to play by ear and do a little blues and jazz and jam ... but not very well ...typical classical muso mind ... but was glad that I did do a solid period of drumming which helped me keep a beat. At the moment I am reading "A Roaring Girl" by Thomas Middleton & Dekker. I am not sure if we are doing the reading but the lady from the society gave me the play. It has a different take on gender roles and supposedly upholds a woman 'of principal' set up to be a thief, maligned because she wore trousers and smoked, but more honest then the gentlemen .... hmmm ... whats new ... but 2 men wrote it so that's good ... I find Dekker a bit more hopeful about the human condition than Shakespeare .. even though he had a tougher life ...oooops that's heresy ... Just chatting ... hope you aren't too bad.

In response to: Re: I've hit a rough patch

DecadianSenior Contributor01 Sept 2016, 12:32 am AEST

Re: I've hit a rough patch

Hi @Appleblossom

It would be great to meet but you are right - it is not possible - nor practical - we all share too much of our private lives here - we would lose this connection I think

Why are people the way they are? Some members of the Royal Families are mad - I am convinced of that - some are purely irresposible - eg - from what I have read - the last tzar was happy just to live for himself - and Queen Victoria grieved for decades for her husband - Prince Albert. Maybe ordinary people can live for themselves and grieve for decades - but not to the point that they can't get on with their lives

People in high places have few rights and many priviledges but do not have the priviledge of ignoring their subjects - that is my thought anyway

But people do what they do and have to put up with the consequences - and Queen Victoria found her children to be a pain - they did not do what she wanted them to do - but she was their mother and they were as strong minded as her - ah - she comes over as a domestic tyrant

Of course the common people do suffer what powerful leaders command - and even in their isolation the last of the Romanovs were not in touch with their subjects - but would the revolution and the civil war have been any different? - Life is Russia has always been hard and unpredictable

I could go on and on and love discussing what I am learning - and I always will - I think my interest was piqued young with my Dad's father talking about The Battle of Mons and the Old Contemptibles. Dad and my brother and I would sit listening to my grandfather - entranced - not the blood and guts but the campaigns and battles and I have developed an interest in history

Because without a word of anger or blame - consequences are inevitiable - there are always consequences - good or bad - so many people focus on the bad because they are so obvious. As I have learned more of Queen Victoria's rebellious daughters I have learned about the consequences - these 5 women had a profound and positive effect on the lives of women everywhere - somewhere in their history is the beginning of Women's Right and Suffrage. Another consequence is that I value my vote - I always vote and I live in a swinging electorate so I take the time to learn what I can

Politicians are often corrupt - but they are only passing through - the people stay and as a people continue - the lives of the common people are so interesting -

People do get jealous if we are more successful or know more - better educated - or whatever - there are people who can be jealous of our shadows I think - my TS is one of those people. True - there is a time when our choices are limited and I resent that - but when I could go to nightschool - I went - and when I could go to university - I went - I paid my way because I could work as an accountant.

And I believe my mother was jealous - I get what you are saying - and I have never been a person to keep what I know a secret and I am always asking people what they do and what they know and really - who they are - it is incredibly interesting

And from time to time I have had people - mostly women - resent my charisma - let them - it takes hard work to go back to school as an adult with adult responsibities - I know you did that too

About music - I still remember the ditties on the hit parade when I was a kid - Like "The pub with no beer" and "Where will the baby's dimple be" and so many others - but rock and roll was an anathema to my classical pianist grandmother - and I did not like some of it - did not understand it - but I began to take an interest in popular music as I got older and it is still a strange thing - I was not interested in TV - there was poor reception even when my parents decided to get a TV set - and I took no interest in it for years -

I think I am okay - I talked to my case worker yesterday and swapped two hours domestic help I really don't need and I am having 3 meals delivered a week - this will make a difference - I am fed up with cooking for myself atm - I know I will take it on again - some of the recipes people have mentioned will help.

Bad patches happen - by now I have figured out they happen - nothing will stop bad patches but they go away - knowing they will come to pass is great but living through the bad patches is horrible

My lesson here is long and covers a whole lot - I hope you are okay too

Decadian

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