My Mosaic

Yes I do @tyme @Bow Ive watched from the time it started

Gnite @tyme not feelin safe to be here

Thanks for letting me know. @Bow . Please take care. Email if you need anything team@saneforums.org

Oh @Bow , sorry to hear you started the day sad and then had such an unhelpful conversation at church, then ended up not feeling safe on here 😞

I am hoping that this week goes better for you, with some supports resuming... 💜

Thanks @NatureLover i see my psychologist this morning. But anxious about it.

Sending you my support @Bow. Good luck

Thanks @Captain24

my appointment was alright. I told her how rough a week it has been for me with experiencing really intense flashbacks. She asked me if I had given any thought to what we discussed last week about the exposure therapy. Told her I wanna do it.

So we made a plan. We are gonna make a start of exposure therapy in relation to this trauma anniversary that is coming up in a couple of weeks. She wants to see me twice a week ideally, but needs to figure out where else she can fit me in. It could be as soon as tomorrow, Wednesday, or maybe not until next week.
She wants to make sure I have in place what I need over the coming weeks while we do this work. She will talk with my case manager about providing additional

support to me. We worked on a self soothing list today, she will type it up for me so that I can have it on hand so I don’t have to think too much.

And I need to work on looking after myself more… ie. eating. She said a starved brain can not do trauma work. Which I am really struggling with at the moment. So not sure how to work around that. I just gotta eat.

I want to take with me a pillow. It maybe weird, but I want something soft to hold, to squeeze, to comfort me and perhaps to cry into? Whenever I use to go to my old pastors to talk about stuff, I use to sit on their couch and I’d grab a pillow and cuddle in front of me. It made me feel safer… not that I wasn’t safe with them, I was. But it was as if that pillow protected me.

I also asked for my psych to bring tissues! There is often none in the room and then I make a snotty mess in my mask!

im feeling really anxious about doing this. I’m scared I won’t be able to retell what happened that night. I’m scared that I will lose control. And that it will hurt too much…..I feel sick. but my psych assures me that I will be able to do it.

anyways… enough about that.

after my appointments with my

Psych I usually go grab a cuppa and wander the shops, it’s kinda my way of regrouping before going home. I went to do this today, got my drink and headed to the shops and then got a call from mum- her nose was still bl**ding- it started early this morning. So had to go home and take her down to the hospital. She’s been on blood thinners since she had her heart attack a couple of months ago. Waiting to hear how she is doing.

It sounds like a really good plan in place @Bow . And there's nothing wrong with wanting a pillow. I am 53 years old and I used pillows for 'protection' all the time. On the lounge while I'm watching tv, in the car when we go on trips and my anxiety gets too much, in bed of a night I have little pillow I cuddle into. I really hope it all goes well for you in the coming weeks.

Hanami

Wow @Bow. Yes it sounds tough but your psych knows you and knows what you are capable of. She sounds like a good one making sure you have extra support during it. I’m proud of you for giving it a go. If you need a pillow that so be it. Whatever makes you as comfortable as you can be. I see it as, if it works then that is fantastic, if it doesn’t then you are no worse off than you are now. Obviously I’m hoping for the first for you.

Sorry about your mums nose. My dad is on blood thinners too and the smallest scratch he can’t stop the blood. I hope they are able to help her quickly.

Wow @Bow ❤️❤️ so much admiration and warmth for you reading this. We're all with you through this 🌻