Dark Clouds

Things have been really tough since the fires in 2019 December. House was just saved but lost everything else around our property. Then COVID hit and threw us all into turmoil. I could not do my job as my mind was all over the place, and my job is to look after people. My life was slowing falling apart, arguments and fights with hubby constantly, I was drinking, smoking and hiding from every one. It's 2021 and my life is still not back on track. I am lost and feel very alone sometimes, even had to ring lifeline to stop myself from swimming off into the ocean never to be seen again. I got Post Natal Deppression after my last child then at work a client try to strangle me, so PTSD since the year 2000. My hubby has back and knee problems so doesn't do much at all. This has led me to where I am today. He blames me for everything, turns things back around on me and isn't very nice sometimes. Married 35 years. My Anxiety is high and self esteem low and feel I don't have much of a life anymore. Dark clouds again

thank you