New Member. Where in Perth can he finally get BPD diagnosis?

Hi everyone, I am new here looking for support as my family enters this new stage of a very long traumatic and painful journey. I have been with my husband for 30 years. I am facing a huge amount of regret though as I could have pushed him to get diagnosed so much sooner!
We have children who are so over the confusion and I can see how traumatised they are.
Miss 15 is now insisting I leave as I'm clearly in a "cycle of abuse". Miss 12 possibly will be diagnosed at some stage. She is currently ADHD, SPD, ODD and as soon as we can afford it will get her diagnosed with Autism as her Psychologist thinks it's a no brainer.

I am new to this entire idea of actually having an illness to manage instead of just dealing with "episodes" that have been normalised. 30 years of him switching into an unrecognisable man at a perceived insult from me (no matter how small) and flying into aggressively destructive rages where he basically tells me I am the worst person on the planet. It's been so confusing. I was insecure myself for years and joined in the heightened moments In extreme shock and confusion - trying to tell him I didn't actually do anything and He doesn't think the words he's shouting at me. Hard to get near him while he's aggressively shoving me off etc and hard to recover when I'm on the floor in pieces after 30 years of it and he's standing over me pointing at me in disgust, "just look at you, this is what is wrong with me, why I'm doing this and why you deserve it".
Then he leaves. Abandoning again. He can stay switched off like that for days and sometimes I think forever, if I didn't drag him back by begging him to stop and explaining like a mad woman at this point, what he is doing again. He comes back crying in shame, looking at his WHY and cleaning up his mess, making promises he now has a new understanding, and he won't do it again. I used to possibly believe I was responsible as I thoght it was me who was damaged as a child. However I never learnt that type of cruelty. Calling me names thst would make your toes curl and telling me I'm the worst person on the planet.
I started writing as I have written all my life. Plus I started my own healing journey and self growth 25 years ago.
I'm better. I know my kids don't need to be witnessing this insanity and clearly abusive pattern. He's just such a wonderful man really., he loves me so deeply and would die without me. He always debriefs the kids now, possibly I've insisted, but I know he now sees the damage too.
He doesn't want it to happen.
I am an avid seeker of information and I keep trying to finish a psychology degree. It's all been impossible of course. I'm too busy trying to solve my husband so I can get on with healing the PTSD I was diagnosed with 3 years ago (caused by his rages) when I could suddenly see very clearly what was going on. He knows I'm not well at this point. He knows the kids can't be seeing this and trying to work out if "daddy thinks Mummy is the most beautiful amazing goddess walking the planet" or if Daddy thinks "mummy is crazy, so must leave her" and them.
It's been insane and my regret is almost too much to bear.
My daughters now see me as a weak woman who won't leave and my son (under 10) has become my caretaker, who hardly speaks, but has told Dad (when he is in his 80% amazing understanding accountable personality), that he no longer trusts him and is scared of him, although the rages are only ever directed at me.
It's so heart breaking as my husband is so loving, kind and supportive usually. I know it's when he's under financial stress. I know it's because his culture told him "men don't cry" and labelled him the greatest sook (there's a nickname they all chanted at him if he dared to become emotional), and I know he had childhood night terrors that he can still remember. He grew up with so much pain shoved down inside of him, and such clear expectations of what a "good wife" should do and allow her husband to do to her without a word.
I'm from a different culture. I didn't understand the man/woman divide. I've only just convinced my husband that this it's what's wrong and it's not his fault. 29 years later. He has finally booked a GP appointment to tell the truth and not just say he possibly needs anger management as he's possibly depressed. He's not. He's happy most of the time.
I can clearly see he ticks at least 7 BPD criteria and after his last episodes that are happening twice a day, I'm broken. I took the kids and left. I need to heal, they need to heal. We all need to start living the life I have had I'm on hold in a cloud of confusion and exhaustion as I've watched so very many years go by.
But he's now looking within. He's reading. It's been 3 days, but I think he's finally getting it. He is now definitely losing his family, not just maybe losing his family. He can't cry in shame, make excuses and be forgiven as we are all too aware of the pattern that when he switches he completely forgets about. All the years and years of deep and searching discussions in the toilet the minute he sees something I said as insulting. He deems it bad enough to jump up and start raging. This quiet gentle man turned into a monster again.
I'm back home today. We all have a little hope. Maybe Daddy is unwell and he really can't stop himself. He is telling us that and that he is soul searching and finally facing his own pain in order not to keep inflicting it on the person he loves most and couldn't live without. Me.
There is so much more. But it all follows what I can see now has been the same pattern for 3 decades. He has stopped saying his childhood was perfect, that he is nothing like the men in his culture and that he doesn't want me to become his subservient mother.
As long as he doesn't become insulted - although I believe him I think - he has a doctors appointment and wants to see a specialist.

Sorry for the long vent. I have taken to writing each episode down as I had to. I needed the clarity.
I showed him during one of my "this is the proof!" Talks with him. 84 notes in 2020 alone. A roller coaster of him loving me passionately and then suddenly, shockingly telling me he has no concern if I live or die. Then crying, apologies, explanations and promises.
If I had only just stopped trying to get him to see all of it and stop it.
I have slowly become a shadow of myself. He is so wounded as he wants me back to me and cannot believe what he's done. So innocent in public, everyone believing him to be such a lovely kind generous man.
My determination to keep my kids from a broken home, or me from facing life without the love of my life ... has almost destroyed me.
But he's so grateful. So horrified and so ashamed. But he worships the ground I walk on .... how can I leave him?
So a Doctors appointment. A diagnosis somehow and then hopefully when he feels a trigger, he'll remember it's not just in his wife's head and he's obviously unwell.

But OMG the regret I am in is terrible. I want to look forward but I'm still not sure if I can. My own PTSD has never had the space or safety to heal. We need some sort of family therapy ASAP.
I just need some guidance on what happens next.
He has all the books now. He is working hard. But will it ever end? Will I have to keep facing the cold assassin like stranger he becomes occasionally?

I just don't know if I have the strength as I need to heal me, the kids and I need a safe life.
Is this how it is for others?
I should have named myself "finally broken" but I guess I was feeling positive instead of worn down. I am really. I am consciously living, authentically me and standing in truth.

I love him. Maybe I'm stronger than I think?

Advice greatly required !!
Plus he wants he to source a BPD specialist who is able to diagnose in Perth?

Thanks for reading if you got this far!