Totally disoriented

My cat got sick about a month ago and almost died. Since then, things have been spiraling out of control. My life, which once had the outside appearance (to most people) as being reasonably normal, has become fractured. I feel as though my mind has become fractured and I have just gained awareness of the fact that I am not always in control of my thoughts or behaviour. I've begun spontaneously thinking or remembering dark, disturbing things from the past. Spontaneous connections are frequently made between past and current. events in my mind, the implications of which are terrifying. I study psychology at university and am starting the final year of my undergrad degree. I am planning on doing an honours year and am a high achiever. I excel at it because my entire family is mentally ill - basically what it allows me to do is to learn about myself and the people I grew up around. But it comes at a price, for me. It will take me five years to finish this degree due to doing a lighter load in some semesters/deferring due to mental health crises. Throughout this time my family, who place a high value on status, prestige and education, have been funding my existence. If I had any choice in the matter I would never see them again, but the fact that I can't break free from the dependency brings shame to me on a daily basis. Both my parents pressure and shame me, and being around them is painful for me, especially when I am in a vulnerable state - they tend to exacerbate it with their bafflingly self involved responses to my distress.
The degree has given me access to the language to describe my experience. As my world was falling apart and these realisations were hitting me, I began to read and found my way to articles about dissociative identity disorder. This was too much for me to take in psychologically I think, especially now. I've not seen my psychologist or psychiatrist in some time and think that I've lost my bearings of myself entirely. I am afraid of what I might do or say during this time and of somehow ending up harmed. I am on seven different psychiatric medications for my existing diagnoses, and my abuse of illegal drugs has recently started (initially to cope with stress over my cat) to escalate. I am going to run out of two of my newly prescribed ADHD medications, a recent diagnosis, a few days before the appointment. The psychiatrist is on holidays. I feel that I should endure the withdrawal symptoms in order to show my mental health professionals that I am serious about wanting help, and wanting to live a normal life. I am trying to hide my mental state and drug use from my parents but I believe this has most likely been unsuccessful. They have begun to call and text me more frequently and request to see me more often. All the contact is distressing for me on many levels and is making the situation worse. consequentially I feel very alone in what I'm going through. And I don't trust myself enough right now to have social interactions that I won't regret later.
thank you for reading this. I think I just needed to share.