My Mosaic

@Bow

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Last night was horrible. I hardly slept, I had a headache for most of the night that I couldn’t shake and my meds did very little to help me sleep. Was one of them nights that seemed to just drag on and on.

today has felt like everything has been an effort, sitting up in bed breathing felt like a strain. I feel mentally and physically exhausted.

The dark place mentally that I find myself in is frightening I am in a state of constantly wanting to just run and escape, like I am ready to up and go now. I am ready to check out, I don’t want to be here any longer. I feel alone in this dark tunnel

i dont feel like I should be here I’m just in too dark a place to be posting bringing others down and causing problems I don’t mean to.

I have attempted to call comm mh this arvo but I hung up I wish they would call me that would feel easier yet I don’t want to tell anyone where I’m really at cause I am scared of what might happen.

I haven’t had breakfast the last 3 days and no lunch today. I’m obsessing over things that I shouldn’t and feel like I am inching my way back to where I was a couple of weeks ago. I am fearful of what my blood are gonna say perhaps I won’t even bother going back to get the results if I don’t know I can pretend all is ok?

how on earth do I keep going? How do I go to bed tonight when tomorrow is going to be the same? I’d rather not wake tbh

Hey there @Bow,

You're in an awful place right now and I can see it's so hard for you to see some light today.

I'm going to check in privately via email as I can see you're distressed and probably need some individual support off the forums too.

Speak soon,

Sphinxly

Oh sweet @Bow .. it really sounds like you are going backwards. Not eating is a big big problem, but of course I dont need to tell you that. No breakfast for 3 days and no lunch today ... oh dear ... not good. Can you please try to eat something healthy 3 times a day? I thought your Mum was going to help you with this, but it sounds like that isnt the case. I dont know what to say Bow ... it may even be best if you returned to hospital where they can keep you safe. I know they let you out early so you could have christmas at home. But it was likely much too early. How would you feel if they suggested you return to hospital for a while?

Please dont concern yourself about bringing others down here. Yes of course I am concerned, as are others. But you are not bringing me down. I want you to access the support of your peers if you need to do that. So in that respect we are all here for you. But please Bow ... seek professional help too. Its really important. You do not have to do this alone. You have professional support available if you're courageous enough and determined enough to ask for it. Please do so because you deserve all the support you can call upon to help you through these very tough times. And your dear little daughter deserves to have her loving Mum around.

Emelia 🤗💞

I am still sitting with you @Bow @and very much concerned for your safety and well-being.

I hope and pray you can either contact the Comm mh team or they contact you very soon.

I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time and that is why we encourage you to get help as I’m sure that is the only way at present for you to remain safe and start recovery.

Here with you sweetie.

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Hi there @Bow

Please don't think you are a bother here because you definitely are not. You are valued and respected and very much appreciated here on the forums. You do need to eat though which I am concerned about. Maybe you were released from hospital too soon being Christmas and all, despite it being a special event. I do want you to get some help please.

Take care precious @Bow

Judi9877🥰🌻

thanks @Judi9877 @Eve7 @Former-Member @Emelia8

guess mum was going to encourage support me but can’t force me I suppose a lot is secretive I lied to her a lot before and that’s starting again I hate it it’s not who I am

i can’t be back in hospital I can’t do that again to my family it’s too hard on everyone and I hate being in that place and I can’t be put in a psych ward I don’t want my daughter in that place I don’t want her seeing me in there yes they probably let me out too soon but I begged to go home

I will try again with mh

I managed some dinner tonight but now feel absolutely horrible I wish it was different

I am desperate to sleep tonight but have so much whirling around inside but I can’t sit here I can’t let it out just crawl in a ball in bed

Thanks for your update @Bow and I understand you not wanting to be in hospital as I see the painful look on my sons’ faces when I’m in and they’re adults. It is so very hard on our families.

It will be good if the mh team connect with you as they’ll probably be excellent support.

I’m pleased you ate some dinner too and might be worth trying bananas for the potassium.

Hopefully you’ll sleep tonight sweetie.

Blessings

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your day good @Eve7 ?

I stayed in bed until 4pm @Bow but now I’m sitting by the pool watching kids and grandkids enjoy themselves under the full moon.

I did too much yesterday when I went to see Bluey and Bingo with family.