My Mosaic

thanks @Snowie @NatureLover @Eve7 @Jynx

didnt sleep good again last night. terrible nightmares. dont know whats worse, just laying awake and being tired or dealing with the nightmares when i do sleep.

my SW came to visit this morning and insisted that i go down to my gp/nurse so we went down there this morning. thankfully the lovely understanding nurse was on today. she sat and chatted with me while we waited for my gp to come check me. the nurse was really lovely again, no judgement, and cause my gp chatted with me in front of the nurse, which i said was fine, the nurse then later said that she had also dealt with a horrible ED too (she had previously showed me her SH scars). im booked in again to see the same nurse on monday for a check up.

Im now waiting for my appointment with my dietitian.

my friend is gonna pop around for a visit this arvo too and then after school my D's school have their christmas festival. performances, carols, rides and all that fun stuff and then fireworks to finish the night. we didnt get to go last year cause my D was school the whole last week of school, but we did get to see the fireworks and it was a pretty good show.

Did i mention my D is getting an award in the end of year assembly next week?? her teacher called me the other day to let me know, teacher said she has done so well this year. D doesnt know. im super proud.

last day of school is next friday @Snowie

Ex has also communicated his wishes for christmas visits yesterday too. anxiety through the roof when that message came through. but im fine with what he had suggested, so that is all done for another year. relief.

mums having a hard time at the moment. not coping with christmas approaching and my step dad not being around. i knew it was gonna be a hard one.... but she shuts down. wont talk. i dont know how to help or support her when im trying to keep my head above water too. its just a completely shitty time of the year.

sorry for rambling.....

Hi @Bow

I remember that nervousness around Christmas time when my daughter's dad would make his request. The thing was he hardly saw her all year then expected me to just bend to his wants. UGH. Made me so mad, I used to have frequent blow ups.

Try to focus on her enjoyment - so amazing she's getting an award. That's special. You're doing amazing as her mum and it's a nice reminder of this.

x

Congratulations to your d @Bow that is wonderful news about her award.

Im glad you had the nice nurse this morning and that she is so understanding especially with her lived experience. I hope you can have more appointments with her.

Sorry about your rough night, mine was similar so we can be tired all day together. I have no easy answers.

Your mum will need you as she processes Christmas without her mate. It will be tough and it’s still early days.

Sending hugs 🫂 to you my sweet friend.

Glad to hear that the nice nurse was on this morning @Bow It was good that your support worker could be there to support you too.

Well done on D getting an award. That shows that you are doing such a good job raising her. I'm glad you could work it out with your ex. So much easier when things go right.

Take care of you hon 💌💌

@hanami Its such a tricky time of the year for broken families. Some find it fine… others really struggle with it. My ex’s family is a 40min drive from us. He uses that as an excuse- that if he wants to see them on Christmas Day then he can’t see our D or he needs her all day. It’s 40mins for goodness sake. I will always fight for 1/2day each. It’s about my D seeing both her parents not him being able to see his parents.

Yep exactly @Bow ! I totally agree.

I had the call my CM this afternoon to clarify the time of my med delivery. My CM asked what I wanted to do with my meds ie. once or twice a week delivery. I was honest with her and told her that I felt that at the moment for my own safety that twice weekly would be best. She sounded disappointed. She ummed and ahhed. She said she would call me back.
She called me back and asked if I could collect once a week and they would drop off the other time. I agreed.

feel like a burden to them. When I asked and wanted the control back they say no and deliver twice a week. But now that I want them to do it twice a week cause I don’t feel I am safe enough otherwise, they won’t do it twice weekly.

am I over thinking it??? I’m trying to be honest with them.

Goodness @Bow I can very much understand your frustrations. Plus it makes it that much harder to find rhythm in your routine. I am very glad you are doing your best to ensure your home environment is as safe as you can make it! You are not a burden for asking for your needs to be met.

Thanks for understanding @Jynx

they sure do make me feel like a burden though. I vented my frustration to my SW this afternoon when she called, she said I ain’t a burden and it’s their job.

I guess maybe they were hoping I was ready for less monitoring, but my CM knows full well about the coming weeks and maybe if she had consulted with me…. Blah. Just makes me feel like crap.

I’m just feeling so let down and disappointed with my CM still. I can’t wait until she goes on mat leave. I just hope her replacement is ok.

At least this whole time…. Since my last attempt and they took me off all my meds and they have been delivering them to me…. I haven’t paid a cent for my meds!

What a great silver lining @Bow! Or gold lining, considering the dollars saved hehe.

When does your CM go on mat leave, in the new year?