Love myself or put others before me.

Morning @Powderfinger , this is dilemma that I have faced many times and it does hurt so much to that you give them chance after chance but they end walking away anyway. I have stopped chasing people, I have stopped texting first, even calling them. You will be told to put yourself first amd you should but it's hard when you have done this for most of your life. It's not easy to stop a behaviour that is ingrained inro who you are. I am very lonely because I have stopped chasing people but I don't have the energy to be that way anymore. I hope you can do this letting go with ease and that you find more contentment with your life in doing so. People might react as when you stop your normal way of behaving or reacting they think that there is something wrong with you and don't see it's a

consequence of their own actions.

Wishing you love and light. I hope today is an ok day for you

@Former-Member

The chasing took me a while to stop, but I have a very good handle on that now. I learnt some self respect and what I do and don't want in my life. I have no issues doing it. I don't actually mind the loneliness because it says to me I can be comfortable with my own company. Like you I just don't have any energy for it anymore and will never have energy for it again.

Putting myself first is the one that will take a lot of hard work to even fathom what that means first of all and not feel bad or scared when I do put myself first.

I will say thought that people that CHOOSE to throw temper tantrums, attempt to raise their voice at me, attempt to create arguments, antagonise me, treat me badly, better watch themselves. If people haven't learnt to take responsibility for the consequences of their behaviour and choices and wish to take it out in me, they are going to learn some very painful and hard lessons. The worse they are, the harder I will come down on them.

I won't lie, I'm a damaged woman, with deep wounds. I'm not perfect at all, I make mistakes. In saying that I learn from them, have respect for people, have integrity and am always trying to be a better person.

I'm having a really bad day today. I've barely spoken a word around home, just a hi when I woke up and nothing since. I'm not in a good way and honestly words just feel empty, whether it is me speaking or someone else.

I have actually no energy to even speak with my voice, no desire to talk about how I am feeling, I'm crying on and off throughout the day, just trying to get through one day. I don't allow myself anymore to need comfort or any affection. When I have needed it in the recent past, it's been denied. Shouldn't have happened, but the reality is it did so I don't allow myself to ask for something, knowing I'm only going to be denied. Wasting my time there.

I did a little something this morning for a few hours alone and now am back in bed alone, just cuddling in my favorite sleeping bag. I just give up on many things, including my need for emotional intimacy. It's just not my fault when people cannot or will not connect with me on that level. I'm tired of trying.

Sorry you're having such a hard day @Powderfinger. I'm here with you, and hoping your day gets... well, if not better then at least a little easier. And please try to stay hydrated, I know when I've had a big day of crying, I can feel even worse if I don't get some water or tea into me