anyone around?

Hugs @Powderfinger

I'm so sorry you are in so much pain 😭😔🤗

Hi @Powderfinger

I hear your pain, your struggles. Its going to be hard, counselling, but I'm hopeful for you. I understand the numb feeling you describe. The emptiness.

Break ups are intense for me also. I grieve intensely for the relationship, for the person, for what I lost. It becomes consuming, its all I think about. I understand.

I understand if you dont want to hear this, but it has been helpful for me of late; mindfulness. It is something I have to make time for and make myself do. I usually just do a 3-4 min body scan if nothing else. I often get distracted but I keep trying. Sometimes it helps me to focus on what my body feels physically, and then allows me to relax into another activity.

I do understand it can feel pointless to even try. I get that, I often ask myself how is this even helping - it has changed nothing. But I also have been able to come back into the present moment by practicing this mindfulness - I read you are feeling very disconnected, in alot of ways. Is mindfulness something you could or have been trying? The smiling mind app is actually really great for this, if and when you are ready.

If only these were magic words, rewrite history and erase all our pains.

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time.

Hi @Powderfinger

I hope today has been a little better for you.

Thinking of you

@Powderfinger You are very aware of how you are feeling and also some unhelpful things you are doing in relation to your ex. She is making it quite obvious that she is not open to any kind of relationship and that is very hurtful with all your history together but it also is a clear indication that she does not feel the same as she once did. Revisiting that for you is continuing to add to the pain and also no doubt you are questioning everything you once shared - and that is very hard. Unfortunately you may never get the answers you need from her and that is something you will need to find your own way through. I am plesaed to see you have organised some counselling - it may just be going through the motions for now but hopefully in time it will help you to both work through your present thoughts and emotions and begin to move forward again. I do know that is easier said than done - especially in the dark place you are presently. I have seen elsewhere that you have seriously considered moving out when your lease is up - I think that is a good idea so you are not constantly surrounded by all those past memories and times you had together. Moving from a town you love is an idea but also weigh up what you would miss by doing that and what you would gain - that is a big decision to make either way. Looking out for her and wondering if you will run into her is natural - maybe work with your counsellor on what you would do if that scenario arose. Above all though - look after yourself first, maybe make small goals each day to achieve - spend time in your shed, even the simple things like showering or preparing a meal ...they may seem insignificant but the little things are important too.

@Powderfinger What a beautiful heart you have. I really hope that you meet someone who will give you the same depth of love and loyalty That you have given to someone else. There are so many people in this world who would love to have someone like you in their life. Please don't give up on yourself or looking for love. Your ex. Is now just that an Ex. Now is the time to put all that energy and love you have into yourself. You deserve it. If you don't learn to love yourself others won't either.

Take care and enjoy the journey