Newbie Here - Hello

Hi there,

I am new here and just wanted to say hi and introduce myself a little. I'm a 34 year old woman who has a wonderful husband and a mum to a 12 year old son who is my world. My family are the most important part of my life and I take a lot of pride in being a mum and hope I'm doing a good job.

Both my husband and son have Tourettes Syndrome, although our son is currently undiagnosed as his Paed wants to wait until after puberty. Our son has High Functioning Austism with Anxiety being a daily challenge. My hubby also has ADHD that he is struggling with at the moment and is questioning whether to go through diagnosis of ASD for himself (he difinitely fits the diagnosis).

I know all of that is about my boys, but it effects how our lives function and gives a little insight to some of the stressors in my life that are a constant.

Ok, my turn now....

I've struggled with Depression & Anxiety for what feels like most of my life, I did not address these issues until my mid 20's. I have a history of Self harm, which began at 14 and grew up in a family that did not talk about feelings and pushed problems under the rug. I don't remember how old I was, I think it was before I started school, when my Dad told me not to cry because it's embarrassing and I had no reason to cry because I had a roof over my head, food in my belly and other people had it way worse.

Happy was the acceptable emotion to express and so I became very skilled at "wearing a mask". I am also the oldest child of 3 and have felt responsible for everybody elses feelings, which has been reinforced over the years by my Dad with statements like, "Don't get upset tomorrow because you will upset your brother" the evening before my Grandad's funeral.

I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and gone through 12 months of DBT, finishing in 2015. I have continued to struggle on and off with Depression, Anxiety and Self Harming over the last 6 years. I also struggle with chronic hip pain due to Hip Dysplasia that was discovered when I was 29.

In June last year, after 25 years of keeping it to myself, I finally gathered up enough courage to disclose to my husband that when I was a child I was sexually abused by a family friend. Since then, things have gone downhill as I started therapy and have had a few hospitalisations. Just before Christmas I spent 6 weeks in hospital and received ECT to try and treat my depression. I feel like it has helped lift my mood, but I still have a lot of self harm thoughts and urges and a long way to go in therapy.

I told my siblings and parents about the abuse over the Christmas period, which went fairly well.

Anyway....sorry that was so long hope everyone is well and I look forward to virtually chatting to you.