My Mosaic

I didn't post any kind of update yesterday. There wasn't really anything to say. But I had a milk drink last night for dinner, first thing I've had since Sunday night. I've stuck to my meal plan today though cause I just want to get out of this horrible place.

The doctor said yesterday that they have put through a referral to a ED specialist clinic near the city for me. My dietitian did mention this to me some months ago and it wasn't an option as it's an 8 week stay and I just don't see how that would be do-able with my daughter, the complications around my ex etc. and it's still not an option. This nearly 4 weeks away has been so hard on me. The clinic does have outpatient and a day clinic too though, and I don't actually know what kind of referral they put through for me. Guess I just wait and see. I've had a look on their website, and it does look good, but also really confronting. I know deep inside that I have an eating disorder, but I think I feel so disconnected and I guess I am scared to be around others that are so unwell and have really bad Ed behaviours. Feel like I could get worse? I don't know. Anyways, will just wait and see.

im trying to get myself ready to go home tomorrow. Mentally preparing myself to leave. Eating wise I don't think I am ready to go, I've had 2 yoghurts today. And a chai at morning and afternoon tea. I just don't see that that's going to set me up to succeed. Could very well see myself crashing again and finding myself back here. But I can't stay here forever. I don't get any psychological support in here, there has been one nurse that has actually sat down with me at meal time and spoken to me, asked me what I was thinking etc and if any other nurse takes the time to come by at meal times it's just to ask if I am going to eat. The last few days they are suppose to give me a suppliment through the NG tube if I don't eat and no one has. The dietitian hasn't been happy. I am going to have to be responsible for all of this myself from tomorrow. I'm anxious about it.

im also anxious about how things are going to be at home. How Mum will respond. I want her support, I need her support. But to what extent I don't know. I'd really like the dietitian to call her and chat about how best to support me so that I don't have to have that conversation with her. I feel like that would be easier.

sorry just realised I have rambled a lot. But it's a bit of an update about where things are at. I'm so looking forward to squeezing my daughter tomorrow.

just dropping a tag for those that may want to read @Anastasia @Snowie @Shaz51 @Eve7 @Emelia8 💕

Hello @Bow thank you for the update and I agree there is a lot to think about.

It will depend on how you can work things out with your D and your Mum but ultimately it has to be your choice. It can be very confronting being with others who are on similar journeys but, at the same time you can build a support network with people who get it.

My only suggestion is don't rush your decision and be guided by your dietitian and other medical supports.

It will be lovely for you to hug D tomorrow. Take care.

Lots of love

xoxo

Dear @Bow

Firstly thankyou for the update, have been thinking of you hon.

I am glad they have put in a referral for the ED specialist clinic. Hopefully you can get some sort of support through them.

No doubt you are anxious about leaving hospital, I think that is probably a normal reaction to have. All you can do is take it day by day or even hour by hour. Perhaps you could talk to your dietition and see if she could speak to your mum. It might be possible for that to happen.

Enjoy seeing your daughter hun and giving her some hugs 💗

Please remember that we are here for you and with you through all of this.

All my love

Snowie 💕

xoxo @Bow

Thinking of you @Bow and leaving some flowers for your room. Really sorry you are being 'evicted' from hospital tomorrow, because clearly its too soon. Please dont allow yourself to continue to feel worthless just because they need your bed. Its all about priorities unfortunately, and we have a covid emergency going on. Still ... it will be lovely to be able to go home and give your little girl a big hug and a mothers love that she would have been missing so much. I hope your mother will be able to support you as much as you need with regards to your ED. But really its mostly up to you. I know you accept what you need to do ... but I also know that your ED will fight you all the way. Really hope you can get as much professional support as you need. You have put in so much effort .. you really deserve to see some results go your way. Keep on being the courageous young woman that I know you to be ... and keep on loving your little girl. Thats a good start. The rest will follow. I'm sorry I havent been around much lately.

Emelia 🤗💕🙏

Oops, nearly forgot the flowers ... here you go.

@Bow 💐 💞

Finally home! 💕 squeezing my little girl

So glad you are home @Bow Enjoy those hugs with your girl. I am sure she is happy to have you home.

Take care of you 💕

@Bow 👍💝😊💁

Yay @Bow 💞☀️☕🍪😊🌞🎉✔️🕺💃🤗🌷🙏