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Relationship advice

Scud87Casual Contributor16 Aug 2016, 8:12 pm AEST

Relationship advice

Hi all this is my first time posting n really have noone else to talk too about this issue. I have been in a relationship with the mother of my children for nearly 11 years now, in that time she was unfaithful to me with my so called "best mate" six years ago. We reconciled after the event but every time there is an argument she says really hurtful things about what happened and also blamed me entirely for the infidelity and still does. She says really hurtful things about my appearance which contributes too me really hating everything about myself while also resenting her for turning me into a shadow of who I used to be and the way I portray women in general. While I still believe there are good women in the world but can't see past the bullshit I've had thrown at me for years by someone who says they love me. I have tried to leave but only to be pulled back in every time. She makes out on her public page that I am controlling and abusive which is unequivocally not true as I don't try to control any aspect of her life. I cannot have an argument with her as it ends up in the public eye, twisted and not what really happened. I have attempted suicide and am glad it wasn't successful. Suicide is no longer an option for me as I can't put my children through that. I have sought counselling but in reality I dont know what to do because if I leave her she will make my life hell

18 replies

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In response to: Relationship advice

Unknown userMember27 June 2017, 10:54 am AEST

Re: Relationship advice

Hello @Cindy

I cannot image how much your world has been rocked by this. The person you have relied on for the majority of your life is not the same and that means everything else has to change. Would be so confusing and hard to know how to interact with each other. I can image you strugging between wanting to be supportive of this person you love but griefing the loss at the same time.

I am not moderating at the moment but @Former-Member will check in with you from here and see how you are going. I will try and pop in here and there but I want to ensure you are still connected with someone.

Take care, MummaMia

In response to: Relationship advice

Unknown userMember27 June 2017, 11:27 am AEST

Re: Relationship advice

Hello @Cindy

Lunar here moderating from SANE, I am so sorry to hear about how you are feeling at the moment that all sounds incredibly hard. Are you receiving some support from a counsellor or psychologist at the moment so you can work on some ways of lifting you and talk to someone about how you are feeling?

Please also feel free to come onto the SANE online chat https://www.sane.org/ or call the Helpline 1800 18 7263 (Monday - Friday 9am - 5pm) if you would like some support today?

Kindest

Lunar

In response to: Relationship advice

Unknown userMember27 June 2017, 12:34 pm AEST

Re: Relationship advice

Hi @Cindy

We went through a difficult time, emerging from a 4 year crisis (have been married 33 years).

Loss if intimacy can be very upsetting for both you and your partner. Mr Darcy would not say anything to the docs about sexual dysfunction to the docs and I needed to step in, they were able to change his meds and give him a prolactin sparing one. I do still miss the non sexual gentle touches. The lack of expression of emotion can often be mistaken for a loss of desire which is often not the case, patients with Sz want to have a significant other.

It is hard to see the way clear to do things for yourself when our loved one is unwell but it us important that we find fulfillment outside our relationship.

There is grief and loss to the carer - this article may help. Carers Australia offer practical support too. Here is a link:

https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.carersvictoria.org.au/Assets/File...

http://www.everydayhealth.com/schizophrenia/schizophrenia-and-relationships.aspx

In response to: Relationship advice

CindyCasual Contributor29 June 2017, 9:55 pm AEST

Re: Relationship advice

Thank you MummaMia .. so very much for your kindness and advice..
It's appreciated more than you could know..

In response to: Relationship advice

CindyCasual Contributor29 June 2017, 9:58 pm AEST

Re: Relationship advice

Hi Lunar..
Thanks so much .. I'm overwhelmed with the support... Bless you's

In response to: Relationship advice

CindyCasual Contributor03 July 2017, 1:00 pm AEST

Re: Relationship advice

Thank you Darcy..o found the links very helpful xxx

In response to: Re: Relationship advice

Shaz51Senior Contributor03 July 2017, 3:41 pm AEST

Re: Relationship advice

Hello @Cindy

how are you today ??

we are here for you , if you like to have a talk about things , remember you are not alone , I have found the forum helpful

keep in touch

In response to: Relationship advice

AttahuaSenior Contributor20 July 2017, 8:32 am AEST

Re: Relationship advice

Hi Cindy, I understand how you feel as my partner of 8 years has schizophrenia , diagnosed schizoeffective disorder and in the time we have been together he has been hospitalised for three months at a time , four times.....pretty much every two years but nearly ended up in again this year. To be completely honest, after all these years I am finding living with a person with this particular disease of the mind quite exhausting as in my case I feel like I am always looking for signs of a relapse and then if he does say stuff that sends off warning bells in my head I find myself now questioning what normal is as I find myself making excuses for his insane ramblings, thinking it will pass etc etc but am at point now where if this is what our future together is going to look like then I am not sure if I want this!! Feel absolutely horrid thinking this out loud but it's how I feel ATM so I understand what you are going through.

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