My Mosaic

It’s the loneliest of places. You may not be alone, you may be in a room full of people, but deep inside, in behind the walls that you have created to protect yourself, you are very alone. Not many people fully understand the depths of the despair that you face every waking moment. It’s a lonely journey.
And do you walk it alone, desperate for it to be over. Yet trapped in this dark void of an existence. Longing to escape.

Longing for silence.

I have been down that path @Bow . I've had a deep desire to escape. I have been in a room full of people and felt alone. I have felt trapped in the dark void of existence.

It doesn't feel like there is a way out.

Yet experience tells me there IS a way. We have to be patient to find it.

I'm sitting with you tonight @Bow ,

tyme

You ever feel terrified in that place @tyme ?

I don't find myself in that place at all now @Bow .

But yes, it was a terrifying space because it was standing on the fine line between life and death. Death was so attractive back then.

Looking back, it was what my situation was telling me. But deep down, I had values, I had people who cared, I had a life waiting to be lived. That's what made me continue the fight.

All I can say is that the fight has been well worth it. @Bow , I can already see your most caring nature shine through your posts on the forums. That is the real you.

Your condition makes you feel otherwise, but deep down, there is the real @Bow .

Holding your hand,

tyme

It is really attractive @tyme

just crawled into bed. Clean sheets. Trying to stay in that moment of the feeling and smell of clean linen. But keep getting sucked into the vortex of the darkness that is in my head tonight. It’s a terrifying place. Tears. Overwhelm. So alone. And so scared.

I'm sitting with you, holding your hand tonight @Bow .

You are right. Focus on the moment. You do not need to plan for the future. Just be here in the present moment.

Consider what you are grateful for. Gratitude and depression rarely sit together at the same time.

I'm grateful to be able to walk with you on your journey. What are you grateful for?

tyme

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@Emelia8 wrote:

I know further south is meant to get a cold blast, including Melbourne. Got you in my thoughts there @NatureLover 🌞.

Thanks, @Emelia8 , I appreciate it ❤️

Thinking of you @Bow with your massive struggles every day with your ED and the SI... 💜

Thanks @NatureLover @tyme

I seen my psychologist and my psychiatrist this morning. Back to back appointments. I’m really glad that I use this app which my psychologist has access to and checks it before all my appointments. It saved me having to put words out there that I am really not ok. She already knew. It made it easier to then talk about instead of having to find the courage to bring it up myself.

I have another trauma anniversary coming up at the beginning of July. This was the start of it all for me. Feel stupid…. Weak… that I should have things together enough that I can manage things a bit better so far out from the anniversary. It’s a month away. But things are ramping up already. The weekend being as difficult as it was makes sense for me now. I thought about it on Friday night and then things crashed. I don’t know how to get through a another month of this though and I’m only going to assume that it will get worse.

Im thankful that my appointments were so close together and in the same building. My psychologist spoke with my psychiatrist before my appointments and let her know about where I’m at, so I again didn’t have to do it. She has increased my meds and put me back on PRN- that feels shitty. I’m tired of med changes and increases.

Anyways. It’s cold here. We are in for a cold week, but I’m not complaining. I like winter, I like being able to wear layers and beanies.
🎀

@Bow 😢🙏💝