Struggling with self doubt

A huge disclaimer, to begin with, I have never been in a relationship before, so I apologise if I make assumptions or say things that don't really apply to your situation.

Really, though, I think you have to kind of trust your gut. I mean yeah, if you trust your gut the first time you meet someone, you are going to reject 1,000,000 people LOL, but considering you guys have known each other and been together for so long, but you still have this doubt in your mind means that there's something wrong.

You kind of have to weigh things up. Obviously there's something that keeps bringing you back to this guy. Do you think that's worth the potential of getting hurt?

I just want to take an aside for a second.

You mentioned that he manipulates you. Is that what you mean by getting hurt, or are you worried about something else? I don't know how many other guys out there have the capacity and willingness to manipulate people in their lives. You deserve something better than that.

Unless of course, his behaviour can be changed. I would recommend speaking to a professional, if you have one, about that kind of behaviour. I am pretty sure that manipulation also falls under the scope of 1800RESPECT, which is a phone counselling line for sexual and relationship abuse. I know that's a really strong word, but girl, it's not normal..

The thing is, I don't have that many people in my life, but I know at least three girls who have had trouble with guys who weren't worth their attention.

• One of my friends had a number of these semi-relationships or casual encounters, and has had guys use her, or leave just when things were looking and feeling nice.
• Someone I loved deeply took the risk of having a relationship with a married guy. She fell pregnant to him. They had the baby together, and got engaged. Then a year or so later, he abandoned her. She admitted that she knew it wasn't going to work out, because he wasn't committed. She has the support of her family, so it didn't derail everything, but it is frustrating to see.
• Someone else I know was in such an abusive relationship with her husband that it surprised the cops. They didn't know until three years in, when the situation became life-threatening.

That's like 50% of the people I have ever known LOL.

I don't want you to go down that road too. I am not going to give you an answer, but question whether or not he's worth it. If you think he's not worth it, please cut off contact with him, and don't think you're missing out on any opportunities or whatever. There are plenty of better guys out there. If anything, you're better off alone than in that kind of situation.

TLDR.

I wouldn't know, but I would think that relationships are supposed to be emotionally safe spaces, for you to be yourself, and grow, just with someone else to support you. I hope you find that. Maybe if you did, though, you wouldn't be questioning it.

All the best x.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me and sharing your stories.

What you're saying makes a lot of sense. I don't think it would ever get to the point of domestic violence but I think that he has a lot of his own emotional baggage that he needs to work through.

I know I need to go with my gut. I just enjoy the company.

Hi @Leslie

I just wanted to reach out and welcome you to the forums! It’s great to have you here

I’m so pleased that you’ve found a space where you can share some of the things that are weighing so heavily on you It’s just so difficult when we don’t have a safe person who we can turn to for emotional support and comfort

Confusion, guilt and self-doubt are such powerful and difficult emotions to sit with and I’m so sorry to hear that you’re grappling with these I just wondered if there was anything in particular that has contributed to you feeling this way? However, I can also appreciate that this may be too difficult / distressing for you to talk about, or you may not feel comfortable to share - which is completely fine too Please only share if this feels safe and comfortable for you. There’s absolutely no pressure or expectation

In my experience, just because we chose to spend time with someone, it doesn’t mean that we can’t also experience some very strong emotions, concerns and confusion. Therefore, I’d like to ever so gently encourage you to be kind and gentle with yourself as you try to make sense of what’s happening for you You’re feelings are so important and they need and deserve understanding, compassion and support

It’s also really understandable that you want to protect yourself from being hurt again As I listened to your story, I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe there were some aspects of your relationship that you felt concerned about?

As @Former-Member mentioned, 1800Respect is an organisation where qualified counsellors can provide information, counselling and support for people, their family and friends who have been impacted by sexual assault, domestic and family violence and abuse. They also provide information about healthy relationships and as such, they welcome people to contact them for support if they’re concerned about the health of their relationships

You can contact 1800Respect 24 hours a day 7 days a week. They also provide online chat

Their contact number is: 1800 737 732 and their website is: www.1800respect.org.au

I’ve contacted them in the past for support and I’ve always had a very positive and supportive experience

Please also remember that you’re always welcome to continue to reach out to us here and continue to share your experiences. Nothing is too big or too small (as long as what we share adheres to the forum guidelines)

Also, something that helped me when I was finding my way around the forums (and trying to learn the ropes) was that if you would like to reply to another members post, place @ in front of their name (just like I did for you) and they will receive a notification letting them know that you have replied to them

Take care of yourself,

ShiningStar