My Mosaic

@Snowie @Captain24 I really struggled getting to my gp appointment this morning. Sat there waiting and wanted to get up and run. She is a nice gp and very thorough. She is actually doing a home visit on Friday to my step dad. He sees her too, he recommended her. But she wants me to have a mammogram and ultrasound. I think it’s just anxiety. But I’m terrified of getting them two things done.

I did a bit of painting this afternoon while I waited for the school bell. Haven’t done any for ages. But want to get this painting finished.

I see my psychologist tomorrow morning. Heaps anxious about that. Second time meeting her. Feel like it would be helpful to write a list of all the things that are… wrong with me…. or all my issues. But then I’d be scared if she then asked what is the most pressing one? How could I answer that? I could not pick just one.
Has anyone sat down and done a timeline of their life so far? Is it helpful?

Hey @Bow.

You did really well in making it to your GP appointment.

What scares you about the tests? I’m here to listen and have had them both done myself. I can talk you through it.

Well done for doin some painting. I hope you enjoyed it.

I understand you are nervous about your appointment. Writing a list sounds like a good idea and if she asks you to pick on just tell her you can’t. Maybe she might be able to work on what she thinks is priority. I don’t know just a thought.

I’ve never done a timeline of my life only basic when I first saw my psychiatrist. I don’t think I really want to. Maybe later on in my journey to see how far I have come. However if you think it will help you understand yourself more it’s up to you.

At least you got to the gp @Bow which in itself is a great achievement.

I can understand the need to write things down for your psych but also at the same time deciding which ones to talk about. I find that hard too. How are we meant to pick what is more important when we can't ourselves. I find when I tell my psych some things happening, she sort of steers me in one direction. Sometimes it is helpful but at other times it is not.

I hope your appt. goes ok with your psych. No doubt you are anxious if it is only the second time you have seen her.

I have never done a timeline of my life hon. I am not sure if that would be a good thing or bad. Yes it would have some achievements in it (my marriage and kids, etc), but at the same time it would have some disappointments as well (failed attempts, hospital visits, etc). Something I would have to think more about.

I'm glad you got some painting done this afternoon. Hopefully that made you day at least a little bit better.

Welp I started a timeline and I don’t think it was a good idea at all 😩😩😩😢

Sorry @Bow. I don’t know what to say. If it’s unhelpful would it be better to come back to it?

That would probably be the ideal thing to do, but I wanna finish what I started @Captain24

I’m putting the good stuff in with the bad but there is so much more bad.

I’m so glad that you are putting in good things too @Bow. I’m proud of you. I was concerned that you would just focus on the negatives.

I hope with doing your time line you are ok @Bow

Sending you lots of love today.

Wishing you a good day today @Bow 💗💗

I seen my new psychologist this morning. Was heaps hesitant in going. I really didn’t wanna be in that place. It’s becoming a bit of a triggering place to be at.
My psychologist apologised for us having to be in a meeting room with a table between us, I didn’t say anything, but I actually liked it. It felt safe having that barrier there. I kinda hate sitting in a chair in front of someone.

She kinda asked if there was something in particular that I felt was most important to cover today. And I pulled out my list I had made of all the things that are wrong/ issues I currently have. After a brief discussion she asked the question that I feared she would… which was number 1. I told her I really didn’t know.
We decided that doing a safety check in at the beginning of each session was best. We then ended up talking a bit about my ED and set some goals, which I know that I won’t do.
She’s also going to get my CM to call me tomorrow. Need to break the ice there.

Now it’s a fortnight until I see her next. I’m still really disappointed that they moved me from weekly to fortnightly sessions.
I’ve also decided that I am too fat for any of them to take my ED seriously. My pdoc made all them empty threats last time I seen her. Meh