Happy New Year 2021

Hi @Sam3 Happy New Year forumite🥳

I've just read your earlier post about a DBT discussion here and I thought I might help. The very wonderful forum member @BPDSurvivor happens to know a fair bit about the topic so I'll tag her in here so you can talk to her. There's also a BPD discussion thread called Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script that you might find helpful to look at. I have BPD myself among other MH conditions but haven't undertaken DBT partly due to cost and limited providers that bulk bill where I live in Melbourne.

I hope this helps!

Take care!

Judi9877☺️

Thanks a lot @Judi9877 for your response. I'm sorry you haven't had an affordable opportunity to try DBT. Did you have reservations in any case? I hope you're keeping as well as can be nonetheless with the 'right' support. What things have helped you most if you don't mind me asking? My diagnosis is depression & I'm finding it hard to get motivated & nearly always feel 'not good enough'. Anyway, enough is enough! I'm writing to thank YOU & wish you a Happy New Year 🥳

Hi @Powderfinger

I’m just so touched by your words Most days I feel so completely worthless and so reading that ‘I was loved and cared for’ completely overwhelmed me (in a really lovely way) and I can’t thank you enough for sharing this with me

I’m so pleased that my comments are helping you through some difficult times too Sometimes being able to connect with other people can ease our distress and help us to be able to survive another day and find the courage to face a new one

Absolutely! There are never any guarantees and in some ways participating in an online forum is fraught with uncertainty. I think that we’re all really brave, as every time we reach out for support and reach back to offer our care and support to others, we’re taking a risk as we never know how our words will be received

Thank you so much for understanding where I’m at right now When I read your words I actually felt my body relax! I’m really aware of the power of online ‘silences’ and how these have the potential to cause others so much distress. As such, I really worry when I can’t reach back as quickly as I would like to in case I unintentionally hurt someone

I can feel myself slipping a little bit further downhill today and so I’m going to have to hibernate for a little while. But before I do, I just wanted to say thank you again for your beautiful words and support All of your messages were so perfectly timed and arrived at a time in my life when I needed them the most

Take care and hopefully I’ll be back online soon

ShiningStar

Hi @Sam3

Thank you so much for inviting me to participate in this conversation

Trying to make decisions about a therapeutic approach can be incredibly challenging and overwhelming, especially if our emotional reserves are really low

I can really appreciate your reservations in terms of committing to a longer term therapy. It’s definitely a huge commitment and I think that this can sometimes raise concerns in relation to our capacity to be able to sustain this

A few years ago, a Psychiatrist recommended for me to participate in DBT and they gave me the contact details of a Therapist who used this approach. I had heard some very positive things about DBT and so I was quite excited to experience it for myself

Unfortunately however, the approach that the Therapist used appeared to be more eclectic and so although we may have touched on some of the elements of DBT, it wasn’t the focus.

As such, my experience of participating in DBT is very limited and I didn’t find the way in which the Therapist worked with me to be overly helpful. However, having said that, I think that it’s also really important to consider that my experience may have been more to do with the way in which the Therapist understood and implemented this particular approach, rather than a short coming of the approach itself

I’m not too sure if this will be helpful for you, but when I found a Therapist who I thought may be able to provide the support that I was looking for, I contacted them via email to explore the possibility of participating in a short complimentary telephone conversation. During this time, I asked them some questions pertaining to their particular approach and I also asked them to describe (in more general terms) how they would work with me and what this would involve. Through doing so, I was able to gather a little bit more information which I then used to help me to make some decisions.

I would love to hear how you get on (if you feel safe and comfortable to share your experiences - absolutely no pressure or expectations) it will just take me a little bit longer to reach back to you as I’ve had to take some time out

Take care,

ShiningStar

@ShiningStar Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. Was DBT attractive for you from the borderline personality disorder angle? I'm sorry that you were disappointed by the eclectic approach instead of 'pure' DBT. It's been described to me by a GP who did the training as 'a pot pouri' so your comment is interesting. Have you found another approach that is more helpful for you?

It's so hard when we expend hope & money then find expectations are not met. I'm sorry to hear you need 'time out' at the moment - have you got some support?

By the way, the name ShiningStar is lovely & I wonder about its origins?! Take good care of yourself & be hopeful if you can.

@ShiningStar

Im unable to say much to you in return as I have falled ill and I too am taking time out. I will say though that your name suits you and that I truly meant you are loved nad cared for. You strike me as a smart and loving person.

I also cannot say much in the way of your gratitude towards me as I am so weak physically and mentally. I will however say a short sentence that I hope enscapulates what I feel and think. Im glad I made a difference in your days and could be there for you. You too have made a difference in mine even if you do not feel llike you have.

Reach back when you can. I will be doing the same.

Warmest regards,

Powderfinger.

Hi @Former-Member

Thanks for that - I do tend to get knocked around a bit when the supermarket is busy - esp around the fruit and vegies - it was worse on the Thursdays - Christmas Eve and New Years Eve - but I got over it - I wonder what is wrong with people sometimes

I hope your New Year is going reasonably well so far - we are all hoping for a better year but the COVID clusters building up I don't feel very enthusiastic. Did people rush in too quickly and think less than they could have when they wanted to see their families - I certainly wanted to see my grand-daughter in Queensland as did my daugher and her husband - but we are both recovering from surgery so we didn't consider it - and it is so harsh that the borders were slammed shut and people have to go into hotel quarantine - I would not like that - so maybe things worked out for the best for us personally - but still - it was chaotic - obviously - and I am sorry people had to endure that

But I think it does feel better to have a new year to have a new start - a long time ago I made my last New Years Resolution - I was not going to make any more and I haven't - it's always good to make a new start and we can do that any time

Thanks @Former-Member - I hope your day is a good one - if this is possible

And do we have Monday coffee - I have to have a look

Dec

Yesss!! - Monday coffee - make it a good one

Hey @Owlunar . Yes it is quite sad, I'm sorry to hear about your surgeries, & that you can't see your Granddaughter. I don't have any family or friends I can visit so it doesn't affect me, although it's still sad.

Take care. I've been struggling myself but I guess I'll be ok

Hi @Sam3

You’re very welcome and it was my pleasure I’m so sorry that it has taken me so long to reach back to you

Although I don’t live with borderline personality disorder, I do struggle with being able to safely manage and tolerate some of my emotions. As such, the opportunity to participate in DBT really appealed to me, as I desperately wanted to learn how to experience my emotions without becoming completely engulfed and overwhelmed by them

Thank you so much - sadly, I did find my experience of DBT disappointing Unfortunately, the way in which a Therapist understands and applies a therapeutic approach can really make a difference in terms of how we experience it. When an approach is changed (or only offered in part) it can change the nature and effectiveness of the support that we receive I like to think of this a little bit like a lamington! If we replaced the coconut on a lamington with hundreds and thousands - although we’re still eating cake, we’re not actually eating a lamington, as one of the key ingredients (the coconut) has been replaced with something else

Absolutely! It can be so distressing when we invest so deeply in our recovery and yet despite giving everything that we have, our expectations aren’t met. I think that sometimes these experiences can make it even harder to hold onto hope

After years of participating in therapy with different Therapists (honestly, at one point in time I was going through Therapists like undies ) I found a Therapist who uses an approach called schema therapy

From my understanding, schema therapy was initially developed to support people who live with Borderline Personality Disorder. However, research has shown that it’s also a very effective approach for supporting people who live with other mental health issues as well.

One of the things that I really value about this approach is that it works at a deeper level. As such, it goes beyond providing temporary relief from symptoms and supports people to be able to achieve and sustain the longer term changes that are important to them.

For years, different Therapists offered me various strategies. However, these felt more like band aids and when the band aids fell off, the wounds were still there. Nothing had healed and nothing had overly changed because the issues that had resulted in the wounds hadn’t been taken care of in the way that I needed. As such, my ability to sustain long lasting change was extremely limited.

However, with schema therapy the care that I’m receiving feels comprehensive and I feel emotionally held and deeply understood. I’ve also noticed that I’m starting to be able to take some small steps towards talking about deeper issues, which is something that (until now) I haven’t been able to do.

Thank you so much for checking in with me I’m still finding things difficult but I have an amazing Therapist and GP who have been supporting me

Thank you also for your lovely compliment about my forum name and for your interest in why I chose this There are so many days when I feel so lost, alone and scared. The name ShiningStar gave me a sense of hope that I could light the way in my own recovery (and maybe help some other people as well) and that perhaps one day, I would be able to shine brightly again (a little bit like a star) and participate in my life in the way that I would love to be able to do

I hope that this helps you a little bit

You’re more than welcome to reach back to me I’m only too happy to share my experiences of schema therapy (or anything else) that you feel may be helpful for you

Take good care of yourself too!

ShiningStar

Hi @Powderfinger

Thank you so much for reaching back to me - especially when you’re struggling yourself

Although I’ve never had the opportunity to meet you or talk with you in person, I get the strong sense that you’re a wonderful caring soul who has a very generous and kind heart

Your sentence definitely encapsulates your thoughts and feelings - thank you so much and I’m so pleased that I’ve been able to provide some comfort and support for you as well

Thank you so much for your beautiful compliments! When I read them, I could feel the shine in my little star (that’s often very faded and even more so lately) starting to glow and twinkle

I’m so sorry that it has taken me so long to reach back to you Although I’m very out of touch with what’s been happening for you, please know that I have been thinking about you and sending you my love from afar

Take care,

ShiningStar