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Lost.

Praxis21New Contributor02 Jan 2021, 10:26 pm AEDT

Lost.

Hi, I don't know how to start.

I've been experiencing major depression and anxiety most of my life but it's come back with a vengeance since I started dating again.

I have a feeling it's partly due to my living situation and insecurities I have surrounding my life in general but I'm finding it hard to deal with.

An embarrassing example would be going on a second date with a man that I really enjoyed being with. Days afterwards I was literally knocked out with fear, physically ill and incapable of formulating speech. I can't explain the reaction, I can't rationalize it but it was potent and so very painful.

I'm scared of being stuck where I am in life and I don't have any friends that are close enough or reliable enough to help me navigate this.

Thank you for taking the time to read, I hope you all experience great positivity this year.

3 replies

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In response to: Lost.

YetiContributor03 Jan 2021, 11:30 am AEDT

Re: Lost.

Hi Praxis21. Good that you've reached out to others who may understand what you're experiencing, when you don't have anyone close. I've been where you are re the dating thing. I found honesty and being upfront helped. I felt a bit less anxious about the early dates because of this honesty. I didn't go into detail, but explained I was coming through the other side of a bad period of mental illness, and I needed to take things slowly and at a pace that I was comfortable with. I can look back and smile about it now, but it took d dates for me to be comfortable holding hands (only fingers touching, not hand!) and 5 dates before a hug goodbye.

I also made sure the date was something that i felt comfortable with - an activity that I enjoyed and not just sitting acroos a table at a restaurant (defs not my scene!).

So my suggestion is some openness. If the other person is accepting and they call again, they are someone worth pursuing. If they blow you off for opening up and show no understanding or empathy, they weren't worth your time or care. You deserve someone who is accepting of you as you are. [insert hug here]

In response to: Re: Lost.

Praxis21New Contributor03 Jan 2021, 7:30 pm AEDT

Re: Lost.

I think I'm more concerned about my reaction to even the notion of rejection.
None of the men I've dated me have rejected me and yet I become physically ill at just the thought.

I don't know if its past experiences haunting me but my reactions aren't rational.

In response to: Re: Lost.

YetiContributor04 Jan 2021, 12:56 pm AEDT

Re: Lost.

I think your reactions are rational - we've all got history (I'm 48 so I may have more history than you!) and this affects how we respond to different situations.

Do you have anxiety strategies that you put in place when this happens? Either actions or self-talk? These may help with getting you out the door at least. But as far as the fear of rejection goes, we can't know how others will respond to us, the only thing we can do is adjust how we perceive their words or actions. Work on what is within your control.

And on the lighter side, if you haven't had any men not interested then you've got a fair few runs on the board, so you must be a pretty awesome person just as you are!

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