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I wish I could be stable

natedogstarNew Contributor01 Dec 2020, 9:00 am AEDT

I wish I could be stable

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forums. I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder for the past 2.5 years, but it's got a lot worse in the past year. I've been on every mood stabiliser, so many anti-psychotics and even tried off-label treatments. I've pretty much lived in hospital for the past year and I've been out for 5 weeks now and I'm still finding it hard to adjust. I've become very lonely because I lost touch with a lot of my friends when I was in hospital and they've moved on now so I can't get in contact with them again.

At the moment I've just come out of a manic episode, and I'm heading into depressed land. I started hearing internal voices for the first time this episode and I've still got them. I got put on a new anti-psychotic but it hasn't done much and it's not helping me sleep like my old anti-psychotic did. The voices are really terrible, they're always insulting me and telling me to do bad things and make me remember all the bad things I've done when I've been manic

I'm out of university at the moment and the days seem to drag on. I've got nothing to do and feel very purposeless in my life. I spend my days watching netflix and lying in bed. I have basically no quality of life and it's terrible. Why do I have to have this condition?

4 replies

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In response to: I wish I could be stable

TideisTurningSenior Contributor01 Dec 2020, 9:42 am AEDT

Re: I wish I could be stable

Hi @natedogstar, I'm hearing your frustration. I'm sorry to hear of the impact the long and recurring admissions have had on your friendships. I can imagine it would be alarming to be hearing those voices, especially when what they're saying isn't nice. If it becomes too distressing though, I'd encourage you to reach out for support. I'm wondering if you're in touch with a psychologist or therapist you see regularly or if not, if that's something you'd find helpful?

Hearing you on the purposelessness. It can be really hard getting through the days sometimes when it feels like you don't have anything to do! I'm wondering if there's something you really enjoy doing, like a hobby that you could throw yourself into? Or maybe some kind of creative project? For me, diamond dotting was really good, and I ended up with something nice at the end to show for my efforts, which was a really cool bonus!

In response to: Re: I wish I could be stable

natedogstarNew Contributor01 Dec 2020, 11:06 am AEDT

Re: I wish I could be stable

Hi TideIsTurning, thanks for responing to me. I'm not in touch with a psychologist yet but I'm on the waiting list for one and seeing one in about 2 months.

I can't think of many hobbies I'm interested in, I do love diamond dots though! I got a massive one custom made of my cat and did that and really enjoyed it. I'll have a think and see if there are any other hobbies I'm interested in.

In response to: Re: I wish I could be stable

SnowieSenior Contributor01 Dec 2020, 1:00 pm AEDT

Re: I wish I could be stable

Hi @natedogstar

Welcome to the Sane forums.

I hope you find the support you are looking for on the forums.

Just a note, if you use the @ button then you are able to tag members.

Hoping you are having a good day

Snowie 💜

In response to: Re: I wish I could be stable

SJT63Senior Contributor01 Dec 2020, 4:51 pm AEDT

Re: I wish I could be stable

@natedogstar

this has been a bad year for everyone. Mr S has bipolar and it has been much, much worse this year than previously. I'm sure that with careful treatment you will stabilize again but please don't be hard on yourself in the meantime.

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