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So much regret....anyone else dream of a do over??

PrincessmollySenior Contributor19 Aug 2016, 6:19 am AEST

So much regret....anyone else dream of a do over??

I cant stop thinking about every poor decision iv ever made. Anout how, if i had my time again and knew what i know now i would do everything so differently. <br>Iv had depression as long as i can remember. Abused and left by my mum. Ignored by my dad. Assulted physically regularly by my brother. Iv felt worthless my whole life. <br>I was extremly promiscuous in high school and suffered a great deal because of my "reputation". I never persued guys but if anyone so much as paid me attention i would do anything they wanted. <br>Iv cheated on boyfriends to end relationships because im too afraid to just say to someone that i dont love them. I fear confrontation so much. Is someone raises their voice to me i cry....im.almost 40....<br>I struggle so much maintaining friendships. I literally only have 2 friends. I went to uni as a mature age student after 10 years in a dead end job. I dont even feel proud. Iv chosen the wrong profession and im stuck. I spent from 15 to 33 years of age abusing my body with over eating and excessive drinking. I no longer drink but i cannot stop eating crap and im my heaviest weight ever. There isnt a single thing i am good at unless you count my ability to eat multiple mcdonalds meals a day as a life skill. I have a toddler and i love him somuch but i fear for his future with a socially awkward mother who is full of self hate. Im not a good role model. I just want to do my life again. From the start. Id pay attention at school. Get a scholarship. Go to uni much earlier. Stay out of relationships completly until my 30s. Live alone. Travel. Be kinder to my body. Do something to make a difference. Im just a nothing person. Someone no one cares about. I have no hope and nothing to offer. I just want to be someone 😢

16 replies

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In response to: So much regret....anyone else dream of a do over??

utopiaSenior Contributor20 Aug 2016, 7:36 pm AEST

Re: So much regret....anyone else dream of a do over??

How are you feeling today @Princessmolly?
What did you and your boy get up to today? I can't remember what my son and I used to do when he was that age. Probably had sosomething to do with a ball or building block towers just to knock them down straight away. Or laughing about farts. That never gets old with boys. Lol.
Is the weather warm enough or dry enough to go to the park tomorrow?

In response to: So much regret....anyone else dream of a do over??

PrincessmollySenior Contributor21 Aug 2016, 1:06 pm AEST

Re: So much regret....anyone else dream of a do over??

I just took my toddler to a local event by myself and bumped into a heap of ex friends that are friends with my ex boyfriend. Not one of them aknowledged me. Iv been in holidays with those people, had them over for dinner at my house, been to their weddings and they cant even reply when i say hello. Its sad to think so many people i cared about only spoke to me because i was with their friend.
We have kids the same age and i run into them often. I cant hide forever though. I feel so ashamed of the fact im now ibese and have terrible skin and hair. My ex married a really pretty thin woman and i just feel so disgusting and embarrased every time i bump into peoe crom my old life

In response to: So much regret....anyone else dream of a do over??

PrincessmollySenior Contributor21 Aug 2016, 1:06 pm AEST

Re: So much regret....anyone else dream of a do over??

That was meant to say people from my old life

In response to: So much regret....anyone else dream of a do over??

utopiaSenior Contributor21 Aug 2016, 2:24 pm AEST

Re: So much regret....anyone else dream of a do over??

@Princessmolly. Sounds awful not to be acknowledged by old friends. But they don't sounds like yrue friends.
Real friends don't judge you by your weight or who your partner is or whether you're working or not. Real friends love you for who you truly are - inside.
You are a good person. Ignore them. Soon real friends will come your way

In response to: So much regret....anyone else dream of a do over??

utopiaSenior Contributor21 Aug 2016, 3:31 pm AEST

Re: So much regret....anyone else dream of a do over??

@Princessmolly. I was 9 years older than my ex husband. After we split up he got a wife that was 21 years old and thin. Yes it hurt a little at the time. But now I realise - he chose her because she would do what he said. I was too strong in personality for him. And more intelligent. Hè couldn't stand it.
I like having a strong personality. I like learning and being smart & I will never be any mans 'yes' girl.
So his new woman is skinny and young. I bet you were too smart for him. I bet he chose someone not based on her intelligence.
Try not to worry about him. He doesn't sound like he's worth wasting time over.
Focus on YOU now. Be the best person YOU can be.

In response to: Re: So much regret....anyone else dream of a do over??

SaharaSenior Contributor22 Aug 2016, 8:05 am AEST

Re: So much regret....anyone else dream of a do over??

Hi @Princessmolly, that is so sad to read about the friends you once had, who turned out to be not-so-great friends. It's their loss. My only thought is that your ex may have bad-mouthed you to them and tried to get them to ignore you? I guess we will never know. If you were close to any of them, then maybe you could ask?

One of my close friends has been through the same thing as you... all her ex-husband's family and friends act like she doesn't exist now. And yet she used to baby-sit their kids and do things for them. It shows how tenuous human bonds can be. I suppose if they were his friends first and foremost, then they must feel pressure to take sides.

I hope I am not a person who would ever do something like this..... Although, I never really got close to any of my ex-partner's friends or family. If I ran into any of them now (which is unlikely as I've moved towns) I would probably just smile and say 'Hi' and move on quickly. I would just assume that they wouldn't like me, as I was the one who left him.

As for myself.... I didn't dislike any of them, but I didn't feel we shared any real connection, either.

As for your ex marrying a girl who is pretty and skinny, well, if he only married her for her looks then I doubt it will last.

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.