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Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Hullo.

I'm an _extreme_ rapid cycler.

I'm hitting on average, 4 times a day now.

Its pretty rough.

I used to only really notice I had cycled afterwards when I would realise I felt up / down, and that I must have cycled.

At the moment, it's so sudden and fast, going down at least, that it's within a few minutes, and I can actually feel a sinking feeling inside that's practically physical.

But still unstoppable.

Just wondering if other bipolar people, rapid or not, can feel their change happening , or like me previously, only really notice after?

I have read that some people can feel it coming on before hand, and I have experienced that a few times but not usually.

Id like to hear from anyone who would like to share...

18 replies

1 - 10 of 18

In response to: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Hi Alice

I think @MoonGal is a rapid cycler too.

For me .. they call it overly labile ... dunno if thats the same thing??

In response to: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Hey @Former-Member

I experience rapid cycling too - I went through a year of almost daily rapid cycling but that has changed int he past few months - so i have leanred that what presents now is not necessarily what it is always going to be like too. Our lived experience of it is fluid and nothing is set in stone. Now I rarely have a multiple cycle in a day, I still do in a week, though it seems to have settled somewhat because, like you I used to only ever know after the fact.

I used that ;after the fact knowledge' to go back over the experience and try to unpack when the switch was flicked, I did that religiously for months so I really got to know and pay attention to those cues that I observed in hindsight.

I am much better at catching myself these days and haven't had a "4 times in one day" type episode in a while. .

Got much better once I really worked with my warning signs are and applied either a PRN med to dampen down for the dizzying height upwards as well as using psychological tools to try to moderate my mood.

I use three particular mind tricks. The Big Silver Dial or he Mixing Desk. and being in the present.

THE SILVER DIAL
(copied from my earlier post here)

One thing I use is if I feel I am ramping up into hypomania or sliding terribly into melancholia is THE SILVER DIAL.
I imagine a big silver dial with High, Medium, Low and Off on it and I imagine in my mind's eye turning it (and thus my mood/emotion/energy level) down (or up) to midway 'Medium". I also use it too when in the PTSD moments of flashbacks, or intruding suicidal thoughts - I grab that dial (in my mind's eye) and turn it to OFF.

THE MIXING DESK

If the single silver dial is not 'enough' of a controller (and when I am full flight hypo it is not) sometimes I use an entire mixing desk console - like the ones from music concernts - treble, base, lights up, lights down, turn off the back mich etc.

HERE NOW
(Being present to the moment)
And if I feel like I am leaving the planet (and even as a set excercise every morning to bring myself INTO the day, out of my head/mind to a concrete solid HERE place... This is adapted from 101 midnfulness. I have described it elsewhere ont he forums but can; find a link so will rewrite it.

Coming to the present means using senses - sight, touch, hearing.

I sit and (haha as I have my first coffee and ciggie) I look around the room and name the things I am seeing, staying mentally connected to each item for a few breaths. So not just a flick around but being present NOW and naming the touchstones that are meaningful in my home (and any other object that is there such as a door etc)

It goes like this. You purposefully pull/ put yourself mentally into the room - or space where you are sitting if outside)

I am here and this is what I can see now. (you look at each thing and name them: for example...)

Here - the photo of my partner
Here - the bookcase
Here - The warthog carving.
Here - The book I am reading
Here - Doggit's bed with darling doggit alseep on it.

THEN ... Pay attention to what you can hear...

I am here and this is what I can hear now. (for example...)

There - the magpies quarrelling
There - the rubbish man coming past in the bin truck
There - the sound of the neighbour using a powertool

Then to the taste senses. (for example, with a health warning )

I am here and as I sip my coffee I can taste its slight bitterness in my mouth.
I am here and as I inhale on my cigarette I can feel & smell the smoke.

Once I am throughly present and my mind has stopped slipping away from me - I can plan what to do next. it is important to TAKE ACTION - even if it is Go for a walk and keep staying present, or do he dishes and be present while you do them. We are so fragile like Thistle Down our minds can blow away into the madness so easily - but we CAN keep them firmly guided if we pay attention. This takes practice.

Getting hold of our minds and training them to come back when we call is a bit like training a puppy, you have to be gentle, persistent and consitent. And if puppy fails (ie. we go haywire) you go back to basics.

Hope a little bit of this helps.


(Thanks @Appleblossom for the tag)

In response to: Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Hi MoonGal, can you give more explanation about finding the switch? I ask because I find my moods are so changeable and now I am at a point where I feel reluctant to accept invitations etc. because I am so unreliable. I am afraid to apply for jobs because I don't know from one day to the next whether I will feel like turning up. Not only that, but it is exhausting just doing what has to be done. Like running a home, looking after my kids etc.

I tend to keep it all to myself because I have been battling depression for about 20 years now. I have been in therapy for years, take all my meds as Prescribed etc. but still more symptoms develop such as the panic attacks which led to me to retire from work. That was 3 years ago and I am in casual work now, but my physical and emotional health were shattered. It has been a long recovery and every tip helps.

many thanks

In response to: Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Hi @MoonGal, thanks for the great reply, also @Castdownmight find this of vague interest.

My bipolar basically clicked on like a switch at puberty.

Since then I've done a lot of introspection and some serious mindfulness training etc with a psychologist who specialized in that.

At that time, I cycled pretty much 2 weeks up, 2 down.

My cycles have always been extremely regular and even, which was part of the suspicion that my triggers ( we call them triggers here, just a local jargon I guess, an what I assume you mean by switch), were not externally influenced.

Castdown: usually some kind of event, ( trigger), usually emotionally / anxiety based sometimes ( more rarely) even a food, can cause an emotional cascade that results in a mood swing. From a fight with a family member, to getting upset because your favourite tv character is in danger, or the barking dog next door annoys you, the variations are endless, but usually historically related to your personal past, in which case CBT etc can sometimes help you identify them.

The idea being if you remain aware and can catch and deal with the trigger before you cascade you can mitigate or even stop the cycle, though more commonly you just learn to avoid them altogether.

Not as easy as it may sound.

Plus I think they are leaning towards ACT ( Acceptance Commitment Therapy) these days rather than CBT, which ironically is pretty much just a rephrasing of the Buddhist mindfulness techniques and ideas.

I think that's what was meant Moongal, (Apologies if not, and for stealing your explanation), admittedly I'm in a frantic rush atm and only sped read your response, I'll read it thoroughly later, I really liked your ideas about the dial and desk, I dabble in writing EDM but I'm by no means DJ material but I think I could rework the concept to fit the controls used in my main passion ( 3D modeling / Animation).

I'm only wiring long here cos it's cuppa time and I need to vent.

Anyway, given the fact that my cycles are so regular, and we were unable to discover any regular triggers, ( although I CAN be triggered by big emotional events, as evidenced recently)

that my triggering and bipolar was pretty much purely chemical. This seems to hold up, given its manner of initial onset and common manifestation.

Or a theory that my triggers were so suppressed in my growing years that they are now so deeply buried in my subconscious and automatic, that we need mining equipment to dig deep enough to find them.

I went through a 3 yr massive depression where it was more a day or two up and a month or two down, and sadly, practically lay in bed the whole time.

This however, gives you a lot of room and time for introspection, even if often if is coloured by your depression.

I dissected and reassembled myself over and over, and grew a lot and learned a lot about myself and what things mean to me and why I act like I do. But no triggers.

Medication also holds up the idea it's mainly chemical. I only started a new medication a few months ago and this is when the rapid cycling daily that I used to get ages ago, resumed.

On one hand, it makes my highs less manic and more focused and productive, and gives me an ok 'mid range' which is new. I have always been either up or down, never mid.

On the other, I now rapid cycle again.

I'm debating the trade off.

<Removed >

In response to: Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Not a rapid cycler. Sometimes I can feel an episode coming on. I can't explain that well. Sometimes when manic I feel this sort of really connected to the environment and I then know its coming.

I remember one time I was out mountain biking in march and I stopped and just felt reall connected to the bush I was riding in, noticed how strong all the colours were. And I thought I'm about to get depressed. And yep next week I was seriously down.

I can feel coming out of a depression its a bit like recovering from the flu; you get a bit better each day.

In response to: Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Hi Alice, thanks for all the info. It is funny (not funny ha ha) that you are apologising for what turned out to be something very helpful to me. It didn't sound like ranting either. I guess I haven't made my peace with mental illness yet, because I still think "how on earth can that email from my sister have so much power to send me into bed for days?" I really think I'm 'better' or 'stronger' than that! The arrogance!

But you are right. My emotions do cascade and I need to come to grips with it. Thank you. And thanks for recommending some decent books. I do sometimes think I am better read (and therefore, better armed) than my GP or psych. I take in checklists etc to appointments because I am really interested in getting to the bottom of things. I will be checking my local library soon.

Regards

In response to: Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

@Castdown, @Former-Member -

I purposefully didn't use the word 'trigger' - anything/everything 'triggers' me - but what triggers me most is my own thinking. That is where the Here Now exercise is so important to me to catch hold of my thinking first thing in the moring - it takes 3 minutes/5 minutes max to do it. When I don;t I am RUN by my crazy thoughts. , Why the dial and sound desk excercises work so well for me - because I don't care WHAT triggered me - in this bio-chemical soup, anxious ridden, reactive mind and body of mine - I could, like @Former-Member pinpoint any number of 'triggers' that start the slide down or the ramp up. I had a day on Monday a terrible maesltrom of anxiety and dissacotiation, there was No way I wa gonna get a handle on ,y thinking that day because I was headed to see a Psychologist who had uncovered and exposed a modis operandi of mine in threapy, to even go back was terrifying, I couldn;t use dials or thoughts to change the cascade that day but I got through it and it chucked me into melacholia where I am right now. I MUSt then get my mental fingers on that equaliser and work my magic! Hah! (yay I spotted I am in melancholic state so now can do something about it).

What I mean by when the Switch is Flicked - is this - I have over the past couple of years spent a lot of time learning to step out of my own mind and observe what is happeneing in here. I practiced it relentlessley, I am really really terrible at being able to name emotional responses, or how I am feeling - but I have gotten really good at observing when I am on a spiral up or down. So for me, it is irrelevant what the triggers are - I cannot avoid being triggered but I CAN use those tools to moderate my responses.

I do not tolerate mood stabilisers, I have avery rare reaction - alopecia - to the salts. I have a pyschostic response to the epilepsy medication. So I have to just swing it with the anti-psychotic and an anti-depressant. That's it.

So - these things I described are actions I can take, I try to DO them, every day - I check in with myself and observe - where is my head at? I trend between melancholia and hypo mania - always underlying anxiety. All the three tools i described I use consistintely so as to not let my THINKING get away from me (when I can) some days I just lose the plot and end up a squirrelly mess, but most tdays I seek to know what my inner landscape is doing and adjust it as required. I am sure that my daily rapid cycling changed because I pay attention to my thoughts and not let them run away with me.

We are what we think.

In response to: Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Ah.

Thanks for clarifying @MoonGal

That's an interesting approach, one I am unfamiliar with and I apologise for making assumptions and putting words on your mouth so to speak.

Though it does seem a little unusual to me, prevention usually being better than damage control.

Pretty much everything I've read or discussed with Pdocs etc has been to avoid or 'deal with' triggers as they occur. Letting your self be triggered ( didn't mean that the way it sounds, but can't think well enough for better phrasing atm) and then trying to deal with it afterwards, seems...well, not backward, but certainly the hard way of doing things.

For myself I would take your example but rephrase to "anything CAN BE a trigger, or potential trigger. The idea is not to let it actually trigger you. I think there is a big difference. However if everything that can be a trigger DOES trigger you, then obviously your method is ideal.

I've always just assumed that choosing how to respond to a trigger event was by and large a natural thing, ie the way any one chooses to respond to something, and did my best to do it, and that it is the fact ( generalizing) that bipolar sufferers seems to trigger more easily and have a more unfortunate reaction that sucks.

For some people triggers are unavoidable things but again I think it's semantics that Is causing confusion . When I say trigger I mean instigating event that can lead on to the rest. I think others use trigger to mean something that has actually fully caused a swing event. (Which I would see as not just triggered but triggered and had a cycle response).

They are catalysts yes, but I view them as events I get to choose how to react to. ( To a degree)

( Theoretically anyway ). Which is why I said I think my issue is more almost purely biochemical than emotional. ( Not saying thats not true of all bipolar people, obviously we all have biochemical issues,) but just that I have very very rare trigger events comparatively.

I guess I'm fortunate in one respect that I don't really seem to have environmental / external / emotional trigger events ( though maybe they are deeply subconscious) ( that's another story).

But also unfortunate in that if they are majority just regular biochemical cycles, I don't know how to possibly control that except with medication.

In response to: Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Oh is it "Unusual" @Former-Member?... Okay.. tht's interesting. - I am not getting and have never had any treatment from a Psychiatrist bar once being prescribed an anti-eplieptic (off script) and that sent me off planet and her response when told it had been a cataylst to 5 weeks of psychosis was just a brush off!

I have only CBT and ACT type therapies, and through lots of reading and trial and error found things that work for me. Given that i am intolerant of mood stabilsers - I rock and roll with what I've got. My Pdoc is a very good GP who works with me and knows me well.

Seeing as I don't have anything that shuts the stable door... By working with the horse after she has bolted - I have a good handle (majority of the time) on handling the horse. I also live woth cPSTD and OCD and Core Anxiety (labels that almost describe the lived experience) - so there is a whole herd of triggers being biochemical, but for me also words, situations, people, light, sudden noise, sudden touch - If I was going to live in a world without 'triggers' it would be a bunker in the ground.




Anyways I will leave you to it and hope someone with a more usual lived expoerience closer to you own can contribute! Thanks for the time and effort.

In response to: Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Re: Any Rapid-Cyclers? Put your hand up. down. up. down. up...

Uh.

i meant to me. ;(

Didn't mean to offend.

But I've read the clinical handbooks and uni texts on CBT and ACT, and I get that your 'here now' approach is very ACT, the way I ( perhaps incorrectly) interpreted and had seasions on, we're never really about dealing after the fact, they were more about constantly being mindful to catch the triggers in the first place.

Plus I thought I said if you can't stop the triggers then what you do is ideal.

But admit I'm a hack. I just read and deal. I'm no professional.

I guess I'll keep my mouth shut. Or maybe go find my own bunker.

And this is how I start massive forum arguments.

Go Alice,

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