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Does anyone else have an unsupportive partner? I've been with my husband for 4 years, we were married 2 years ago. 2 years ago my mother fell terribly I'll & I believe this triggered my anxiety & depression. I am no longer depressed but my anxiety has been hanging like a dark cloud & causes conflicts within our relationship due to the lack of understanding of my husband. I have given him brochures from my Psychologist & I email him articles that I relate with. He can't 'fix' it so says I have to sort it. Even though I explain I don't want him to fix it, I want him to just simply support me.
Since I recognise I have anxiety, I now see that I've had it since I was a child. It wasn't until I was an adult and able to control my own life that my anxiety settled. I do remember a few anxious times but nothing like it has been these past few years. I started meds 6 weeks ago & have been feeling on top of the world again .... but in the past 2 days I feel like I did before meds. I am currently having an anxiety attack. I feel withdrawn, tired (even though I have had plenty of sleep), miserable, useless etc etc ... Hubby & I have had a huge blew because of my withdrawal. I'm tired of being this way. I want it to stop. He seems to think I choose to be this way! When I ask other people about this, they just say,my hats men, they don't understand.
@lostinspace ... I understand it's not gender specific. My husband actually has 2 close friends who have just recently confessed to him they have anxiety & both have tried ending their lives. One of his friends wives even encouraged him to do it!!!
In response to: Unsupportive Partner
utopiaSenior Contributor
Re: Unsupportive Partner
@Xstine. My medication helps keep me level, but it doesn't stop me having a day or week of feeling down / depressed. Nor did it prevent the panic attacks. EMDR therapist helped with my panic attacks. Breathing, relaxation and mindfulness techniques have helped the depression and anxiety. I'm able to stop my negative self criticism now. All my symptoms have reduced dramatically thanks to a great psychologist, better medications from my psychiatrist and lots of effort with therapy on my part. You can feel better. Keep taking your meds. Keep working with your therapist and try and let your husband know what you need. Life does get better.
In response to: Unsupportive Partner
DIZ710Senior Contributor
Re: Unsupportive Partner
If I was in your situation I would ask my doctor to ring my husband and try to help him understand that you have a condition that with the right medication and family suppirt (him) he could have his wife back to her happy self.
If this does not work then maybe for your own sanity and wellbeing you should stay with someobe who is prepared to support and help you. Once you are more stable and the anxiety is better controlled maybe you could then decide where you want to be in your life and whether you still want to be with someone who is not willing to help and support you when you desperately needed him too.
At least this is what I would do because you have to put yourself and your health first otherwise you will suffer which you do not deserve.
In response to: Unsupportive Partner
BrokenPrincessCasual Contributor
Re: Unsupportive Partner
Hi,
sorry for a bit of male bashing here... But...
guys have short attention spans. If it something you have been living with for a while then "apparently" you should either be over it or know how to deal with it yourself... They try, but they are just naturally limited in their abilitys. Sorry guys
In response to: Re: Unsupportive Partner
pipSenior Contributor
Re: Unsupportive Partner
@BrokenPrincess. Sorry to do this, but when guys need help for MI, all of a sudden their demands for wives complete attention is THERE. Yes, as a rule, guys don have short attention spans. Also with guys, their ability to tell their wives details about things they see and do, leave a lot to be desired. A guy will tell his wife he saw someone they both know. Naturally, wifey wants details, dress, hairdo etc. Hubby is unable to tell, simply because he hasn't noticed. If a guy fancies a female, it's a different story, suddenly he notices everything, her hair, (long or short), her dress, (mini). Often he will fantasize, but say little or nothing. And they say women are secretive. My bf reckons the male of the species are 'dumb and ignorant'. I disagree, they're not dumb and ignorant, they're just wired differently.
In response to: Unsupportive Partner
utopiaSenior Contributor
Re: Unsupportive Partner
@pip@BrokenPrincess. I can't not respond to these posts. Yes on average men and women see and notice things differently. But my best friend and I, 2 women can go out and still come back with different experiences of the day. Neither of us is right or wrong. It's just how we perceive things, based on what is important to us. Yes there are some men out there who are not very supportive. Just as there are some mums or friends that are unsupportive. Many people without MI's don't get it. They don't experience it themselves. I think instead of labeling men in a particular way - we should also recognise that women can also act the same. As mothers, sisters, aunties etc - how about instead of bitching about men, that we raise boys to be the men we would like to see in the future.
In response to: Unsupportive Partner
utopiaSenior Contributor
Re: Unsupportive Partner
P.S. Is not my intention to bring anyone down. I just believe if we want something, we need to try and create it. If we want a more accepting society, we need to be out there showing them by example. If we need a partner who is supportive, we need to educate them in what we need. If they are unwilling, then maybe we need to reflect on whether the relationship is worth holding onto or not.
In response to: Re: Unsupportive Partner
pipSenior Contributor
Re: Unsupportive Partner
@utopia. Sorry if I stepped on toes there. Not intentional. I'm not talking about todays growing boys, yes, they are generally more perceptive. I'm talking about men in the older age bracket. I have a friend married to her hubby for over 20 years. He's a great guy, he's early 40's sensitive, great father, but no concept of women's feelings. His wife can ask him to do something, he will ask, 'why? If he's going to the shops, she will ask him to get another bottle of milk, he will check the fridge, see half a bottle and question why she needs another bottle. My ex questioned everything I said. If a man asks a woman to buy something and she questions the need, he will often look at her like she's from another planet. Men do see things differently on some levels. When it comes to shopping, even if a guy has been alone for a while, he still will fail to buy necessities, he would rather another pack of biscuits, than buy soap, or food. My bf is great but he is the first to admit, when it comes to grocery shopping, he'd rather run a mile. He's in his 60's, gorgeous but hopeless. I wouldn't swop him, but even he says he needs educating.
In response to: Unsupportive Partner
utopiaSenior Contributor
Re: Unsupportive Partner
@pip. My dad used to make me do his ironing and polish his shoes. One day mum told me that dad could do both of those jobs better than anyone - due to his time in the army. The next day - he wanted his shirts ironed by the time he got home from work. Well I accidentally / on purpose left a big iron mark on the front of one shirt. Never made me do the ironing again. Probably why I still hate ironing 35 years later. I probably am a bit sensitive to 'sex' bashing. Got it all the time from dad growing up. And I see how the tables have turned the other way. I used to be a big 'male basher'. Then I had a son. & just like my mum who told me I could do or be anything because I was a girl (ironic when dad was saying the complete opposite), I now tell my son that he can do and be anything he chooses - because he - as a human has the right - as does everyone.
In response to: Re: Unsupportive Partner
pipSenior Contributor
Re: Unsupportive Partner
@utopia. My ex would do the ironing especially his trousers (he wore a uniform too). He was a prison officer. The problem was, when I did the ironing, it was never to HIS standards. According to him, he was better than me at housework, cooking etc. People would say, let him do it. That's fine if he would do it and not make such a big deal about being better than me at it. It didn't matter what I did, he (according to him) could do it better than me. I don't knock the male species, but when I hear the chauvinistic remarks from some of them, my blood does boil. My ex FIL would constantly put his wife down as being silly, not understanding plain English etc. According to him women don't know anything, he's a man, therefore he 'knows'. He is the original chauvinist. It's taken me the better part of this year to realize that all men are not the same. But when you come up against an original chauvinist, it tends to knock the stuffing.
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