I am responding to your message @Bow - however I sense that you are feeling pretty triggered/overwhelmed at the moment? Feel free to take a breather and re-engage if/when you feel ready. You can always check in tomorrow, and just focus on self-soothing for the rest of tonight. Whatever feels right 
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Is life ever really 'sorted'? I know it feels like you've missed out on a possible future by making that decision... I guess I am challenging you to see it as... like, perhaps you are looking back on that time with rose-coloured glasses, but that they are also tinted by regret.
You could not have known that your relationship would do so much damage. Victims of abuse never do - that's why it is so insidious, why it is so unfortunately common, and why society as a whole STILL victim-blames. You could not have known, you only wanted what felt right at the time. Even if you look back and see all these red flags - you could not have known they were red, or that there would be so many. Hindsight is, alas, 20/20.
So in what you've just shared, I can already see your values shining through - you value honesty (you were open and vulnerable with strangers), you value community (wanting to help improve the lives of others), you value learning and teaching (telling meaningful stories from the bible that you had to learn yourself). You demonstrate care and compassion, and it tells me that you have immense strength, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
That story picked you up once upon a time, and I'm sure it was invaluable. It might not be able to do that again - I've had similar experiences in my own journey, where I'll read a quote or hear of someone's experience or have a breakthrough in therapy, that are absolute game changers. But then I still have hardships, I still spiral down, I still get triggered at times - because it's all part of the process. You can draw inspiration from that time, but if that same story isn't helping you now, maybe it's because you need a different kind of help, a different inspiration. And that's okay!
Perhaps you could take a moment to imagine yourself, 2-5 years from now. You're more stable, and the ED doesn't have you in its grip anymore. You still get hit by strong emotions at times but they don't fully knock you on your arse. You're at church, sharing the story of where you are right now. Of this terrible demon that plagued you in the form of ED. Of how you never thought you could ever get through it. Imagine it all, then ask yourself - how does this story end? What are you telling those folks in the audience about what got you through this dark period?
