need to offload

ok so this is just me venting ok ,as far as getting councilling goes I have decided to get in contact with relationships Australia on monday for phone councilling I plan to ring them on monday next week meanwhile I am reaching out to family and still overthinking,anxiety which Im now projecting on others a bit too much ,I said to one family member this morning that I either need a holiday or I need to go to the phyche ward to get away from myself,im sorry Im always so negative on here the struggle is changing my mind to positive thoughts in regards to myself Im usually much kinder to those around me all though at times now Im not being kind to them too I feel as if my anxiety has made me lie to myself hard to tell which of my thoughts are based on real and true facts at the momment it seems like alot of my thinking to myself is lies and mostly wrong,I literally had a family member exlain the other day that what I was thinking in the momment wasnt true and that they where not thinking such things that I thought they where thinking of me ,in terms of today I dont want to deal with the messy house and despite needing and wanting to be social probably excessively social at times maybe to ward of anxiety or whatever is going on in my head its crazy to think that you cant trust your on thoughts cause of anxiety,depression,at the moment today I need to hibernate in one room of the house and just block things out but its hard to block your own flawed thinking about yourself I may try watching shows that are comedy rather than serious ,as the saying goes all work no fun and I supose being social can in itself feel like work at times cause Im just trying so hard to improove myself in all different areas of my life,Im taking on advice from family even when I dont like having to be given advice I mean I know their advice is for my own good ,unlike my thinking patterns so even though I dont like having someone tell me advice regarding issues I know its for my own good so I guess thats nearly the only thing I can trust at the momment cause my thoughts are so mixed up or too many thoughts,this weekend Ive taken off time from being social after having a day out yesetrday frankly I need to calm down my thinking,do something to relax ect you think you should be able to believe yourself right but its hard if you cant believe all of your own thoughts are actually true. so here I am in a secluded part of house scoffing corn chips and about to watch some shows to distract my thoughts I must sound pathetic how do family put up with me being like this but yet family understands and are suportive ect otherwise id be in real trouble but thank goodness there not going anywhere its good to have family along for the long haul,got a feeling I need to be more gratefull to them all right now than how Im being family right now but anyway stay well everyone,have a good weekend,I may journal all my thoughts out that might help to monday,also feel a bit undeciplined at the moment for some reason ,being so serious I need some fun take care fellow forumites LostAngel