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When you feel like this is it

Lostintime72Casual Contributor24 Nov 2020, 4:20 pm AEDT

When you feel like this is it

So what does one do when you feel like, you're trapped, stuck in a situation with no money, living with someone that is Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde and you feel like you have to sacrifice your happiness so that you don't end up bruised or yelled at yet again?

Every day, I awake wondering what mood the place will be today. If he doesn't have drugs then it's going to be a shitty day. Where at some point I will be yelled at, be-littled, and physically harmed. I have told him to leave, God knows how many times. But he won't. I have tried to leave but he stops me, by taking my keys so I can't drive anywhere.

I thought moving to Sydney was going to be a new start. Oh yep it turned out to be the worst choice I have made to date.

I was single, had a great job, then met a guy. Someone who was nice, easy on the eye and fun. Little did I know he was also an addict.

I've never hung out with addicts before. Always been around people who live life without needing a stupid up.

Now I am with someone who I should have tossed aside ages ago, who thinks that by screaming "I love you" in ur face during his tantrum, makes me want him more. It doesn't. In fact I want him less.

I'm not stupid. I know what this is. And yes it's abuse. I have told others before to leave him etc.. yep don't say that anymore.

All I know, is that if anything happens to me it's him who did it.

I'm trying to find an angle to be able to leave but it's hard when he is with you all the time as he thinks ur going to cheat on him if you are out alone. The repercussions on return aren't worth the hassle. I am paying the rent and bills and food for somewhere I don't want to be.

Surely, life can't be so cruel it gives you crap paths to go down. For what. Its not like its a lesson i need to learn.

Guess I will figure it all out someway.

3 replies

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In response to: When you feel like this is it

outlanderSenior Contributor24 Nov 2020, 7:13 pm AEDT

Re: When you feel like this is it

hi @Lostintime72 and welcome

im sorry our experiencing this, its good you recognise these signs and want to try and leave. Does he accept you going to the drs on your own? if he does, do you think you could make an appt with a gp as they can help you and make a plan to leave

In response to: When you feel like this is it

Zoe7Senior Contributor24 Nov 2020, 11:48 pm AEDT

Re: When you feel like this is it

Hi @Lostintime72 That is a very difficult situation you are in. I too know how hard it is to leave someone that is so manipulative, controlling and abusive. There are avenues you can take to get help to leave safely and I would highly recommend you contacting 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732). There is also a 24 hour chat line you can access here You do not have to endure this alone nor do you have to remain in that situation - you deserve a better life and deserve to be free of this 'relationship' and the abuse you are suffering.

In response to: When you feel like this is it

PowderfingerSenior Contributor25 Nov 2020, 3:50 am AEDT

Re: When you feel like this is it

@Lostintime72

I second what Zoe said. Please make use of 1800 respect. I know it is not easy to do when he is around you ALL OF THE TIME and you live together. I also understand the situation feels incredibly impossible. I am so glad you have identified this is domestic violence. I left a really bad domestic violence relationship last year. I used 1800 respect so much before and after leaving. They were so good and there were times I rang two to three times a day. They are an incredible and much needed service.

I also second the suggestion about seeing a GP. If he insists on coming in your GP will know whats going on. He will not be able to hide it. It was my doctor I told about being in a DV relationship. I can never thank her enough for what she did and how she helped me. I took the perpetrator to court and won at getting a five year protection order.

The complete moron did try to stop me from seeing my doctor but I kept going. You know that what he is doing has absolutely nothing to do with love. He doesnt know what real love is, only his version, which involves abuse and nothing more. It is not your fault. This lays completely on him.

I do hope that you can manage to get some outside support. Perhaps, you can get a copy of your keys made for your car and give them to someone you know nearby. You can always go for a short walk to grab them and leave. I am not sure if he goes through your car, but when you are able and he is not around, you can pack some things into your boot.

You can also open an account of your own that he knows nothing about and put some money away secretly. There are also these alarms you can get now, that if he goes to even touch you physically you can set off this alarm. It goes off very loudly. I think it can even alert the police. I am not sure about that one though, so please look into that.

You ahve a right to be safe at all times, you have a right to not be abused at any time for any reason, it is completely unnacceptable, you know he will not change ever because he doesnt think he has any problems, you are the problem in his thinking but you are not, he is the issue and always will be.

Please gather evidence and keep photos of your injuries if able. Sydney is a big place and there will be police stations that have dedicated domestic violence units where you can talk to a dediacted domestic violence officer.

I hope this has helped.

Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing when you can.

Ramble.

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