Im travelling by bus to my long-distance bf. More than likely partake in a lot of alcohol consumption and devour plenty of incredibly poor food; these things cause immediate relief from my daily angst but are terrible in the long run.
Been anxious all morning and most of yesterday to get on the bus. It angers and upsets me that I am incapable of doing such menial things without experiencing feelings of dread.
Looking forward to seeing my boyfriend as his presence brings a sense of calm at times but also a little deflated that all we do when we are together is limited to being inside because of my irrational fears. I feel he could experience a better life if he would just lose interest in me while at the same time I think I would feel incredible sadness if he would make that move.
Not sure why everything has to be so complex inside my head. Why can't I just live in the moment? (Rhetorical).
I hope you all have a fun New Years and that 2021 brings a shift in life that brings joy, enlightenment and inner peace.