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How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

TatsindaSenior Contributor

How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

Just wondering if anyone has any insight as to the long term effects on kids of having a parent with depression. My kids are living with a dad who is irritable, critical at times, and loses his temper easily. He is getting help but at the moment his behaviour is not always that great. He does care deeply about being a dad and puts in a lot of effort, but I'm concerned about the kids growing up around someone who isn't always that stable. Would be interested to hear anyone's personal experiences.

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In response to: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

kristinSenior Contributor

Re: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

Hey @Melstar71

I'm most delighted to be able to help somewhat! Serendipity is a wonderful thing (TBTG)!

Take care. You are doing a wonderful, mindful job in incredibly difficult circumstances. When the going is excruciating try to focus on what you are managing to do; and park what you aren't able to do now in a good ideas file to check out when you have some head-space (rather than giving yourself a hard time about it - no one is superwoman, whatever the media portray!).

Do what you need to, then what you can

Kindest regards,

Kristin

PS I also suffer from bipolar, historically mostly depression. You may want to check out the posts about it on the Lived Experiece forum sometime. Would your husband get on it do you think? Even if just to read? It may help to know he is not struggling alone, as it can feel that way - as I guess you already know from your own experience.

In response to: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

kristinSenior Contributor

Re: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

Hi again @Tatsinda @Melstar71 @Uggbootdiva

I have a related question which I thought I'd add here, rather than start a new thread. Another fraught one. Do you tell your child(ren)'s school/kinder/childcare centre about the MI in the family or not. If so how much/who to tell? What was the response? Appropriate and helpful, or stigmatising?

Kind regards,

Kristin

In response to: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

kristinSenior Contributor

Re: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

Another thought @Melstar71, on feeling like a single mum.

My youngest's father has PTSD (as do I) and was previously diagnosed as bipolar. (Apparently the diagnostic boundary between C-PTSD & bipolar can be very blurry.) He still lives with us at the moment. My experience has been that at times (when he's unwell) it is harder than "just" being a single mum (hard enough I know), it's often like having another child (tho' adult).

Kind regards,

Kristin

In response to: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

TatsindaSenior Contributor

Re: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

I think it is sometimes easier than single parenting because they are there to help when they can, of course when they are not coping it is more stress and harder than if they weren't there sometimes. I find the unpredictability hard and it feels like the boundaries and routines are constantly shifting depending on his state of mind. Eg I want to include him in family life when he is able, but then protect the kids from him when he isn't coping. And it can change from one to the other quite quickly.
Re whether to tell school, daycare etc, I have occasionally mentioned that 'his dad hasn't been well' if there is a situation that warrants it, eg not getting homework done on time, but I haven't had to mention it very often.

In response to: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

UggbootdivaSenior Contributor

Re: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

@Tatsinda that is so damn funny. About the book. Not the single parenting. That's shite.

In response to: Re: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

UggbootdivaSenior Contributor

Re: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

I would never tell the school the reason other than your partner is not well. I don't see how it can help. Sorry! They are going to intuit that something is not right anyway.

Someone mentioned not wanting to leave the kids with their husband when he is sick. I wish I had the guts to tell my husband to not leave the kids with me sometimes. If you can do it subtlety then It's for the best. Perhaps at the risk of getting your head bitten off you could ask if your partner feels up to minding the kids for a while as you know they are not feeling great? If my husband did that I would probably try much harder to control myself, whereas otherwise I feel unjustifiably annoyed that I am not well AND he has left the kids with me.

In response to: Re: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

zipperSenior Contributor

Re: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

Hi

I told schools as I needed someone on my side and to understand why the kids were tired, or their homework wasnt done and to give them a bit of extra support and attention. Both kids were in schools that were very understanding with only the principal and direct teacher in the know

My son was in a private school and I had to explain why I couldnt pay the fees. Hows that? Crying in principals offices is not my idea of fun, believe me, but, true to their christian values they gave me huge support and dropped a terms fees

It actually was funny in the end because my daughter ended up using it as an excuse why she didnt do her homework 🙂

In response to: Re: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

kristinSenior Contributor

Re: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

@Uggbootdiva @Tatsinda @Melstar71

There's no doubt sometimes you just have to laugh about these things (like the choose your own MI adventure) or bawl your eyes out. Sometimes doing both helps! It's amazing how much better you can feel after a good cry, wrung out but relieved too.

Here's another CYOA scenario: Your family have not long moved house - you and your partner are having an uncomfrotably loud argument out in the front yard. As soon as there's a lull in the excitement the nosey next door neighbour chattily asks you how you are. Do you a) tell him to mind his own f-ing business, or b) think it but say "I'm fine thanks"?

Kind regards,

Kristin

In response to: Re: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

UggbootdivaSenior Contributor

Re: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

@zipper I am so glad you got a good response and support. yay!! it's a win!

In response to: Re: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

BabooSenior Contributor

Re: How does living with a parent with depression affect kids?

Kirstin,

I would say to the neighbour: " ah the just the aftermarth stresses and tiredness off moving house... We will be fine thanks"

You dont have to be unwell in any way to know moving house is hard and exhausting- ive never experienced a house move with out seeing, hearing or being part of an argument 😛

lol

What did you end up saying?

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