Umm I guess i should say hi

Not sure where to start or what made me take the step to join this forum.

I go by the name of ButterflyPurple. I'm 38yo, married for 19 years this year. I'm a mum to a 17yo boy and an 11yo girl. My girl has Autism.

I myself have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Medication Resistant Depressive Disorder.

I struggle to get medications to work for me, at the moment I'm currently taking an antidepressant, mood stabiliser, anti psychotic and anti anxiety medication.

I have an amazing psychiatrist but every GP i find seems to suck in mental health. I see my psychiatrist as often as i can but aometimes it can be 2 or 3 months between visits.

I struggle with suicidal thoughts and some days they consume my whole day. Self harm is a major issue for me. On the odd occasion i have felt so suicidal i have presented to the emergency department but as soon as they hear or see BPD they send me home because I'm attention seeking. Last time they did that i ended up back in emergency via ambulance for an attempt less than 90 minutes later. The attempt was that serious that landed me in Intensive Care Unit for 4 days before being stepped down to medical ward. I was unconscious when hubby found my by fluke. He happened to come home on his break which he never does except this day.

I'm not sure what the point of all my rambling is other than just wanting to know I'm not alone in this fight for life and happiness coz right now life is freaking hard.

Thanks for reading if you read this far and sorry for rambling.